Ring It On!

For all that most of 2014 sucked, it's ended so well, I almost hate to see it go!

But then again, who knows what the future will bring?!?

Let's just call it a karmic reset and get ready to rock 'n' roll, shall we?

Nope, Not Yet...

I had plans to write this evening…

but he unexpectedly updated Last Fuck 2014 from last week's dinner date to tonight...

and I no longer seem to have a coherent thought left in my head.

So, for now, you just get a place holder...

Holiday Happiness

This year's holiday carol sing will take place on the porch (don't forget your hot cocoa!)

where we'll hear a song that reminds us that Christmas truly lives in the heart. 

(And I double-dog dare you to resist singing along!)

With all my heart, I wish you each peace and joy...

   and a whole lot of song.

Merry Christmas!

The Wait is Over!

Rori has published her Top 100 Sex Bloggers of 2014 list!

Go check out all the terrific, deserving blogs.

Get a leg up on those winter doldrums - find someone new to read!

(and maybe spot some that you already know about...) 

Holiday Heckling

(which is also holiday cheating -- not a lot of time for writing at the moment…)

Jz:  I was told, "I want you with your shoulders on the floor and your ass up"… which I took to mean face down, so I immediately tried every permutation of that imaginable. 

Only to be met by, "No... no... NO..."

SP: I don't understand what you were thinking.  

What that simple and reasonable request immediately evokes in image is the following:

lie on your back, and bring your legs up over your head, and lower your knees to the ground beside your head.

Jz:  Clearly, not that immediately...

SP: Really, here we see the reason for most of your twisting and spraining of body parts -- you don't know what is where or up from down. That makes it hard to walk, much less do anything more challenging.  Yet still you achieve it.

SP: most of the time, anyhow…

Random Observation

So, I almost clocked a wild turkey yesterday morning as it dashed into the road in the murky hours of oh-dark-thirty.

It carried a dried hydrangea in its mouth and was being chased from the shopping center's parking lot by about twenty of its closest friends.

I begin to suspect there is much more to the Secret Life of Birds than we can ever know...

A Post post-script

I had a little follow-up to the Temps Perdu post…

SP:  You really got me with that rolling over in bed memory. Such a simple, non-explicit sentence, yet it was very erotic… but I really don't remember it happening. 

I hope I just rolled over and fucked you silly…?

Jz:  No, actually, you proceeded to give me a lecture on the differences between lay and lie and the conjugations thereof…

SP:  ha! There's an occupational hazard for you!

Jz:  Well, I just figured it was early and your mouth/brain filter hadn't kicked in yet. I'm sure it seemed entirely appropriate to you at the time. *ahem*

SP:  While you rolled your eyes in the dark, I'm sure. 

Next time, I'll just slam you to the mattress and fuck you hard, while forcing you to construct correct sentences in all tenses, using forms of both lay and lie.

Jz:  At which I would fail miserably, resulting in much further fucking...

SP:  Precisely!

      Grammar for the win!

(see, I'm really not wrong to think that words can be fun…) ;-p

What a Haul!

It was quite the five-year celebration.

We had cookies, candies, crackers, brownies, fudge, cakes, pie, fruit salad, energy bars, granola, galette, boozy drinks, and Home Made Twinkies! (If you haven't seen them all yet, go check out the links. Go ahead... I'll wait 'til you're done!)

Thanks to all the bakers (confectioners, bartenders...) who made it happen.

You are a terrific bunch of supportive people and I'm glad we get together each year and give the world… GOODIES!!

He's glad, too...

You are why I keep doing this.

You make it so much fun. :-)

Thanks again.

J.

Les Temps Perdu

I sent this to SP as a birthday card:

And he loved it every bit as much as I do. :-)

Which is not at all surprising, considering he's the one who once rolled over in bed (at 5:45 AM!) to eye me with chagrin before scolding, "Oh, honey... You rarely make mistakes in grammar but that one was a doozy!"

To which I might have replied, "It's not yet 6 and I haven't had my coffee. Shut up."

But I'm not entirely sure because my brain's a bit sluggish at that time of day... clearly.

Cookie Countdown!

On Wednesday, December 10th

one week from today,

the Fifth Great Online Cookie Exchange Extravaganza will take place!

Please join us!

I think you'll like what you see...

(Just remember, to make the official list of participant links, you MUST contact me 
before Tuesday, Dec. 9, with both your name and the URL of your blog.) 

Some Domestic Benefits to Having a Dom

a cleaner house

Because it would be terrible to, oh, say, fracture a toe (god wot) in the course of trying to convert an unused, undusted, unvaccuumed, and VERY messy bedroom into a clean, fresh space in which to scene -- in less than 30 minutes.

Much better to break out the Lestoil and Murphy's Oil Soap and stay ahead of the game!

(I'll let you know how that works out for me…)

faster household repairs

Because once he's taken the trouble to give me step by step instructions for precisely how to fix a given problem, I really don't want to be hearing that drawled, "okaaaay…" when I mention, two weeks later, that I still haven't removed and bored out that sink trap yet…

(Workin' now, by golly!)

a better stocked freezer

Because I never know what he's going to want to eat while I'm under the table…
;-D

Anyone have any more to toss into the ring??

Bemused But Willing

There was an amazing amount of pure male satisfaction in his voice as he rumbled, 

"I haven't come on your face in a while…" 

I pondered the relative meaning of "in a while" as I groped blindly for the damp cloth I knew was nearby, but wisely kept my mouth shut. Instead, I contented myself with a simple, "Indeed, sir" -- and wiped the little puddles of cum off of my closed eyelids. 

Blinking owlishly, I looked up at him … and he began to laugh.

you know… I don't really get the whole "come on your face" thing…

   but I adore the look it puts on his face.

So..., Anytime you want, Sir.

(Just please keep that damp cloth handy…?)

-Your sticky-eyelash'd slut  

Thanksgiving Bewilderment

Once again, I find myself puzzled by many things in an image…

-What makes her think that those are good hunting shoes?

-Exactly how much starch is in that apron?

-Why is the turkey standing still?

-Where are its feet?
-Why does that gun flare out at the end of its muzzle?

-And if this is what she wears to hunt, what on earth will she don to cook the bird?

(Really, don't these questions bug you??) 

Happy Thanksgiving, All!

A Visitation of Creatures

I know I've mentioned before how I long to have a dog. It's simply not feasible and wouldn't be fair to the poor thing if I tried, so I've resigned myself to being pet-less. But that doesn't stop me from whimpering quietly when I see pictures like this:

It occurred to me this morning, however, that when you live in the country, you really don't need a pet -- because you can share everyone else's.

My yard is a haven for numerous cats, free-range chickens, and marauding ducks. (BookMan has a wandering peacock that favors his porch as its latrine, but my neighbors aren't that classy…)

There are plenty of the larger domesticated animals to be seen -- horses and cattle grace the nearby fields (the goats are gone, alas.) Pigs, sheep, and emu, while not immediate neighbors, are not uncommon sights.

Mother Nature shares, too. Deer and rabbits plague my garden; coyotes wander the power line corridor; wild turkeys flex their slender avian muscles by stopping traffic as they leisurely cross the roads; squirrels, chipmunks, skunks, and vole burrow through my lawn. The snake has moved off my porch but he's still in evidence… And there are mice, of course. Every year, they get into my house and scritch through the walls -- and every year I put down lots of poison, to be rewarded by blissful silence -- and the occasional pong of quiet decay.

Really, I've got just about everything except dogs.

People are selfish about sharing their dogs… 

The poor things get locked up or tied up, never to come a-visiting.

*sigh*

But still, there's much to be said for the amusement factor in watching a duck run...  :-)

White Space

I was listening to an episode of Erotic Awakening the other morning and both Dan and Dawn mentioned how irritating they find it when people evaluate a person's thoughts strictly by the dictionary definition of the words used to express those thoughts, rather than looking deeper, to the feeling that was being conveyed.

Naturally, this sent spasms of guilt rippling through my persnickety brain, because, well…, 

I may have mentioned my motto that words matter...? 

*cough*

Yet, for all that I'm Word Woman, I do try not to lose sight of the fact that words are just tools to convey what we feel -- and sometimes (or for some people) they aren't the best tool to use. So you have to remember that words are only a piece of the communication -- you also need to know how to listen to the spaces and the background. 

I learned this early with Grandpa, but BG is the one who benefits.

Because he's not a man who's big on apologizing, my dom. He does if he's been thoughtless, but when the conflict is between a deliberate action and the effect that action had on me, forget it. I know not to wait for words that will not come.

What I do get, however, are non-verbal offerings of reparation.

The precise action varies each time but they boil down to the same thing -- he lets me in little bit more. He lowers his guard, invites me in, allows himself to be a smidge more vulnerable. 

That is something you cannot give in words.

And it wouldn't it be a shame if I missed it because words were all I could hear?

Are You Ready to Bake??

Because it's time once more to:

Tuesday  Wednesday, Dec. 10, 2014 will be the Five Year Anniversary of the Great Online Cookie Exchange Extravaganza ... (the crowd cheers)... and we'd love for you to join us in the fun! 

The rules are simple. Just post a recipe for a holiday goodie on Tuesday  Wednesday, Dec. 10, 2014.

(The name isn't strictly accurate ... we welcome all types of goodies.)

Anyone is welcome to join in ... but

    There's One Condition:

If you want your blog to show up in the official list of participant links, you MUST contact me (Jz) by Monday Tuesday, Dec. 9, with both your name and the URL of your blog. 

Ed. Note:

One of these years, I'll get this right the very first shot.

Yes, Ronnie, Wednesday is the 10th. That is the correct date of the exchange.

Wednesday the 10th.

To get on the list, please contact me by Tuesday the 9th.

Thanks for the catch, ma'am!  :-)

This is always a fun day and I really hope you'll consider playing along!

Just Because I Like It

Who Lurks There?

It's Love Our Lurkers time once more…

You know, when we bloggers tell all you silent readers how glad we are that you're out there, even if you've never uttered so much as a peep in our comments.

LOL this year is even more meaningful to me because it gives me a chance to thank my lurkers for getting me through a very tough time this past year. 

I fought hard to keep writing here while BG and I were on the outs, but I don't think I could have kept at it if it weren't for my silent audience. Because I don't write for just myself -- I want to reach out, maybe make people smile… or think…, possibly even make a new friend or two. And knowing my lurkers were still out there, still reading, gave me the impetus I needed to keep pushing ahead.

Your quiet presence provided a focus that helped steady me.

Which meant the world to me… and gave me the intestinal fortitude to hang on.

So, thank you, thank you, thank you.

Even your silence is much appreciated.

HOWEVER…

If you just happened to want to decloak for the day and say "hi" (which you can do anonymously, btw ... just click the radio button that says "Anonymous" at the bottom of the "Choose an identity" request,) I would be even more appreciative of your wonderful selves!

Just a quick hi..., or a wave..., 

     maybe a knock-knock joke...? :-D

Whatever you decide, know that I value your readership, in whatever form. 

Deal-breakers and Sticky Bits

There's some truly incredible eye candy that has moved into the office next to mine. 

  (oh, to be 20 years younger!)

I encouraged my more age-appropriate co-worker to check him out…

But, no.

"He's really cute, amazing voice, gets a lot of points overall -- but he wears cargo pants… and I just can't."

Which makes me laugh pretty hard, even tho' I get it.

We each have our own deal-breakers, whether or not they make sense to anyone else. There are just some things that make certain people a "no-go".

I got thinking, tho', about the other side of the equation.

That place where certain people register as "can't-stop's"

And I'm wondering... what exactly gives them that sticky bit? 

       (a sticky bit, roughly speaking, is a tiny permission setting on a file that makes it impossible to delete that file unless you are the creator.)

I suspect it's tempting to say that the "stick" comes from love, but I don't honestly think that's what it is. Love may certainly be part of it but I've been able to walk away from someone I love, just as I've been walked away from by someone I know truly loves me. And BG's sticky bit kicked in well before any higher emotions (of whatever name) were formed.

So, what is it that triggers that deep-seated sense of commitment, do you suppose?

(I don't have an answer here, I'm just sharing my wonderings.)

Ideas, anyone?

Snippet #76

me:  

Well, I told you the best thing about that glass dildo is the perfect strategic placement of those little bumps…

him: 

     I know you told me - but I wanted to see for myself…

     So I did...

     Repeatedly…

     Well past the point where you wanted to stop…

     Right into actual pain…

         

         That was FUN!

         

A Brief Show of Hands...

Does this title strike anyone besides me as just the tiniest bit contradictory?

(actual e-book)

As The Mind Bounces

I whammed the beejeepers out of my toe the other day and as I was contemplating the pitiful, multi-colored wreck that resulted (if a thing is worth hurting, it's worth hurting well?) I found myself thinking, "not a lovesome thing, God wot"...

Really, it's absolutely maddening that my brain will throw up these pointy, irritating shards of a quotation and then refuse to disgorge the rest of it. Because, of course, I cannot let it be… No, no. I must know…it's a personal challenge. (Clearly, I once knew the whole quote, so spit it out, brain!) So I seethe for hours in itchy discontent until I finally stop wracking my brain and simply Look It Up. (One of the few times I will concede the superiority of the interwebz over books: Google just plain wipes the floor with Bartlett's…)

So, anyhow, I did the search.

And because I know you want to know - it's "a garden" that is a lovesome thing (God wot)

But once again, I couldn't just stop there.

Nope, I had to read the whole article.

(Apparently, I didn't learn my lesson from that whole unfortunate giraffe epsidode…)

But I can't help it -- you learn the most fascinating stuff when you keep digging!

To wit: did you know that this one very popular line from that one fairly atrocious Victorian poem has gifted the English language with the most superb word?

Are you ready for it...? .....

     Godwottery

Isn't that magnificent????

Seriously… I am thoroughly enchanted.

The mere sound of the syllables is enough to win my heart, but it gets better...

   Just read the definition:

"Godwottery can mean two things. First, it can mean the use of affected archaisms, and verily, the poet that useth godwottery is a tosser, iwis.

Godwottery can also mean tacky gardening. The collective noun for a horde of gnomes and charming water-features is godwottery." (From The Inky Fool)

There is A Word for Excessive Gnome Usage!!

(really, can you blame me for being over the moon??)

So, naturally, being completely charmed by this discovery, I was then moved to read several more posts by the Inky Fool, which led, of course, to following the side links to books he has written (Horologicon - a compedium of arcane English words, organized along the lines of a medieval book of hours; and Etymologicon - a circular stroll through the hidden connections of the English language) and the next thing I know, I've ordered one for giving to BookMan for Christmas, and put the other on my own Christmas wish list!

So to recap, in the space of seven minutes, I skipped from a mangled toe to heinous poetry to coined words to fascinating reads to successful Christmas shopping… 

Sometimes I don't know whether to kiss my brain or shoot myself!

Ten to One - Day Ten

(Editor's note: so, how telling is it that I wrote a post about my fear of losing my mind, and gave it the wrong title?? I've changed it from the incorrect Day One to the correct Day Ten -- just because I'm persnickety, but I freely and publicly admit that I laughed pretty hard at myself over that one…)

Day Ten: One confession (obtuse or specific)

Wow. How does a person answer this?

One of the definitions of confession is "an acknowledgement of incompetence."

Well, that's pretty much this whole blog, 

     but I can't cram five-plus years into a single post.

I could also take the "acknowledge or disclose sin or guilt" approach.

And certainly, my sins are numerous ... but they pretty much all fall within the purview of "fallible human" - and I'm not sure that that really counts.

Yet once again, I'm stuck with answering the question as it stands.

     hmmmmm….

OK, well, it's not pretty or amusing, but I'll go with confessing my biggest fear:

     I am scared to death of losing my mind.

I've got all the same contributing factors of Alzheimers that my dad had - and I was right by his side as his faculties slowly deserted him, so I got to see the devastation up close and personal… It's a horrible, frightening, merciless way to go -- and I won't even have a loved one around to help me, should that be my lot.

...

I'll also confess that I didn't enjoy buzzkilling your entire day on you.

So here's a grin for you, to make amends...  ;-)

At least we can call the ten day thing over, anyhow!  :-)

Ten to One - Day Nine

Day Nine: Two images that describe my life right now

Well, there's work...

and then there's play...

Overall, I think the picture is good!  :-D

Happy Halloween!

From ghoulies and ghosties

This is actually a cake, if you can believe it!

and long-legged beasties

to things that go bump in the night,

Enjoy it all!

(ok, that's paraphrasing but I'm going with it!)

My Understanding Lets Me Down

He and I had a conversation the other night that got me thinking… 

   and now I'm making myself crazy with running in circles. 

It's a ridiculous little thing, but…

I've mentioned before that I really dislike being called "beautiful", right?

"Beauty" is a construct of perfection -- and I am far from perfect. So it's a false compliment. 

Not that I don't enjoy compliments, but pick one that rings true, ok?

I want you to appreciate me for who I am, not what I look like. 

  (Or what you think I might want to look like.)

Another dating blunder that I find maddening is the tendency to assume that a couple of dates makes a couple. I've hardly made it to the point where I can recall your face but you're planning next summer's vacation together? Uh, no. You don't know me well enough to even be sure how I take my coffee, much less to have determined that we are long-term compatible. This is just desperation talking.

And once again, that's the wrong approach.

I want you to appreciate me for who I am, not for simply being a warm body.

So now, here I am in a D/s relationship.

And I am realizing that, much tho' I fought those other bases of attraction… 

   I at least understood them.

But this thing…?

   this submissive bitch thing…?

has me stumped.

Because he's not with me for what I look like, 

   or just because I'm a warm body to tie up.

No, he's here for something entirely different -- and I can't wrap my head around that.

My ears hear, "I ADORE your submissiveness"… 

   but my brain keeps looking for the catch.

It wants something concrete to pin his regard to -- and a mere willing attitude just doesn't seem enough. So I grasp at straws, thinking, "well, surely it's…"

     but no -- not even close.

Of course, the up side to this is that I don't have to dismiss him for his dubious criteria.

The down side, however, is that I now spend half my time just wondering why the hell he's with me. Because apparently, those reasons I loathe are, nonetheless, the only ones I'm capable of actually comprehending.

*sigh*

We are such unfathomable creatures…

Ten to One - Day Eight

Day Eight: Three top turn-ons

I didn't actually enjoy this one very much, I have to admit.

Seems silly, I suppose. This is probably a question most people could handle with relative ease. But turn-ons are so very, very person-specific, it's hard to unpack them into generalities.

There are certainly traits that I cannot do without in someone I'm turned on by… but others can share these same traits and not raise the temperature in the room by the smallest iota…

Oh well. Once again, it's the question, tho'...

So here are three of the over-arching "must-have"s.

(just don't go considering them a Guarantee of Success!)

1- Intelligence

(couldn't see that one coming a mile away, could ya?)

2- Humor

(Humor is an innate thing for me, a huge component of pleasure. Never take yourself so seriously that you can't welcome it into *any* moment of life...)

3- Know How to Touch

(granted, what we enjoy varies from person to person. But a little sensuality and a smidge of intuition shall carry thee far through the jungle, manling…)

Ten to One - Day Seven

I know these aren't necessarily rocking people's bloggy worlds, but I started this -- and I'm going to finish it, by gum! So...

Day Seven: Four top turn-offs.

1- The Reek of Cigarettes

(many noxious effluvia can be forgiven but this one is a no-go.) 

(I will note that not everyone who smokes, reeks. But when it's in your clothes and your hair and your car…? When I can smell you from several feet away…? Pass, thanks.)

2- Arrogance

(I generally disagree on principle with men who assure me they're great.)

3- Early-Onset Clingyness

(Not really found much in the dominant community but boy-howdy is there a lot of it out there! And I for one am not charmed by it.)

4- Pushiness

(Warning: this is not only a huge turn-off, it's also the quickest way imaginable to get the gloves of civility to come off. SP once saw me respond to being pushed and told me, years later, "I'm quite sure he has never successfully maintained an erection ever since…")

Next, you'll hear about three turn-ons.

(How *did* this person know there would be more things that turn me off than turn me on??)

In Which I Channel Don Ho

So, I looked down at my chest this morning…

   and the next thing I knew, I had burst into song:

        (to the tune of "Tiny Bubbles")

                              Tiny bruises

                              On my breast

                              Make me happy

                              Make me feel fine

                              Tiny bruises

                              Make me smile all over

                              With the feeling that they're aching

                              Cuz someone has said, "they're mine"

                              So I think about the velvet voice

                              And I think about the magic hands

                              But mostly what I think

                              Is "mmm, yes please"

Do you think The Ambassador of Aloha would mind?

(And, more importantly, should I be more alarmed by the extemporization itself or the fact that I actually knew that many stanza's worth of lyrics…?)

Ten to One - Day Six

Day Six: Five people who mean a lot to me (in no particular order)

I'm going to take a bit of a cop-out and exclude family from this list. They matter hugely to me, but I have decided to limit this to people that I met through serendipity, and voluntarily chose to become close to… Plus, this particular bunch consists of people that I really don't argue with... and, given that a- I'm persnickety and b-I've known most of them for over 30 years, that's no small feat! They warrant recognition for that alone!

So, in no particular order…

1- SP

It's not an exaggeration to say that I cannot imagine what my life would be like if I had never met SP, he is that central to The Story of Jz. In a very real way, SP let me realize my dreams of what life can hold. We carved out a relationship that has never fit any external mold, yet makes perfect sense to both of us. He is my soulmate, my linchpin, a part of me. 

I would not be who I am without what I learned from him.

(And holy cow, can he make me laugh!)

2- Book Man

The most articulate, reasoned, bookish, and thoughtful "pointy-headed intellectual" of my acquaintance, Book Man is also the only person I know who can give SP a run for the money in making me laugh 'til I cry. He is one of the most genuinely good people on the planet… but with an unequaled line in snark, which is the redeeming quality that allows him to still qualify to be a friend of mine. (;-p)

Book Man is the chum I turn to for those long, deep conversations about nothing of great importance … but much of keen interest. Knowing him keeps my brain supple. :-)

3- Tiny Woman

Anyone who can stay one of my best friends for 43 years must surely rate a mention here. Tiny Woman is the sister I never had. She's sensible, reliable, mischievous, and mind-blowing bright. (And really, really tiny, did I mention??) 

We look absurd together, but that hasn't slowed us down yet. (Well, except for that time I stretched my legs in her car and actually pushed the bench seat back far enough that her foot came right off the gas pedal…)

4- Kraken

Kraken was my first kindred spirit ever -- and has held this position for over 40 years. We're about as different as two people can be on the outside but on the inside, we achieve about 80% similarity. (His wife spends an awful lot of time shaking her head when she's sitting (outnumbered!) between the two of us) ;-p

The truly fun thing about him is that, not only do we have that instinctive, easy comfort with each other, we also think very much alike, as well. (Like, VERY much.) It's kind of like having your own personal mental echo…

Which he and I find quite agreeable, no matter what the rest of the world may say!  ;-D

5- BG

BG didn't just make the cut because he's my dom and the man in my life (altho' either of those things would qualify him, in and of itself.) It goes deeper than that. BG would still mean a lot to me even if the break-up had held, because he gave me back my faith in life. 

After a long string of beaux who were perfectly nice but who failed to touch my soul, I was honestly and truly starting to wonder if the fault was with me -- if I needed to let go of childish fantasies and accept that the world simply loses magic as you get older… But with BG, I found my belief again. And even if he never gave me anything else (not that that's the case, but let's pretend for a minute) that affirmation is such a wonderful gift that I'd have to put him on this list anyhow!