More Unfortunate Tattoos

Seriously...

What on earth would you do if you discovered this adorning the backside of someone you'd thought to bed?

The Joys of Company

It's nice to have someone around to talk to.

Fun to share shopping adventures.

Lovely to be able to giggle and laugh over coffee in the morning.

Companionable to have someone with whom you can toss around thoughts and ideas.

Freeing to discuss your relationship without keeping a discreet veil over important parts.

And reassuring, when you sprawl headlong onto the driveway, to know that there's someone who will come out and help you if you call.

Even when you decide that you don't need the help, that you can simply pop the displaced ankle part back and get yourself up (after a few moment of watching the clouds from your supine position on the gravel,) it really is comforting to know the option of assistance is there.

Yep -- Company is The Best.

I just hope I didn't scare mine away for good…

I had fun, 'nilla!  :-D

He Sez...

That the only thing missing from this is my naked ass in the chair…

So he remedied the omission.

:-D

Dissecting the Moonchild, Part Last

OK, this is the last day that the sun is in Cancer, so you're on the home stretch of having to listen to me blather on about my moonchild self!

"Cancerians are tenaciously loyal partners, 

who love unreservedly, giving much and asking little in return."

This sounds so lofty and noble, I almost hesitate to claim that kind of loving as my own.

Yet anyone who's read here for a while will undoubtedly understand why I see truth in this…

as well as in this… (both traits that drove my Dad absolutely crazy, btw.)

So maybe it really does all boil down to this…?

I Have Crops!

          Lo... Behold!

First Picking 2015

Yeah, okay.

Mock me if you will...

But this one tomato is the most bounty I've gotten out of my garden for three summers.

       ("Kill da wabbit, Kill da wabbit…")

(Actually, Bambi was more the problem than Thumper, but there are no good Elmer Fudd songs for tracking deer, so we'll stick with that…)

Anyhow...

You guys keep laughing.

I'll be enjoying my harvest - with a smug smile on my face.  :-D

I am Gardener, hear me roar...

Dissecting the Moonchild, Part Three

"Cancerians have a retentive memory, particularly for emotionally laden events which they can recall in detail for years afterwards."

I don't know that this is *just* Moonchildren - but it definitely is me.

Especially the way this card tells it. 

Because I generally get over the hurt,
   and if I've gotten over the hurt, I will rarely hold a grudge…

but I will NOT forget the argument… 

       or any of the tiny details that a more forebearing personality would let go of.

So I may not still be actively upset about something… but you can pretty much expect to hear about it every once in a while for the rest of eternity, nontheless!  :-D

Further Reflections on pr0n

So this time, he was the one showing me some porn he liked - visual aids to demonstrate a goal he has in mind.

I cannot in all honestly call the clips "a spectacular failure"… they did show me what he wants, and the level of accommodation that we will be shooting for. They were very appropriate as instructional tools... 

But I couldn't give him the kind of, "ooooh, yeah, baby" kind of feedback I think he was hoping for, either, because as erotic titillation, those clips left me cold.

This stuff we do?… is really not compelling for me when viewed outside of the context of an affectionate relationship. I am simply not a "Hi - we just met but let me take my clothes off and scream for you" kind of gal. I don't like things that are too impersonal and I don't like things that are degrading. (Just me -- I fully realize that everyone's mileage will vary here.)

I think this is why I go to stills and gifs for my porn -- I can concentrate on the narrower focal point and my imagination has room to fill in the human interaction that turns distressing into enticing. That way, I can slip mentally into the scene and ride the heat and energy generated.

Videos do not allow you that luxury, however. They're seen through a wider lens, occupying all of the senses and leaving no scratch-disk space for the mental Photoshopping that lets me personalize a scene. There is no entrée into them -- so I am forced to remain on the sidelines, an uncomfortable spectator wearing the faintest grimace of distaste.

That's not a comfortable feeling. Both because, distaste, hello, but also because I'm supposed to like this shit! Why can I not simply watch the porn and get horny? 

It would certainly make BG happy and let me feel like far less of a prudish loser.

But that's just not how it works for me.

The good news, of course, is that even if the porn doesn't turn me on, BG does. 

He has the exact, perfect knack for pressing all the right mental buttons and making our version of the video clip a real-life wonder. So I don't have any problem with real life...

It's just that darned porn stuff.

Apropos of Nothing

Dissecting the Moonchild, Part Two

Moonchild As Retreating Crustacean

"Shy Cancers are deathly afraid of being rejected, so if they feel that there's even the slightest chance that will happen, they'll immediately pull back into their shells. They find it difficult to communicate what they're feeling because they shut down all emotional responses when hurt. They can seem emotionally immature, which might be true in some cases, but most of the time the fact is simply that they have a uniquely receptive nature."

Hooo-boy, is this one true for me.

SP refers to that withdrawal as my "retreat to that small, hurt place, from which [I] have to be coaxed with sweet words and promises." 

I'll admit, that description bothers me a bit - on many levels, not least because it sounds so terribly manipulative. And deliberate… not to mention childish and attention-seeking. And who wants to own up to those as accurate adjectives?

Yet there is a reason that Moonchildren are known for retreating into their shells -- we're touchy. Yes, I make that retreat, I know I do. But it's not deliberately done to elicit coaxing or attention - those can actually be irritating. (Probably because the kid-glove treatment infers that I'm being called all of the adjectives listed above.) 

No, I retreat because I want to be left alone. Because that small place is where I go when I'm feeling overwhelmed, when I need to put some kind of barrier between me and… heck, everything, even myself. It's like getting to sit in your room behind a closed door, except you take that closed room with you wherever you go. 

It's finding the space to breathe and regroup - and reason myself out of being over-reactive.

It's what I need to do to be able to emerge and finish the discussion sensibly. :-)

This author clearly does know a Cancer...

TMI Tuesday - Just Wondering

1. What places have you visited in the last year that you know you will never visit again?

I've gone nowhere… and I'm pretty sure that's where I will be spending most of my time in the future as well, so I'm going to pass on this question.  :-D

2. We often hear, “You can do anything you put your mind to.” 

      If you really, actually could, list 5 things you would do.

Quit work and ramble my way cross-country.

Walk the Camino de Santiago.

Buy every child in the world one good book.

Own the Pietà. 

(which I would house in my back yard, so others might enjoy it, as well.)

Find love.

3. What physical acts would you attempt if you knew you would not fail?

Perform in a trapeze act.

Fix my stone wall.

Ride the pipeline.

Do that MFF that BG wants.

4. What are you doing this month that you have never done before?

Turning 56.  ;-D

5. What is the weirdest or strangest substance you’ve bathed in?

Baking soda and water. (Trying to de-pain a sunburn.)

Bonus: Finish this sentence: Right now I’m ______ .

Making ice cream.

See Who Else is Playing TMI Tuesday!

Dissecting the Moonchild, Part One

Moonchild As Bundle of Contradictions

"Cancerians are very unpredictable, a tidal force of perplexing emotion that can encompass stubborn, compliant, furious, and docile, all within the space of an hour.  

Fluid like water, a Cancerian is both peaceful and passionate, with personality traits that range from sweetness and loyalty to petulance and resentment." 

AND- if anyone's said anything stupid to me recently...

That last line there…
Yes - THAT...

Yep.
I've been claiming partial credit because of this for years!

Overthinking Underthings

Or, more precisely, the lack of underthings.

Because I've had to give up on slinky lingerie...

       not enough money and far too great an increase of flesh.

Now, the flesh part can be worked around, I realize. You just have to know your (revised) size and find a good vendor. But restocking the drawers takes money, and I just don't have any of that to spare.

It's a disheartening situation, however, because despite being about as far from the stereotypical frippery type as it's possible to get, I do have a deeply ingrained weakness for the darned stuff. (I think I just like knowing like there's something pretty to look at on the way to stark naked.) So, I do rather mourn the lack…

BG, on the other hand, really could not care less.

          "I want you naked…"

          "Naked and kneeling…"

          "naked, beer in hand…"

          "Naked would be appropriate…"

          "wearing nothing but a smile…"

          "naked…"

Which I suppose doesn't make any of you think twice, really.

          "Man wants his woman nekkid, what's so unnatur'l about that?"

But what I see is a change.

During those five years before our "little break", I was always to greet him wearing some sexy undies -- which he would have off within moments of arrival, I grant you -- but they were to be there to rip off.

Not anymore, however.

And while that makes my wallet grateful, the rest of me is… suspicious.

I find myself indulging in an assortment of unhelpful speculations as to the reason (which I cannot detail here because they would cause SP to hop in his car, drive cross-country, and whack me with a stick) and though I try to push them aside, they circle back sneakily when I'm not paying attention.

Eighty-six million better things to worry about (vehicle, appliances, plumbing, employment) 

       and this is what my brain fixates on… lingerie.

I take back that "with age comes wisdom" comment.

Come Along For The Ride!

Inner Dialogues #1 - The Work Commute:

     Man, I don't wanna go to work today!

     Why do I bother ironing the backs of skirts? They crumple the minute you sit, anyhow…

     Either I need new tires or my back wheel is possessed by hyperactive demons…

          Demons are cheaper.

     I really hope I can figure out why that image is broken…

     Oooo, those clouds are gorgeous…!

     Is it lunchtime yet...?

     Dude, please… Put. On. A. Shirt. 

Why is it that men can wander all over Christendom with their shirts off, anyhow?

That is grossly unfair and frequently unappealing. 

I need to speak to someone about that…

     I'm far more excited about unearthing that extra deodorant in the cupboard last night than a person should be…

     Oh, yay! "Stuff to Blow Your Mind!" is on…!

     I either need to sleep more or drink more coffee...

     Oooh, that's right! I found a dollar in my pocket this morning! 

     I can haz iced coffee! 

     Oh, lord. What was that klunk?

Well, there's nothing lying on the pavement behind me, anyhow…

     Hullo, little dog.

Please get out of the road… 

     Thank you!

     I really should mow the lawn again today… 

Why are we so obsessed by these wars against unstoppable forces? 

          Grass grows, dust gathers. 

I say we should just learn to embrace them…

     Oooo, what pretty flowers…!

     What shall I make for date night this week...?

      And do I have beer...?

     I wonder why they don't make rhubarb yogurt? 

It's way better than lemon or coffee, and they sell those…

     Whoa! No, that's okay... 

Take your half of the road out of the middle... 

          Mo-ron.

     Wow. I've never seen a turkey fly before… 

much less one that's crapping as it lofts across the road...

     Thank you for reaching the other side before I cross your path, Mr. Turkey.