Pick A Number...

Have I mentioned that I suck at math?
Well, I do.
Absolutely and incontrovertibly.

It's not the logic or the functions -- I actually rock at algebraic, geometric, and trigonometrical reasoning. It's the numbers.
I cannot process basic arithmetic operations without utilizing every single one of my fingers and toes. (Even if I'm solving for "2 + 3 = __")

I blame third grade. Our teacher was a big fan of this math game that put you on the spot in front of your peers and didn't let you down until you were the first one to answer correctly. It was intended to build our enjoyment of math. All I gained was the certain knowledge that one can survive abject public humiliation -- AND how to it feels to have your brain completely freeze…
Eventually, of course, I did learn better coping skills. But to this day, my brain still stutters when I'm asked to do anything involving numbers.

So imagine if you will…

He'd promised to make me fly -- and hoooboy, did he. But while I was soaring in the stratosphere, he decided to check on me -- in an entirely different way than he has ever used before:

  "One to ten, how are you doing?"
       *glaze*

  "No, come back down here to me and answer...
   One to ten, how are you doing?"
       *blink*
       *blink*
("oh. he's talking to me…")

  "One to ten, Jz..."
       *blink*
       *blink*
       *slight focus*
("crud -- he want numbers…")

  "One. To. Ten…"
       "e-e-e-i-i-i-g-h-t"

  "OK, good...
    now back to business..."
       *stuff, stuff, stuff*
       *WHACK! WHACK!*
       *eep!*

He is perfectly satisfied and has moved on.
My sluggish brain is still creaking…
("eight is between one and ten, isn't it…?")

I'd call him on this nasty trick -- but why give a dominant any additional opportunity to say, "and your point is…?"  ;-)
       (♪ la, la, la ♪)   

Open Letter To The Young Woman I Saw Today

Yes, those are very sexy shoes.

But seeing you clomp down the sidewalk in them, "rawr!" was not the first thought to come to mind.
Rather, it was, "Pull in your butt and straighten your legs, woman!"

My mama used to say, "If you can't walk gracefully in a pair of shoes, you have no business wearing them."

Of course, my mama also said that a wedding is a bride's special day and you should never dress to compete with her.
Which kinda makes me think that you might have reconsidered the whole "nude spandex mini tube dress" thing.

Or at the very least, have consulted your own mama...
(just one woman's opinion)