Perchance To Dream

It seemed appropriate to wrap up this year's February Fragments 

with the appearance of this year's February Bed Lust…

I'm not ordinarily one for so much white on white.

In general, I tend to like color.

But I'm pretty sure I can make an exception for this room… :-)

And so, to bed.

Mmmmm…maybe

Another marvelous piece of advice that's almost impossible to follow, no?

Or maybe that's not true…

Maybe it's all in how you read it?

My tendency, when I read platitudes like this, is to want to snort. Because it feels like they're telling me that happiness is just around the corner, if only I will believe in it - and I'm too old and jaded to buy into that particular fairy tale.

And yet…

What if "happiness" isn't the key here?

What if that statement merely means, "things generally work out"…?

Maybe this seemingly-annoying platitude is not saying, "happiness will come to you".., maybe it's saying we should not lose sight of the big picture.

Because life is the sum of its parts, not of any one piece of it.

OK, maybe that doesn't make me snort so much.

     I may be living on a knife's edge, financially, but I have the means to keep me from going under completely.

     I may not love what I have been forced to do for work, but it's a job that allows me to learn and grow, among mostly good people.

     I may fear my relationship is showing signs of developing a death rattle, but I am surrounded with FOUQ (Friends Of Unusual Quality) and am not without affection in my life.

Maybe I should remember that, no matter how awful something is, life goes on. That things that seem unbearable are somehow gotten through, nonetheless. 

Maybe I should work on that snort reflex...

February Fantasy Vacation - Take Three

We've been here together, you and I…

     and here…

But I think that for this year, I'd prefer to head inland.

How many cabins shall I book?

"Because I Like It" Friday

(And on a Friday, do you really need any other reason??)

Can't. Stop. Grinning.

A Meeting of the Mines?

This is a grand idea…

     but has it ever actually worked out for anyone?

Like, do it once and you're done for good?

Cuz that's sure not how things work around here. There's just not a lot of consensus between my heart and mind. Even when they actually do agree on a game plan, it's more of a compromise between contrasting viewpoints than any sort of mutual accord.

Nor does that game plan ever sit there, being static. 

I'm constantly evaluating and re-evaluating, gauging if the parameters of the agreement have changed, weighing my decisions in light of updated information…

My brain wants answers. It wants to poke and analyze and to know.

My heart, on the other hand, has absolutely no interest in knowing, because it's already made its decision and that's that. (This particular organ may well be the only thing on earth more tenacious than my mind…)

Tell my brain it's being foolish and it will immediately jump into analytical mode.

Tell my heart it's being foolish and you'll get, "Quite probably. And your point is…?" 

(At which point my brain starts jumping up and down and flailing those skinny little white arms.)

Really, sometimes I think that just getting the two parts to sit down and have a cup of coffee together is the best I can hope for…

What'cha Readin' Wednesday Goes To The Dogs

You have to wonder…

         What kind of audience would this book appeal to?

         Would it be popular, or niche market?

         Will the author finally explain why bitches are so popular, anyhow?

         Does it break down the different types of bitches?

         Is it illustrated?

         Will we finally learn what The Ideal Bitch is like?

         Does it end with a chapter on, "How To Keep Her"?

and most importantly:

         Do you suppose BG has read this book?

         

Sad Truth #8

Really, this says it all. ;-p

Connection

You can dom me - 

flog me, bind me, 

      hurt me, melt me, 

drop me to my knees, 

     take me to the moon, 

fuck me senseless…

Yet it's this -

the feel of your fingers, 

     sliding through mine, 

the sense of belonging 

     washing through me…

This is the stuff 

     that haunts my memory 

       and feeds my dreams.

A Very Sunday Sentiment

(okay, okay, it might actually be a draped afghan…

Work with me here, people!)

A Chorus Of The Soul

You know how sometimes certain words just resonate within you as being true?

How they cause a crystalline "YES!" to echo through your very soul?

That happened to me recently during another of those moments where viewpoint gets nudged ever so slightly off center… and suddenly All The Pieces fall into place. Questions that have niggled for years reveal their obvious answers, vexing riddles make sense, the puzzle becomes clear.

Of course, it was also one of those moments where Captain Obvious steps up behind me and bitch-slaps me across the head… 

     because what I realized is that my kink is "making BG happy".

That rings truer to me than anything I've realized in a long, long time.

Here's the thing, tho'.

     "Making him happy" resonates.

     "Pleasing him" ? Not so much so.

     "Being pleasing" ?  Even less.

I've been thinking and thinking, trying to pick apart the subtle distinctions between those achievements, to understand the minute variations… and I'm struggling, I have to say.

Yet my gut knows there IS a difference -- and I feel it in my heart, as well.

Any ideas out there?

Friday Fealty

I'd meant to polish up one of the pieces in the draft folder so that I could have a written post for you today, rather than another picture.

But I injured my hip and have been unable to sleep, so I'm pooped...

The treatment I sought resulted in me being doused in industrial-strength horse linament, so I reek and am sorely in need of a bath…

And I tried to self-medicate with poutine - so I'm stupefied into oblivion by carb-crash.

Frankly, you're lucky I could even come up with this!

(But I promise I'll try harder for tomorrow. ;-D)

Beau Who?

Taplin...

Beau Taplin

I Need This On A Shirt For Work

That is all.

Saved By The Snark

Sometimes, the future looms up, all unmanageable, before me...

        and Weenie Girl quails.

This has been a winter of some serious quailing, on multiple fronts.

I've got work challenges, money challenges, family challenges, and relationship challenges.

I'm doing my best to keep my head down and just keep forging ahead, one day at a time fashion, but it's not always that easy. 

Over-thinkers don't focus well when the arms of potential calamities are flapping all around them… 

We get distracted, we obsess, we catastrophize.

(Oh, boy, do we catastrophize!)

So one day, when viewing the world from the bottom of a particularly dark hole, I told SP that I was seriously considering breaking up with BG simply to save myself the pain of being dumped again.

"Oh yes, because doing the breakup yourself is OF COURSE the painless alternative...
Now look what you've made me do, and just when I am trying to eliminate the use of sarcasm in close personal relationships..."

Sometimes, laughter really is the best medicine. :-)

Choices

;-D

Valentine's Day Dilemma

(from Post Secret)

         Yeah...

          ^^That^^

Gardening For Love

After weeks of ankle and knee injuries that kept me from kneeling, my gardens were completely out of control - particularly the herb garden. (aka "Land of Thyme Run Amok")  

Attention was needed - and I gave it.

But it struck me (as I was finger-combing my chives) that all this caregiving goes both ways. Our plants give back to us in ways that reach far beyond their beauty and fruit. 

Gardening can actually teach us valuable life lessons:

when to water, when to fertilize

when to deadhead, when to prune

when to move, when to thin

how to spot hidden pests

how to recognize when you need to yank something up by the roots...

(Are you sensing the metaphor yet?)

An Ugly Truth

Valentine's Day Hints #16

Consider your sources.

Some may be less trustworthy than others...

In Which I Disappoint The Masses

I checked my statistics a while back…

Some poor sod landed here among Christmas cookies, 

       searched for "anal",  

              and went away empty handed.

*sigh*

I could practically see the dejected droop of his shoulders from here...

(Do you suppose he’d feel better if I told him it does happen, I just don’t write about it much…?)

Life Lesson #248

Even if different is a bit scary, the unobstructed view is great!

The Week Ahead

"Be Prepared"

Be Careful Out There

I lost a follower the other day. 

Not a big deal in and of itself, certainly, until I realized later that the reason she had vanished was because she had closed her blog down. As in, "this blog no longer exists" (as opposed to the "is by invitation only" we all go through every once in a while.)

And that made me sad… because, altho' this person wasn't one of my blogging chums, I did read her periodically… and had been concerned for her over the past several months. Her online D/s "match made in heaven" did not weather the transition to real life very well. No assholery involved, just the simple realization that the idea wasn't as viable as they'd thought, that they couldn't maintain their roles amid the reality of day to day life.

Yet when she started her blog, she was blissfully happy, brimming with confidence, giddy with expectation…

       Because she had read "Fifty Shades of Grey" and found herself.

Can I just tell you how apprehensive I get when I read those words?

Certainly, there are many submissives out there who've been able to put a name to their desires from reading the books and for whom reading the book was a watershed event. Please don't hate mail me because you think I'm scoffing at you -- I'm not, truly. 

Anything that helps us find and understand ourselves is valuable and awesome.

But…

There is a great deal of difference between reading a hot-but-somewhat-dubiously-accurate work of fiction that makes you long for a similar kind of excitement in your life, and the reality of actually yielding yourself to a dominant.

A lot of us are susceptible to the allure of that fantasy… it's extremely compelling, after all. (Even typing the words "yielding yourself to a dominant" just made me a little melty…) The problem is, however, that not nearly so many of us are actually in possession of the kind of nature that makes submission a viable option. 

Initially, we think we are, of course… it is certainly exhilarating to revel in the attention, the fantasy-fulfillment, the plain ol' high of being kinky, after all. And that high can prove to be very addictive, very quickly… particularly when you're being asked to do things that let you fly. No one ever balks at being required to do something they already want to.

The first time your dominant insists on something you're not that keen on, however, you realize that it really isn't all one big party here. Sort of like joining the Navy because you think sailing sounds like fun… and then experiencing boot camp. The gloves come off, the fantasy crumbles, and it's no longer fun, it's not longer easy…

And, for some, it's no longer right.

Sure, it's tempting to dream about how relaxing it would be not to have to make any of the hard decisions that face us. But the charm of that thought can lead us to overlook the fact that someone else's decisions may very well not reflect the choices we would make - and that's not always so easy to be sanguine about.

Yet the reality is that at some point, you will be asked to comply gracefully with a decision that you disagree with -- something that makes you want to argue, rather than accede.

And when that happens, it can be a surprisingly short number of hops from, "I'm deliriously happy" to, "This is not what I signed up for…" to "Fuck off!"

Even in my relationship, which is far looser than what most of my fellow bloggers choose, following his way often leaves me wanting to grab the damn crop and smack him with it.

It's not easy stuff...

Of course, any relationship is a crap-shoot, we know this. Life never hands out guarantees so I certainly am NOT saying that people shouldn't explore and experiment in the name of "following your bliss" -- they absolutely should.

But I'm far more comfortable on their behalf when they do so in a considered fashion, rather than a "holy shit, this is great stuff, let's go face down and snort it up our noses!" fashion. 

You may be well be right that you have found your niche, but please, take your time. 

Make sure you can float before you jump into the deep end of the pool.

I don't want to lose any more followers to BDSM Fantasy Fail.

Welcome to Kink -

Please Mind the Gap

Help Me To Understand

Because I have to admit, I don't get this.

I mean, ok, bondage, yeah.

Predicaments and humiliation - check.

But she's got pantyhose on, 

       so she's not there for easy access…

Her head's under the radiator,

       so no blow jobs are in the offing…

There is simply no service available.

In fact, there's really nothing going on here except a woman hanging upside down, getting up-close and personal with some ugly carpet, inhaling dust bunnies, and developing bruises across her loins. 

(and prolly getting a headache.)

BDSM confuses me sometimes...

Truth in Art

Hope

I often think that it has to be really difficult for people to combine their BDSM and "love" relationships into one.

Yet here I am, still hoping...

I also think that if you haven't met someone willing to take a chance on you by the time you're in your mid-fifties, then you're probably not going to.

Yet here I am, still hoping...

My pragmatic brain recognizes the reality of many things. 

Yet here I am, still hoping...

This hope thing is exhausting!

Pandora has a LOT to answer for...

What'cha Readin' Wednesday? (sorta)

I may not be reading this yet…

but it's already my Bible!

Brass Tacks

A Month of Fragments

Welcome to February, when I perk myself up (and clear out my drafts folder) with small daily offerings of snippets, unfinished posts, and images that don't necessarily have anything to do with anything else, but that I want to share anyhow. :-)

This year, I thought I'd begin with A Danged Good Question:

I mean, really…

I'd be willing to pay a little extra for that-

how about you?