February Vacation

We haven’t gone anywhere scenic yet, have we?

Well, don’t worry - we’re going someplace really nice this year...

(worth the wait, huh?)

Sign up below! ;-)

That's it for February Fragments.

Stayed tuned for Q&A March!

Peevish Since 1971

After all,

he liked that he could remember his own name there…

Why ignore the horse?

Really, dude.

Trending...

Reality.

The Adult Epidemic.

From The Corner of My Eye

The Enquirer often gets me, too.

Like everyone, I have a brain that likes to play tricks on me - and one of its favorites is to misrepresent the words I see in my peripheral vision.

Like the time I thought my local grocer was trying to sell me fish from Palestine. Which, upon second look, turned out to be from pristine waters.

The lab machine that warned, “Hemostat - Do Not Use With Garlic” (snappily wheeled away before I could sort that one out)

That McDonald’s sign offering, “More Alligator Biscuits” (???) (no clue)

Or the technical report that I swore informed me that “dick shots are enabled for the server…” 

   (*disk*, Jz, *disk*…”)

Sometimes, however, it’s not my brain playing tricks.

Sometimes what we have is a genuine failure of the written word...

       or more precisely, of the writer. 

(Not gonna link, but I promise, this is a genuine citation.)

West-African Style Chicken Soup 

Ingredients:

    1 onion, diced

    2 carrots

    2 t minced garlic

    1 t thyme

    1 scotch bonnet

    1 t paprika

    1 bay leaf

    5 C broth

    1 t all spice

    1 Coyote, cut in large chunks

    1 flavor packet cock soup

???????????????????????????????

Now, I can find coyote in large chunks - that's common enough alongside the highway… 

But cock soup? That one's got me stumped…

          (Think I can convince anyone to let me simmer theirs in boiling water?)

chayote
The "h" is silent... and the o's an "a"

He is not amused by soup jokes...

*nod, nod*

I like this one.

It’s kind of the Baby Bear of inspirational quotations.

You know, not too optimistic, not too pessimistic…

I don’t have to kill anyone for being too cheery,

Or shoot them for making me cry…

yup.

It’s Juuust Right.

;-D

Truth in Astrology

               Yeah…

                     yesterday?

               If the world were just, I would be a millionaire now.

               just sayin'...

Recalcitrant Horses

SP was quizzing me the other day about the possibility that BG & I might work something out … basically playing a little bit therapist and a little bit devil’s advocate. It was sweet and very much appreciated and, given the past history of the “Jz & BG” saga, completely understandable. But at the risk of proving myself a fool some time in the future, I’m going to go all definite on your asses and declare that this time it’s over for good.

It has to be, really - because this time, there are no extenuating circumstances to excuse the wrong turns. Previously, reconciliation may have been a risk but I was not actually diminishing myself by saying, “ok, let’s try again.” 

This time, I would be. 

This time, I would not be able to respect my own decision - 

        And if I couldn’t, how in the world could I expect him to?

So, I can’t go there, no matter how much I wish I could.

Instead, I work on getting past the mourning stage - which is never a fast process. Three months into this nonsense and I’m still stopping several times a day to breathe deeply and blow out the pain. Because I miss him. 

Through all the ups and downs, BG and I never fought, could always have honest discussions, and never failed to have a lot of fun when we were together. We teased and laughed and just generally got along like a house a-fire. In terms of two people simply being together, we were a great match. 

"I'm pulling... are YOU pulling?"

However, when it came to the growth of our relationship, we turned into that team at the horse pull… You know, the pair that looks well-matched, who both seem to be trying their darndest… but who just never get their game on at the same time. They lurch and halt, playing their own personal game of pushme/pullyou from each side of the harness until they stall into panting, sweating immobility.

That was us.

Eventually, (and unhappily,) we lost faith in each other. I think all the jostling just plain wore us out.

“Recalcitrant Horses:

The Story of A Love Gone Wrong”

Things Not To Forget, #64

And Me Without a Flashlight...

Botany Lesson?

After weeks of injuries and ailments that kept me from kneeling or weeding, my gardens were completely out of control - particularly the herb garden. (aka "Land of Thyme Run Amok") Attention was needed - and I gave it.

But it struck me (as I was finger-combing detritus from my chives) that all this caregiving wasn’t just one-way. Our plants give back to us in ways that reach even beyond their blossoms and fruit. Gardening can actually teach us valuable life lessons:

when to water, when to fertilize

when to deadhead, when to prune

when to transplant, when to thin

how to identify pests

how to know when you need to yank something up by the roots

(Are you sensing the metaphor yet?)

These are lessons I’ve been slow to learn, I’m afraid. 

In general, my approach to plant care could be best described as "benign neglect." I don’t like having to be all fiddly over things all the time, so I haven’t always paid the attention necessary to keep my plants flourishing. I do realize I have a certain responsibility toward my garden - I can’t expect it to thrive without some degree of attention… but I don’t want something that just up and dies if I’m not there coaxing it on a daily basis, either. There’s a pretty fine line between the two, however, and I’ve had trouble finding it.

(wait… did my metaphor just switch POV?)

Hmmm...
Maybe some days you’re the gardener - other days, the garden?

To Continue A Theme

Because now we’re truly into the holiday weekend…

Back to my book! :-D

A Long Week Ends

   and a long weekend begins…

Let The Good Times Roll!

What She Says...

News Flash

(Because, you know, when it’s important, you give it a big headline…)

“Kim Kardashian's Daily Makeup Routine Costs $770”

So I did a little math.

If Mrs. West would give up makeup for…

     One hour - I could buy enough gas for a week. 

     A single day - I’d have groceries enough for about four months.

     One week - would cover my bathroom re-build. 

                    (With some left over, cuz I don’t require much in the way of mirrors…)

     A month - I could buy a new car and a new computer, as well as insurance for both.

     A year - would completely pay all my taxes for the rest of my life.

CLEARLY, this woman needs to be persuaded to embrace the new “no makeup” fad…

     … and to donate the savings to those less fortunate. (“me! me!”)

Yeah, okay, I’m not holding my breath.

But it made a lovely little daydream…  :-D

Valentine's Day 2017 - All The Feels

Bewildered:

feelin’ this, I can tell ya

 Sad:

ok, just a little whine...

Anxious:

Hey! I’m right here! Hello...?

Hopeful:

because my inner optimist is incorrigible...

Scornful:

this strikes the right chord...

      (and while we’re talking about bacon…) 

Amused:

because yoda and bacon, hello

Wistful:

*sigh* working on getting past this...

Philosophical:

Striving!

Doubtful:

“do I reeeally even want to try?”

Fed up:

best idea in ever!

Philanthropic:

wishing you all a love to share

Happy Valentine’s Day

For SP

He knows why…

(well, okay, yeah... you guys probably do, too.)

Doggie Dreams

Because there’s always a dog!

Something to Sniff At

Between the cold dry weather and having the heat on, my sinuses have been very unhappy creatures lately… yet there’s only so much medicine you can take for a stuffy head - and humidifiers are frowned upon in my office. So I decided to look around for an inhaler. They may not necessarily clear things out much but they do make me feel a little better. At least, for a short while after the carefully-regulated moments at which they're allowed to approach your nose… (“Do not exceed 4 sniffs per nostril in a 24-hour period, lest your nose fall off.”)

So imagine my delight when I came upon an all-natural inhaler, medication-free and allowing for limitless sniffing - without timers or fear of leprosy.

That was a wonderful enough discovery in and of itself but as I read on, I was also quite charmed by the product description on the back: "Especially beneficial during times of seasonal discomfort, low humidity, and other unwelcome nasal encounters."

Immediately, my mind filled with possibilities…

Other people bring earplugs to the gym - think I could pull off a couple of these stuffed in my nose?

Truer Words...

Everyone who gets in my way, at least!

Some Things Never Change

Long ago and far, far away:

former beau: “God, I need to organize all this stuff…"

me: “I could do that for you…"

former beau: “Oh, would you? That would be great!

me: "… but to find any of it again, you'll have to think like me."

former beau: “Ah… Nevermind.”

;-D

A Fine Plan For February

Any February… not just this one!  ;-)

(Or weekend... Or anytime, really.)   

The Pleasant Surprise

I had an odd (for me) experience the other day. 

Good, but unusual and unexpected.

I had been talking to an acquaintance at work - we were comparing lousy weeks - and I happened to mention that I had recently re-entered the world of the single woman. I wasn’t whining about it, it was mentioned only as a portion of the extensive backdrop to another wretched event. She’s actually the only person in real life to whom I’ve even mentioned the breakup - for the most part, I’m just not saying anything one way or the other. (Well, SP excepted… but he kind of straddles my two worlds.)

But that part is neither here nor there. 

The important detail of this little story came 3 days later, when I went into my office and there on my desk sat a very prettily-wrapped little pot of flowers with a very thoughtful note. There was no gushing, sympathy, or hugging, just a little “things will get better - take care of you.”

It was a kindness that shook me. 

Partially because I can literally count on one hand how many times in my life anyone has bought me flowers. But more importantly, because this is just not the kind of thing that people do for me - my friends are wonderful and I adore them - but that’s not how we roll.

I was taken off guard by the gift… and surprised by how much it moved me.

I may have to rethink my stance on kind people after all!

And so the week begins

Lazy Sunday

(At least, not before the coffee is made…)

Small Victories, Minor Triumphs

1- I finally paid off my credit card in full. Took me nearly a year to catch up from a big bunch of big-ticket expenditures last fall, but this month, it is DONE. Of course, last month was Christmas shopping, so the next bill will set me right back to square one, numbers-wise.
But I will know they’re new numbers, not carry-overs! (*nod, nod*)

2- I found a recipe for bread that will use up the lingering remains of BG’s beer.

Painful reminders replaced by hot, buttery wonderfulness! 

          How soon can I start?!?

3- Shoveling snow for nearly two hours gives you LOTS of caloric wiggle room for treats on a snowy day! Yeah, bring on the hot chocolate... and make it a double!

4- My libido hasn’t gone AWOL this breakup ‘round. 

Mind you, I still have absolutely NO interest in sex with another person… but last time, neither my hands or my toy box could inspire the slightest flicker of interest, either. The merest thought of sex simply depressed me. That would, um, not be the case this round. 

I may not be all hormones, all the time, but there’s no danger of permanent atrophy setting in, either. Which is kind of a relief.

and…

Well, that’s about it for now.

But I think it’s a decent amount to start with.

This...

… stamped on a 2 x 4 and applied generously to my head, please.

I've Always Thought...

that it must feel lovely to need to tiptoe to kiss someone….

(#tallwomanproblems)

"Because I Like It" Wednesday

No idea what to say about this one except:

It 

Makes 

Me 

Laugh

(Where was this when I had a college dorm room to decorate?)