In Which SP Alarms Me

I’ve put several more funerals under my belt since last we spoke of them so, naturally, I have been contemplating my own... and I have decided that I really want SP to deliver my eulogy. 

He knows me better than anyone else, loves me nonetheless, and extemporizes beautifully. Which means I won’t have to leave this mortal coil feeling damned by faint praise. 

So I ran it past him:

SP: Well, I have serious doubts that I will be around to do so but in the unlikely event that you go first and I still have my marbles… I will do it. 

But I have a request in return. 

Jz: Shoot…

SP: I want your word that as long both of us are still alive and capable, we will have raucous sex whenever we meet. I know that the likelihood of us actually meeting again is low, but it is a fair request so I make it anyhow.

Jz: Deal!  Of course, by the time we next meet, we may not even be corporeal... but we'll figure something out!

SP: mmmmm, I am starting to dream about it now…

But how will I pleasure a pain slut who no longer has buttocks?? 

            Thinking… thinking…

I am confident he will come up with a plan, of course…

He always does.

    (But I’m sure hoping that it won’t find its way into my eulogy!)

Observing the Niceties

So, the beginning of the past week found me, quite honestly, feeling a bit hurt. Too many people were a little too surprised by my actions in helping my sweet elderly friend. As I spoke, they would get this faint look of shock on their faces and then say, “That was very nice of you!”… in a tone that implied, “Who are you and what have you done with Jz?”

Now, I know… and have indeed told you all in these pages… that I am not a particularly kind person. But I’m hardly The Beast of Belsen either, for cripes sake! Yet people were so markedly taken aback by things I'd done that I was forced to wonder, “How the heck do I come across to others? That was just basic compassion -- and these people are my friends... yet they’re surprised by my behavior. What on earth kind of an impression do I convey?!?”

It was, if I may risk a little self-indulgence, pretty disheartening.

But then came a trip to the laundromat. (note to self: find money for plumber…) 

A youngish guy came in to move his clothes from washer to dryer and started rooting around the vending machines. Finally he looked at me.

“Am I just not seeing the dryer sheets or do they really not have any?”

  “Nope, there aren’t any. But I’ve got plenty, would you like a couple?”

“What?! But…, Are you sure??  … Thank you! Really…, thank you!” 

Again I elicit surprise.

Over two stinkin’ sheets of Bounce this time…

     And I started to think, maybe it’s not me. 

Maybe that’s just the world today. 

Maybe people really don’t expect to encounter simple consideration from others anymore.

And, you know, while it’s a relief that the surprise isn’t personal, I think I'm even more disheartened than if it were…

Life Gets in The Way

Did you like the way I celebrated my seven-year blogging anniversary with total silence?

It wasn’t intentional - there are a couple of drafts waiting to be finished, my heart is in the writing… but real life things keep getting in the way, dang it!

The latest is that I was deputized as primary emergency contact for a 91-year old while her kids went away on vacation for five days. We’ve done this before with nary a problem but this time ‘round the poor thing got sick as a dog and ended up in intensive care - with me by her side. So there went that weekend…

All’s well, tho’.

Just… STILL no time!

But I’m thinking of you guys!

Man of Mystery?

He texted me:

     “God, I need that mouth!”

Being a responsible kind of gal, I said No to distracted driving and used dictation to reply.

I took a moment to proof before hitting “Send”, tho’…

...and discovered that my enthusiastic “ooooooh, yeah” had been transcribed as:

        “Who are you”

I was glad I caught the mistake, of course

     but I still can't help but wonder how he would have responded!

A Quick Update

I’m thinking maybe I need to rename my blog…

“A Reluctant Blogger”… ?

    “A Reclusive Bitch”… ??

        “This Honkin’ Empty Space That Jz Used to Fill Periodically”… ???

It’s been a long couple of weeks. 

You wouldn’t think a person could be both cranky and apathetic at the same time but I put paid to that misconception, let me tell you! Not that I was evil to be around on a casual basis but still, my words suffered… and as I’m not a big fan of the “Woe is me” theory of blogging, I chose to remain silent. (Actually, I don’t write easily when I’m in these moods either, so it was only partially a conscious choice.)

It’s all intangible stuff, anyhow… nothing that makes a good story. No horrifying life traumas or anything, just simple dissatisfaction. Things that can (and will) be addressed but it seems I require a period of wallowing in apathy before I can summon the oomph to gird my loins and commence any protracted battle. (The wisest thing, of course, would be to never UNgird, but optimism and laziness combine to get me on that front, every time.) 

I think I’ve turned the corner, tho’… and of course now that the desire to blog is returning, I’m so busy playing catchup from days on end of binge-watching archeology shows rather than doing dishes or dusting or yardwork… that there’s no time to write.

Which is a shame… I had a magnificent idea for a bit on one woman’s contribution to aid the plight of the monarch butterfly (which I composed mentally while slalom-mowing around the milkweed shoots in my field,) but by the time I finished cutting an acre of overgrown field in the noonday sun, all whimsy had been shaken right out of my head. The only thoughts remaining were, “Water!”, “Shade!”, and “Advil…!” 

(Note to self: find money to fix rider.)

So I still have no stories for you… but I do at least see the muse on the horizon.

(If only she would arrive on a functioning riding mower!)