Disdain or Denial?

Like many men, dominant or otherwise, BG is really big on the hot, sexy portion of our relationship - and not nearly so interested in “Emotions”... either the showing or discussion thereof. Given his druthers, he would just focus on the part where we fuck like rabbits and draw a veil over the rest.

Yet he has chosen, not once but twice, to throw his lot in with me… one of the most tenacious prodders in the history of ever. And I want to know where we stand in the spectrum of emotions. I am not a bludgeoner, I can bide my time… but trust me, I will come back to the question at hand. (There is a reason my boss calls me a junkyard dog! ;-p) 

So BG may not exactly want to discuss emotions, but he’s surely not surprised either, when every now and again, (like, oh, say, now) I press the subject. 

I want to preface this little musing by saying we’re okay. This is simply normal relationship stuff and we’re reacting in normal relationship ways. I’m not waving my arms in frustration or dissing BG. But whenever we hit one of these phases, it always gets me thinking... and this is the latest ponder:

affection (əˈfekSH(ə)n/) 

          1. a gentle feeling of fondness or liking.

There’s almost a hint of the insipid about that word, isn’t there?  A slightly offensive overtone in our world of passion and roughness, where there is no room for half-assed feelings. Nope, around here, we dream of burning lust and primal connections, no-holds-barred use, abject submission, and all-consuming relationships… "Don’t insult me with this piddling “gentle fondness” thing! I want passion and volatility! Heat and raging emotions! Make me soar or move along!"

Which is all very gung-ho and all…

But it kind of lacks nuance, doesn’t it?

Because I can't help but think that affection, though perhaps a bit mild as a stand-alone emotion, is also like the proverbial salt in our food -- a necessary component of any more complex interaction. Gentle fondness strikes me as actually playing a very important role in a successful day to day relationship. It may feel mundane but it is a bond that relies on attachment rather than passion… so by it’s very non-volatile nature, affection provides consistency, serving to buffer the parabolic swings of intense emotions. It’s the voice that says, “That was great… now how ‘bout we order take-out and binge-watch "Farscape" together?”

Affection is an emotion that binds, one that extends past mere chemistry and roots itself in actual caring. It is, perhaps, less a gentle feeling than a feeling that prompts gentleness... potentially even to a degree that thwarts our original desires.

And that makes me wonder…

Do we dismiss mere affection because it’s mundane, irrelevant... or because it’s so powerful?

I... um..., what??

I was driving the back roads yesterday, when I came across a sign:

No arrows, no address, no date…

          and no houses.

At all...
          anywhere.

Not a single structure or driveway to be seen along the whole long stretch of woody road.

But there was this, right behind the sign:

You don’t suppose…???

The Call of The Rabbit Hole

So, I was late to work this morning - and I blame Lilli Clairmont.

She has a very neat graphic posted about the Briggs-Myers personality types, but I couldn’t read it as clearly as I would like, so I went a-googling.

      And the bunnies sang…

First I found this, which did provide a legible close-up of the portion of personal interest of Lilli’s graphic. (More on INTP’s here.) Plus, the stressors were pretty interesting - not to mention accurate. (Dominants, avert your eyes from the one right under “small talk”, please…)

This one also felt apt. 

(Altho’ I don’t have buck teeth…) 

This punch line from a “conversation with a INTP” cartoon  made me laugh.

And yes, this world view’s on target…

This one had me grinning… on several levels.

(Care to try to name any?)

But this one? 

This One made me start thinking, “That, on a T-shirt, please”

Until I found this one, which seemed even better.

Plus, my massage therapist would love it! 

(And then try to claim intellectual property rights. [#7])

By now, I was giggling hard enough that I had to set down my coffee.

But the best was yet to come.

Because I finally found it. The one, the best...

The thing that finally let me close my computer, because I had achieved Perfection.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you...

   The Winner of the “Design a T-shirt for Jz” Contest (2016)

Isn't it Beautiful?

Crowd-funding appeal, coming soon…

Circles Of Grammatical Hell, #4

I was instructing someone on how to use a particular website.

I said, “Now click on the ellipsis in the upper right corner.”

The person -- with the PhD -- replied, 

       “Huh? Speak English, I don’t know these fancy computer terms!”

***************************************************************

       ellipsis : a sign (such as …) used in printed text to show that words have been left out

Latin, from Greek elleipsis

First Known Use: 1540

(emphasis mine)

***************************************************************

Sometimes I despair...

In Which I Reframe a Trope

SP and I had a bit of a communication hiccup the other day over my use of the term “sub fail” while describing a recent date night.

The moment those words hit his screen, my beloved champion hopped right up onto his knightly steed and began the defense: “Bullshit. He’s the dom, he’s responsible for the tone. If there was any failure, it’s his.”

I was initially a bit startled by his reaction - it felt wrong, stronger than was called for somehow - but then I got thinking about it. Subs are prone to picking up and shouldering any stray bit of blame that happens to be lying about, aren’t we? (<< klunky sentence but I’m leaving it.) 

This tendency toward martyrdom is a trait of mine that has always frustrated SP, so upon further consideration, I’m not surprised that he reacted so strongly. He knows I judge myself harshly in comparison to others - and generally disagrees with my conclusions. So when he hears me declaring myself a failure as a submissive (the common interpretation of the expression) he’s gonna speak up. (Much as I long to do when I hear other submissives use the same phrase, in fact.)

So that took care of explaining his response… 

What took me a bit longer to suss out was why I felt that response was off. Even bracketing the part where I felt he was blaming BG (which puts me into my own form of defensive mode,) it still felt like he’d missed the point, like he was putting words in my mouth… but why was that? There was no question that I’d used the term, so why be surprised at his reaction? 

After some fairly extensive pondering, the penny finally dropped. 

(Bear with me, we’re about to inch our way along a very fine line here…)

I’d been taken aback because I hadn’t feel like a failure as a submissive. What I’d experienced, and was attempting to describe, was a failure of submission. (You know, the other “sub”.) That is a far less encompassing thing - more like when your patience fails you. You feel bad about it, sure, but you know it doesn’t mean they’re about to revoke your membership card to the human race, either. It happens, you sigh regretfully, then move on..., in the sure and certain knowledge that no matter how hard you try, this will happen again, so you'd better get used to it.

It’s kind of a third-party software failure, if you will.

Housed in me, certainly, but something with its own rules of operation, which occasionally override operator control. Frustrating, but not a question of fault or failure, per se.

So really, the problem was simply that I'd meant a second dictionary definition and SP had assumed the first. 

There... Weighty issue resolved to my own satisfaction. (*nod, nod*)

Mind you, my solution doesn’t adequately address the issue of responsibility… but I’ve decided to take, “If there was any failure” to mean that SP didn’t consider “failure” to be an apt word in the first place. 

Point Two neatly dodged,

  Misunderstanding cleared up,

    Alternate definition filed for future reference...

Happiness reigns.

Now I can start my weekend with an eased mind.

(I'd say "and conscience" but that would start the whole muddle all over again! ;-p)