Text Snippet #829

Jz: […] then BG said, "let's sashay out of here"... 

and I asked, "Oooh! May I actually sashay?" 

           "If you must, sure"

SP: and did you?… 

I love it when you sashay… you do it so beautifully.

Jz: Actually, no, I did not. 

I was not dressed appropriately, so it would have lacked effect.

SP: ah yes. 

Sashaying without the proper flowy skirt isn’t truly sashaying at all...

Jz: I LOVE your immediate grasp of the essentials!

A Holiday Visit From SP

In Which He Writes a Guest Post For Me!
(Even if I do kinda want to kick him in the shins for his topic of choice.) 
Nonetheless, a deal's a deal, so here we go...

Christmas 2019

Jz in the Concert of Angels

of Ferrari Gaudenzio

We all have read that our dear Jz is experiencing a very busy Yuletide this year with some unplanned events. In this guest blog I will allude to some of that even if I must remain somewhat restrained by Jz.  It is only fair after all that she has some sort of a turn and on top of that role reversal is a time-honored Christmas tradition.

Allow me first to provide a brief historic context.

Here is a paraphrase (not a transcript ha ha) of an interchange between Jz and me that took place a few years ago.

Jz:        Won’t you write a guest entrance for my blog?

Me:      I could, maybe, do you intend me to address some of our kinkier explorations?

Jz:        Well of course, what else would I expect from you, sp?

(note: sp is an abbreviation of the terms she uses to address me, particularly when she wants something from me. Actually, it does not stand for “scholarly professor”, that is just a ruse in her blog)

Me:      Let me think. I don’t know when I would get around to it.

Jz:        Ok, no pressure but… - Here follow some of Jz’s specialties, such as, fluttering of eyelids, encouraging high pitched sounds and a suggestive waving and undulating of lovely body parts.

(As an aside I wish to establish clearly that Jz, who in her blog tends to speak with some dissatisfaction about her physical appearance, is actually built in delightful curvy-bodied loveliness all supported by long shapely legs and a loose-jointed easy gracefulness in movement. How is that for some objectifying observations?  But I maintain that faithful readers have a right to glimpse at least that much.)

Some years went by in which the guest blog was occasionally mentioned but never did materialize. Jz indeed did not pressure about it but skillfully nurtured and sustained a slight tinge of guilt in me.

Now let’s jump to the present day.  Jz and I were talking about events during the fortuitous Christmassy meeting between herself, her Beau and me.  In this encounter we hit it off swimmingly well between the three of us with Sweet Jz to her vociferous delight stuck in the middle, very stuck at times.

So, our conversation only hours ago:

Me:      Now there is my guest blog! I could write about that.

Jz:        Don’t you dare.

Me:      I would really like to write about that.

Jz:        Don’t you dare.

Me:      Why this reluctance and monotony in your retort? You said, and I also remember in your blog…

Jz:        Yes, sure, but this one, I don’t know.

Me:      So, I really can’t mention those lovely glowing red marks across the white of your…

Jz:        Stop!!

Me:      Or you writhing on the floor while Beau and I …

Jz:        You heard me!  Oh well, do as you please, send it to me and I will post it; maybe.

Thus, dear reader, it came to pass that I gave in to her laments and I will not mention any of that. I must be getting too lenient with the years.  Instead, I decided to give you an image, appropriate for season and events.  Isn’t that supposed to say more than a thousand words?

With that and a loving kiss for adorable Jz the Angelic, I take my leave.

Blessed Yule to all.

The Reactions of Others

So here we are at round…, what? I've lost count.

I’m skipping the details - you don’t need them and they’re not all mine to share, anyhow.

Suffice it to say that there was something going on when BG & I broke up, he’d just put off telling me until it was too late and everything had turned into a big hairball. So I never got the scoop until a month ago. Once we got the past straightened out, we started to discuss the possibility of salvaging the relationship.

Idiotic tho' it may sound, after a month of negotiation and internal debate, I've decided to give it a shot. I missed him too badly, right up to the day he called, to not. The situation is still far from perfect, yet with eyes wide open, I'm choosing to pursue an imperfect “with him” rather than one without. Although we are moving forward, however, it’s still in the probationary period, so I’m going to wait and see if it actually takes before I start sharing stories. 

Yet I know that without details or stories, it can be tough to get a feel for situations so, in the hope of reassuring you all that I haven’t completely lost every last one of my marbles, let me offer up the responses of those who know me best:

SP, whose first concern was that I “be careful with [my]self” has grilled me to within an inch of my life during the entire negotiation stage… and is now satisfied that I am going into this with the proper attitude of “getting what I want - from BG and from life.” He has begun to actively urge me forward and is now eagerly anticipating prurient details. (Because that’s how he rolls.)

BookMan (who knows about the dynamic) just smacked his head and said, “Oh, man! There is NOTHING more frustrating that someone doing something that makes you angry - except they do it for such a principled reason that you can’t be angry.”  We talked through my thoughts and, while I wouldn’t use the words "urging me forward" to describe his stance, he has expressed understanding and support... and absolutely no desire whatsoever to hear prurient details. 

Thelma (who also knows) was a slightly tougher nut. Our friendship only revived after the latest split, so she never heard any stories of the good times. All she knows is that he hurt me and that her friends shouldn't be with people who do that. “I don’t like him”, she declared emphatically - and then peppered me with questions about his behavior. Disgruntled by my answers, she was reduced to pursing her lips, staring off into the middle distance, and muttering, “I don’t want to like him…”

The discussion ended with her saying that she understood why I was moving ahead and that it was probably a good decision for right now… but that her new Mission in Life has become to find me a replacement hot, available 60-year old man. (And then mumbled under her breath as she walked away, “Altho’ just where I’m supposed to find one of those…”)

It was Tiny Woman (who does not know) who was the big surprise, however. She’s a lot more pragmatic than I am, much more of a “over and done with, dust your hands off, and move on” kind of gal. So you could have knocked me over with a feather when her initial response to, “Here’s how things stand…” was, “Wow. That’s a tough one. I don’t know what I’d decide either, I really don’t…”

All of which left me feeling wonderfully supported.
Altho’ I will admit to a good 2-3 minutes of struggling to control my face when Tiny Woman insisted, “You make him toe the line!”   {*oh yeah, that’ll work*}
I got around the difficulty with a little judicious rephrasing, however. “That’s a bit controlling… How about we say I will continue to be firm about what I need…?”
Compromise accepted. :-)

So now we wait and see...  

For SP

He knows why…

(well, okay, yeah... you guys probably do, too.)

In Which I Reframe a Trope

SP and I had a bit of a communication hiccup the other day over my use of the term “sub fail” while describing a recent date night.

The moment those words hit his screen, my beloved champion hopped right up onto his knightly steed and began the defense: “Bullshit. He’s the dom, he’s responsible for the tone. If there was any failure, it’s his.”

I was initially a bit startled by his reaction - it felt wrong, stronger than was called for somehow - but then I got thinking about it. Subs are prone to picking up and shouldering any stray bit of blame that happens to be lying about, aren’t we? (<< klunky sentence but I’m leaving it.) 

This tendency toward martyrdom is a trait of mine that has always frustrated SP, so upon further consideration, I’m not surprised that he reacted so strongly. He knows I judge myself harshly in comparison to others - and generally disagrees with my conclusions. So when he hears me declaring myself a failure as a submissive (the common interpretation of the expression) he’s gonna speak up. (Much as I long to do when I hear other submissives use the same phrase, in fact.)

So that took care of explaining his response… 

What took me a bit longer to suss out was why I felt that response was off. Even bracketing the part where I felt he was blaming BG (which puts me into my own form of defensive mode,) it still felt like he’d missed the point, like he was putting words in my mouth… but why was that? There was no question that I’d used the term, so why be surprised at his reaction? 

After some fairly extensive pondering, the penny finally dropped. 

(Bear with me, we’re about to inch our way along a very fine line here…)

I’d been taken aback because I hadn’t feel like a failure as a submissive. What I’d experienced, and was attempting to describe, was a failure of submission. (You know, the other “sub”.) That is a far less encompassing thing - more like when your patience fails you. You feel bad about it, sure, but you know it doesn’t mean they’re about to revoke your membership card to the human race, either. It happens, you sigh regretfully, then move on..., in the sure and certain knowledge that no matter how hard you try, this will happen again, so you'd better get used to it.

It’s kind of a third-party software failure, if you will.

Housed in me, certainly, but something with its own rules of operation, which occasionally override operator control. Frustrating, but not a question of fault or failure, per se.

So really, the problem was simply that I'd meant a second dictionary definition and SP had assumed the first. 

There... Weighty issue resolved to my own satisfaction. (*nod, nod*)

Mind you, my solution doesn’t adequately address the issue of responsibility… but I’ve decided to take, “If there was any failure” to mean that SP didn’t consider “failure” to be an apt word in the first place. 

Point Two neatly dodged,

  Misunderstanding cleared up,

    Alternate definition filed for future reference...

Happiness reigns.

Now I can start my weekend with an eased mind.

(I'd say "and conscience" but that would start the whole muddle all over again! ;-p)

In Which SP Alarms Me

I’ve put several more funerals under my belt since last we spoke of them so, naturally, I have been contemplating my own... and I have decided that I really want SP to deliver my eulogy. 

He knows me better than anyone else, loves me nonetheless, and extemporizes beautifully. Which means I won’t have to leave this mortal coil feeling damned by faint praise. 

So I ran it past him:

SP: Well, I have serious doubts that I will be around to do so but in the unlikely event that you go first and I still have my marbles… I will do it. 

But I have a request in return. 

Jz: Shoot…

SP: I want your word that as long both of us are still alive and capable, we will have raucous sex whenever we meet. I know that the likelihood of us actually meeting again is low, but it is a fair request so I make it anyhow.

Jz: Deal!  Of course, by the time we next meet, we may not even be corporeal... but we'll figure something out!

SP: mmmmm, I am starting to dream about it now…

But how will I pleasure a pain slut who no longer has buttocks?? 

            Thinking… thinking…

I am confident he will come up with a plan, of course…

He always does.

    (But I’m sure hoping that it won’t find its way into my eulogy!)

In Which The Professor Teaches

How did you discover you were kinky?

Well… I blame credit SP for that one - on several levels, in fact.

(Although the revelations plunked out in bits and pieces that only added up years later.)

The first bit of awareness came back in the day when he and I were "Us"… and I realized just how many fewer boundaries I had with SP than I had ever dreamed possible. It wasn't even that we actually went all that far… it was more my internal recognition of how far I would go if he asked, how completely absent my boundaries were where he was concerned that surprised me.

Surprised me, but never worried me.

For that was the second revelation...

Because in recognizing my lack of boundaries with him, I also had to acknowledge that I considered our relationship to be outside the bounds of morality, as well. Which is an odd thing to try to describe, because I'm not saying that I felt that anything we were doing was  im-moral… I certainly didn't. There was no sense of shame or contrition for being the way I was with him...

It was just that I had such a bone-deep certainty that he and I, that "We", were so right that it transcended all ordinary conventions and mores… and being so very right, nothing we did together could, therefore, be wrong.

We were just… us.

(Of course, I could comfortably say that, knowing that our mutual moral codes also agreed on all the big ticket items (like, "murder is wrong" and "children are sacrosanct") so there was no danger of us burning in hell or getting slapped into jail.)

But these realizations of how love and sex could intersect outside of boundaries in a morally-neutral ground were each hugely important to the foundation that was being created for my later incarnation as a kinkster.

So SP had already irrevocably altered my way of thinking during our initial relationship.

But he wasn't done yet. Because twenty-seven years later, he uttered those immortal words:

"See?! You like to sub… and I like to dom!"

And all those funny little bits and pieces of knowledge and recognition were knocked soaring into orbit, where they circled for a moment before snapping together with a mighty *Clang!* of inner truth.

Oooooh, so that's where those all go!!

I am submissive!

And the rest, as they say, is history.

"Because I Like It" Wednesday

SP sent this, saying it was clearly written with me in mind…
And that he expected to see it on the blog.

Does this man know me, or what?!?

;-D

And We Were Doing So Well Up Until Then...

I had a chance to chat with SP recently, at a time when neither of us had to go anywhere and we could just babble away ad infinitum… a lovely circumstance that was made even nicer by the fact that it was one of those conversations where moods and interests fall into total sync….  Don'cha just love those times?

So we gabbed, and gabbed, and gabbed.

Made each other laugh, discussed Deep Things, and even tossed out compliments.

To the point that I told him he was going to give me a swell head if he kept that up.

"you are such a bubbling delight today that I have to throw in at least a few, although I can't do justice to the actual amount called for because it would derail the conversation to interrupt that often."

awwwww…. Isn't that sweet?

So the good times continued to flow.

More stories, resolving the world's problems, and laughter.

But then he teased me in a way that I have been specifically scolded for using on him.

So, naturally, I had to heckle him about that, right?

"Hey! Did you just do that thing you always yell at me for doing?"

        "quod licet Iovi non licet bovi"

"excuse me?!? … bovi???"

        "and I am Jupiter"

"BOVI????"

        "Europa...."

"nice try, white boy..."

So in the span of a few short minutes, I went from "bubbling delight" to "bovine"…

I may have to rethink that whole, "I love a guy who knows his Latin" thing.

In Which I Am Flabbergasted

After the last bout of discussions with BG over his wish for an MFF, I once again turned to SP and poured out my concerns. (Really, one day that man is just going to tell me to grow a pair, and hang up on my email in disgust…) 

His response (since that day has not yet arrived, however) really brought me up short.

He wrote that, were it him, he would not choose to ask me for a ménage (altho' he's a fan himself) because he knows my gut reaction to the proposition is too far removed from the excitement he’d want to elicit. So he considers the idea off the table.

BUT… (and here’s where it gets interesting) that choice isn't based on any disappointment in me, or because he is caving… Rather, he says it’s because he knows that if we proceeded, he would never be able to assure me of his unshakable primary connection with me - which he would experience as a personal defeat. And so, “selfishly”, he would prefer not to go there - for himself.

wait …

       … … …

    What…?!?

You mean the onus isn't entirely upon me?

     hmmmm…

I'm gonna have to think about this one...

Gobsmacked

Once again, SP has floored me. 

I was explaining about that "limping bunny" hangup that I have -- my worry that I'm not enough of a challenge for BG, that there's no thrill of the chase with me… 

Now, usually when I go off on these tangents, fretting about what's in BG's head, I get the cyber-equivalent of a shrug and a, "Hard to say, of course…"

But this time, he said, "Oh, I can help you with that one… He has to work for your willingness -- and that is a bigger task than you may think. He wants to be subtle yet effective, and "working" that takes a lot more than just picking an amiable subject."

?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Yep, another one of those "knock your perspective sideways" moments for Jz. 

Truly, in all the times I've thought about dominance and submission, I have never before considered the idea that a dominant might work for the submissive's willingness… 

It's not the generally perceived framework is it? 

(Or is it, and I've just missed the boat yet again?) 

Because to my mind, the more common explanation has always seemed to run more along the lines of, "the dom sets the way, and the sub accommodates that." 

Sure, there can be talk about "how he helps me adjust" or other ways in which he assists the sub in reaching compliance but I've interpreted them as being couched in terms of "I am wrong and he is helping me adjust to right", rather than "he is making it be right"...

I don't know. 

Am I blathering here?

Does this feel a bit stunning to anyone else besides me?

Holiday Heckling

(which is also holiday cheating -- not a lot of time for writing at the moment…)

Jz:  I was told, "I want you with your shoulders on the floor and your ass up"… which I took to mean face down, so I immediately tried every permutation of that imaginable. 

Only to be met by, "No... no... NO..."

SP: I don't understand what you were thinking.  

What that simple and reasonable request immediately evokes in image is the following:

lie on your back, and bring your legs up over your head, and lower your knees to the ground beside your head.

Jz:  Clearly, not that immediately...

SP: Really, here we see the reason for most of your twisting and spraining of body parts -- you don't know what is where or up from down. That makes it hard to walk, much less do anything more challenging.  Yet still you achieve it.

SP: most of the time, anyhow…

A Post post-script

I had a little follow-up to the Temps Perdu post…

SP:  You really got me with that rolling over in bed memory. Such a simple, non-explicit sentence, yet it was very erotic… but I really don't remember it happening. 

I hope I just rolled over and fucked you silly…?

Jz:  No, actually, you proceeded to give me a lecture on the differences between lay and lie and the conjugations thereof…

SP:  ha! There's an occupational hazard for you!

Jz:  Well, I just figured it was early and your mouth/brain filter hadn't kicked in yet. I'm sure it seemed entirely appropriate to you at the time. *ahem*

SP:  While you rolled your eyes in the dark, I'm sure. 

Next time, I'll just slam you to the mattress and fuck you hard, while forcing you to construct correct sentences in all tenses, using forms of both lay and lie.

Jz:  At which I would fail miserably, resulting in much further fucking...

SP:  Precisely!

      Grammar for the win!

(see, I'm really not wrong to think that words can be fun…) ;-p

Les Temps Perdu

I sent this to SP as a birthday card:

And he loved it every bit as much as I do. :-)

Which is not at all surprising, considering he's the one who once rolled over in bed (at 5:45 AM!) to eye me with chagrin before scolding, "Oh, honey... You rarely make mistakes in grammar but that one was a doozy!"

To which I might have replied, "It's not yet 6 and I haven't had my coffee. Shut up."

But I'm not entirely sure because my brain's a bit sluggish at that time of day... clearly.

Yet, Some Warnings Might Not Go Amiss...

SP, on some of the more absurd sexual tropes that the internet has spawned...

"While there are many positives to the fact that sexually explicit material is so readily available, I have to shrug and laugh at the ridiculous expectations that material can provoke in both men and women. … *I* am at an age where I can see it's ridiculous, and so am able to shrug and laugh. Young people at the beginning of their sexual life, however, may get thrown by that shit... 

I think maybe some porn should come with an equivalent to the "professional driver on a closed course" warning..."

(Comme ça?)

Synchronicity

One of the loveliest aspects to my long and quirky relationship with SP is the synchronicity we have together. Moods, connections, conversations… we're very often on the same page without having to negotiate to get there.

Like the other night…

He came online and started teasing about a date.

Now, my libido is still AWOL so I'm not feeling warm and fuzzy about any kind of tusslin'… but I would love to just be held for a while by someone who cares. 

And, lo...

SP: in my present mood I am more interested in just having a lovely dinner and a walk (complete with a smooch) on the beach, followed by a nice cuddle…  (altho' of course, it's quite possible that the next thing you know, you will be waking up to find me piercing your nipple…)

Jz:   so, cosseting first, piercing later, is this what you're telling me?

SP:  more like warning you the worm could turn on a dime

Jz:   duly noted

Caveat issued, the planning of a fantasy date began…

with several decisions reached:

-hygenic preparations -- First, I will be shorn of my newly-restored "pretty draping", after which he will luxuriate in a tub of hot mineral-salted water, being "bathed lusciously" by a freshly-denuded, wet and slippery Me.

-selection of the restaurant -- "it has to be really nice and we will get all dressed up." (and since it's fantasy, I'll even actually have something to wear...)

-seating requirements -- "side by side seating will be needed so that I can indulge in some feeling up of your side boob … which I cannot do sitting across from you because it would require an overtly crass movement that would spoil the atmosphere." 

(not to mention cause me to snort wine out my nose in laughter…)

-behavioral instruction -- "you will laugh with mirth at all of my jokes, no matter how small they may be…"

-postprandial footwear --

"who wears shoes on a beach??" 

"only a fool"

Additionally…

-I was called an oaf -- ("sweet oaf…, lovely oaf…, but oaf, none the less")

      and 

-I received a lecture -- on the complexities of the preterite tense

He hit all my buttons, without crossing over into my current no-man's land. He kept it sweet, funny, loving, and physical enough to be hot, but not so much that I'd get triggered into discomfort -- all without me having to say a word.

Seriously…?

This man can do more for me from thousands of miles away than most guys who show up in real life with candy and flowers ever could.

Best long-distance hug EVAH. :-)

Bolstering, SP-style

SP: How are you? -- that's the question

Jz: I'll get there - one always does

SP: spoken like a somewhat weary legionnaire

Jz: well yeah, I'm pretty darned unhappy

Jz: dispirited, disillusioned, fed up, lonely…

Jz: but this is life - we can't all live the dream, right?

SP: I wish there was something concrete I could do for you, 

       but that is as unrealistic as saying "I'll go to the bathroom for you"

 Jz: How 'bout we just say I appreciate the thought and stop at that…? ;-p

I Laughed Until I Cried

In a most timely stroke of serendipity (I have no time to compose anything at the moment -- VERY busy weekend here,) I just received permission to publish this.

So once again, A Post Cribbed From SP.  :-)

"The Statement" was nothing but a little email joke that I forwarded along to him.

I'd expected that he would just laugh and agree. 

(Silly, silly Jz...)

It was hours before I was done wiping tears of laughter from my eyes.

Hope you guys like it even half as much...

The Statement:

SP's Rebuttal: 

“Nice, but I don't know if I can accept the first statement as axioma.  If we go with axiomatic statements I could just as easily say that: girls=time+money

Now, if BOTH statements are correct, it would mean that time and money both are two which would makes girls and "all evil" four  --  assuming that the saying "money is the root of all evil", refers to a square root.  (Does this mean that "girls" need to be in groups of exactly or at least four to reach the level of "all evil"?)

However if the only true statement is:

     girls = money + time

we get:

     girls - sqrt(all evil) =time

or, of course:

     girls - time= sqrt(all evil)

The first conclusion seeming to indicate that life is bloody boring without girls who aren't at least a little naughty.

The second one seeming to indicate that not spending time with girls leads to discontented misbehavior, possibly even petty crime.

In this formulation it actually doesn't matter if it is a square or cubic or whatever root.

So, the "+" statement is preferable because it is more in sync with reality as can be observed and the issue of the root has been rendered unimportant. 

We learn from this, at least from my perspective: 

1) girls should be taught from early on that some evil is very good (if not even yummy)

2) guys need to spend time with girls

3) then there will be happiness and peace all over this world

There, once again I have resolved all problems and have created a simple and attractive path to world peace.

All I charge for this tremendous service is: one (1) eurocent per person presently living, and one (1) eurocent from every new-born until my death. I am not a greedy person."

*****************************

(I wanted to exercise my editorial prerogative and add in "And a Nobel Prize" between the last two sentences, to keep a certain continuity of theme going, but I was asked not to. He wasn't at all sure, "that such a simple equation is really Nobel worthy ... plus, [he'd] rather have the money.")

SP Responds

"You certainly know to pick the silly stuff that will get fun responses!

After reading the comments, I started to mull over the development of a small computer/projector with voice-to-script capacity that women can wear as a pretty necklace but that, when turned on, projects what they are saying on their boobs.  If I can come up with a successful design it will probably win me the Nobel peace price for improvement in human communication..."

(Have I mentioned his humility?)