Yard Sale Adventures

I was committed to hosting one ("Location, location, location!") but not actually ready for it. The day arrived, however... and at some point, you have to just say, “All this is really going to cost me is some heavy lifting and a day” … and just go for it.

Monetarily, the results reflected my preparedness. I made some money but not a killing. 

The people-watching, however, was priceless.

A very handsome, engaging man (higher on the “attractive-to-Jz” scale than the new neighbor and more age-appropriate as well,) spent several lovely minutes beaming and telling me how happy I had made him by selling him my old wok. (If only it were always that easy to enchant men!)

A vivacious young woman in a vibrantly colored tube top jump suit (which she wore over an extremely pedestrian brassiere) hopped out of her car, marched straight to two of the larger items for sale and handed me the asking price with no haggling. (“These will be perfect for my work!”) Carrying the pieces triumphantly over her head (showing both an impressive amount of upper body strength and a significant increase of visible bra), she surfer-walked them to her car and then fought with her husky to “Move over and make room!” 

She made me smile - and feel very old at the same time…

One young boy was so enthralled with his new model car that he walked straight into the pedestal sink, forcing his mother to perform a leap of heroic distance to body-check the teetering porcelain before it toppled onto the lad’s brother.

A crotchety old lady bulldozed her way through my front hedges and complained about stubbing her toe on the big telephone pole anchor which is embedded beneath the hedges - the one that belongs to the utility company and which I cannot do anything about. (And by the way madam, why are you walking through my hedges in the first place?) She then bitched at me for not planting some grass seed to cover the large bare patches in lawn and turned, empty-handed, to barge her way back through the hedges - stubbing her toe a second time and turning back to yell, “See? This is a hazard!"

I called a polite, “Thank you for bringing it to my attention” while my sister-in-law, who is the most Christian of women, muttered, “Some people!” beneath her breath.

Not every encounter was that notable but they were all fun. Men hopping out of their trucks to ask if I have any marbles (“Nope, I’ve lost all of mine!”), women getting excited about potholders, that kind of thing. Mostly, we just met people and were reminded that we live in a community, not a bubble. We greeted and smiled, chatted and waved goodbye. 

Now it's time for the next step... the rented dumpster!

Squamata Ahead!

BG & I seem to have inadvertently stumbled into a common theme with our Christmas gifts for each other... Yep, 2020 is apparently going to be our Year of The Reptile.

First, he received a snakebit kit. (*ahem*)

I assured him during the entire opening process that his gift stemmed purely from my concern for his health… and I had him going until the box was fully unwrapped. *grin*

Then it was my turn... 

And I’m getting a Bad Dragon!

I get to pick which Bad Dragon, but a Bad Dragon it will be, by golly.

… *gulp*…

Have you guys ever actually looked at their products?!?

Holy Moses - talk about awe-inspiring…! 

        (Or, as gg says, “intimidating verging on terrifying”)

They are described as “fantasy-themed sex toys aimed at the furry community” but I have to admit that while browsing the site, the word “grotesquerie” kept popping into my head. There are some seriously ugly (and/or downright scary) toys on that site!  

On the other hand… there are also a decent number that elicited feelings of squirmy intrigue, so I’m NOT going to tell BG to forget the dragon and get me a good Vitamix instead. I just need to be selective - and there’s a lot of whittling to be done. 

Because I have questions:

Do I prefer scales, veins, or knots? What color is most enticing? Who finds the neon fungus look appealing? Which firmness? Why does that head look like a fringed vagina? Can I handle this girth? Who on earth would voluntarily let that Scaly Dick of Evil into their body? What kind of fool would order an Extra-Large from this company? What’s the happy medium between tips so pointy they make my cervix wince and ones that look like vulval battering rams? Can I get a suction cup on that? Wait, HOW many inches in circumference does that say?!?

These are the things a girl needs to know! 

(BG only asks if I'm sure I don't want the next size up.)

So, I'll let you know when the big Dragon Decision has been made.

p.s. And to gg, who asked: of course there are venomous snakes in my area. 

           Somewhere. 

                Surely…?

Back To Bullet Points

Relieved to Be Done With:

An excessively busy July

Inordinately Proud Of:

Taming the new riding mower

Happy to Have Survived:

HellaHot, July 2019

(Days over 100ºF, night time low’s of 80ºF in a house with no a/c = plain ol’ stupid hot)

Glad To Be Done With:

$1,500 (and nearly as many novocaine shots) worth of dental work

Grateful For:

The ice cream place right across the street from the dentist

(“ahnuuhva choc’lit maaahwt, pweese”)

Making Magnificent Progress:

The on-going renovation

Reveling In:

Fresh tomatoes

Latest Taste Obsession:

Cold brew iced coffee made 1-1 with oat milk and a touch of maple syrup.

(seriously - you could have knocked me over with a feather when I liked this…)

Filing Under “I Don’t Understand Men”:

BG- “Shower right before I arrive - when we go out later, I want you to have JBF hair”

A Thing I Never Thought I’d Do:

Safewording out of multiple orgasms

Snippet - Director's Cut

He stuffed the flogger handle in my mouth (*just* like you see in the pictures.) 

Hot, it’s true, but remember that TMJ I've mentioned? Well, all too soon, I had to wiggle my jaw a little… and yes, the danged thing slipped. My hands were strung up about 2 ft. above my head, so they were unavailable to assist - yet I was determined not to lose hold completely. Through much prompt and judicious wiggling, I was able to snag the loop of the handle in my mouth, and keep it from dropping. 

Yay!

Victory! 

But a short-lived one...

He gently pulled the flogger away, gave me a few lovely little swats with it, and reinserted the handle between my teeth. 

“This time, do NOT drop it.”

Alrighty, then.

I nodded my understanding and resolutely set my recalcitrant jaw.

At which point, he pulled out not one but two vibrators and went to town.

Now, maybe you are good at screaming in ecstasy while keeping something firmly lodged between your teeth… I am not.

Out it slipped once more.

*crap!*

There was way too much involuntary thrashing about going on for me to finesse anything as delicate as grabbing the loop again, so I had to settle for clamping the handle between my shoulder and cheek. (à la phone receiver) 

Several long, wonderful minutes of “Talk to the Handle” later, I was limp and gasping. 

A hand stroked in, softening my muscles and retrieving the flogger.

“You let go”, tsk’d the voice behind me.

“I know… but I couldn’t hold it.”

“No… I knew you wouldn’t be able to.”  

“I did NOT drop it, tho’!”

Laughter rumbled against my back.

“No, you did not… Good girl.”

Dance Party!

Because it IS a holiday weekend, after all…

I know it’s nearly 5 minutes long and you may be thinking, “Who has time for that?” but I just fell in love with this compilation and had to share it. It’s got everyone - Fred Astaire, Shirley Temple, Gene Kelly, Anne Miller, Bob Fosse… even Groucho Marx!

I was particularly taken with the scene of James Cagney dancing down stairs. 

          Who knew James Cagney could dance?!? 

I was sad, however, that there wasn’t more Cyd Charisse. IMHO, she was far and away the best old movie female dancer (and holy heck, those legs!!!) but all she got in this piece was one paltry second of a fairly mundane turn. I'm going to have to spotlight Cyd another time…

But enough of my nitpicking... It's the weekend! 

Get out there and dance!  :-D

Snippet: Fantasy Math

Him: Ever had 2 guys at the same time?

Me: No

Him: Well, this will be like 3

Me: Ah. So I take that imaginary sensation and multiply it by 1.5?

Him: Exactly

Pronoun(ced) Confusion

Just before BG headed out the door the other night, he paused to stroke my breast soothingly.

"Poor thing - he had a rough night", he grinned.

I nodded… but I had to work hard to keep my face neutral and my eyebrow from shooting up.

My breast had indeed had a rough night, courtesy of that very hand… 

but, "he"?

My boobs are sometimes gender neutral..., 

       most often they're "the girls"…

but, "he"??

And of course, I understand that this was just one of things that comes out of your mouth wrong. The kind of simple lapse in mouth/brain communication that happens to us all.

But still…, "he"???

Maybe I should cup one of his testicles and coo, "she's so gorgeous"...?

       … ??

       … … ???

yeah, I didn't think so, either…  ;-D

The Unexpected Development

So…

the man who has never before shown any interest in orgasm control… 

     has decided I need to start edging.

My first assignment was to edge four times in the hour before he arrived.

Perhaps that is not much for the experienced amongst us.

     It about killed me.

Additionally, I also had to field texts from him during the process.

"how's it going?"

"bet you're getting frustrated, huh?"

"they seem to be taking less time, don't you think?"

"time to start again!"

Then I had to sit with all my jangling nerves pressed up against my new hitachi-clone...

     while giving him a blowjob.

"Oh, you're not allowed to come yet"

*GaaaaaAAAAaaaaaah!*

It's entirely possible that the words, "rat-bastard" may have run through my head...

An Unfinished Sentence

"When I arrive, I want the new toys already laid out on the table for my inspection"

The words, "And if I deem them to be good, I shall wield them with my mighty hand" went unspoken…, but apparently summarized the major component of his plan.

I think he broke all my lady parts.

    It was lovely. :-)

You Know That Thing?

The one where you're crumpled bonelessly in a spent, unmoving heap…

          and all they do is chortle?

Like they didn't have a thing to do with your current condition...

          and you are simply too amusing for words?

      Yeah.

      That thing.

I hate that thing.

Well ok, so maybe the boneless and spent part isn't that bad…

But that chortle has to go.

      I mean, really.

      How annoying.

      Just… stop.

And I'm going to tell him that…

      …just as soon as I can move again.

um... ok

So, the other night, he had me keep my glasses on…

          specifically so that he could come all over the lenses.

Doms are amused by the oddest things…

Holiday Heckling

(which is also holiday cheating -- not a lot of time for writing at the moment…)

Jz:  I was told, "I want you with your shoulders on the floor and your ass up"… which I took to mean face down, so I immediately tried every permutation of that imaginable. 

Only to be met by, "No... no... NO..."

SP: I don't understand what you were thinking.  

What that simple and reasonable request immediately evokes in image is the following:

lie on your back, and bring your legs up over your head, and lower your knees to the ground beside your head.

Jz:  Clearly, not that immediately...

SP: Really, here we see the reason for most of your twisting and spraining of body parts -- you don't know what is where or up from down. That makes it hard to walk, much less do anything more challenging.  Yet still you achieve it.

SP: most of the time, anyhow…

Snippet #76

me:  

Well, I told you the best thing about that glass dildo is the perfect strategic placement of those little bumps…

him: 

     I know you told me - but I wanted to see for myself…

     So I did...

     Repeatedly…

     Well past the point where you wanted to stop…

     Right into actual pain…

         

         That was FUN!

         

Ten to One - Day Nine

Day Nine: Two images that describe my life right now

Well, there's work...

and then there's play...

Overall, I think the picture is good!  :-D

Pleasing

We had an amazing visit the last time he was over -- really, the kind that leaves you not only smiling but feeling downright warm and fuzzy, right down to the cockles of your heart. It took me a while, however, to figure out what it was that had made everything that little bit more special. But I eventually got it...

It was the pleasing.

Subs always like to be pleasing, of course.

But most of the time, for us at least, what pleases him (outside of the eternally-mandatory blow job) is for me to give him unrestricted access to my body, to play with however he desires.

Now, do not misunderstand -- I'm totally down with that!

The Inner Slut adores that kind of use.

I find it incredibly erotic to be told exactly what to do to please him and to be lavishly praised for so doing. (Not to mention that it's incredibly fulfilling, as well.)

But the other night, what pleased him was to give me a short period of unrestricted access to play with his body…

   …and the Inner Sensualist had a Field Day. 

True, there's always plenty to revel in when being totally guided by him... the sensualist is never deprived -- but she's rarely off her leash, either. There's much to enjoy, but all of the pleasure takes place within a predetermined space.

So it's a marvelous thing to be given your head on occasion.

   To be told, "I want whatever you got!"

   To put a shit-eating grin on his face with your offering.

   To be allowed to affirm that you please, even when you're making it up as you go along.

It isn't the kind of interaction I want all the time -- I quickly miss the control. (And frankly, I don't think he can relinquish it for much more than a few minutes at a pop, anyhow!)

But, ooo, it can be really lovely, just every once in a while, to be allowed to please him by doing what I please…  :-D

Timing is Everything

My workday starts and ends early.

My second job has flexible hours.

I take no classes; exercise, scholastic, or artistic...

Any given evening is likely to find me at home.

There is almost nothing in my life that I can't shift to accommodate another opportunity.

A date to see the new Star Trek movie would be one of those very few immutable things, however.

Would you care to guess which one evening out of a 16-day period is the one night BG isn't booked with parental obligations? (If you said, "the one evening you're not available" give yourself a cookie.)

This had better be one hell of a movie, I tell you.

...

... ...

... ... ...

oh, who am I kidding? 

Together?

"rain check, sir!"

In Which I Sorta Crib from Ms. Constance

Because today, this is a gardening blog... 

Little change of pace, I know, but I achieved a milestone and I need to share... 

Despite my post-fracture tendency toward dizziness and vertigo in high pollen season (did I mention the levels have been near-historic this year? *See Jz wobble*) my back garden is finally tilled! 

I wasn't sure how I would pull that off in my current condition, but my buddy Q, who himself suffers from vertigo, offered the sage advice to "go slow, and pre-select a point of reference in case of emergency loss of horizon."

This, and a lot of cussing, got me through.

The earth, she is ready to receive!

So, the 116 seedlings I have carefully nurtured into existence are hardening off on the porch and today I played hooky from work to attend an Heirloom Species Plant Sale. 

New additions to Jardins de Jz are:

celosia

honeywort

statice

shasta daisy

butterfly flower

petunias

portulaca

red cosmos

snapdragons

flowering maple (the flower, not the tree)

viola

lantana

anise hyssop

pink sweetness dianthus

candy mountain foxglove

As well as a gajillion tomatoes, basil, swiss chard, and leaf lettuce.

And some annuals for the herb garden.

Oh, and a mystery flower. The little descriptive stick got lost along the way and I have no stinkin' idea what interesting heirloom that cell-pack holds. (Good thing I love surprises!)

I don't have as good a green thumb with edibles as with flowers, more's the pity. But I love fresh tomatoes, so I buy a ton of seedlings anyhow and simply hope that I get one decent fruit from each plant. ;-)

Plus, BG makes a killer pesto, so I make sure to get PLENTY of basil, too!

Let the planting begin!

I May Have Spoken Hastily

You know that, "this girl needs her hands on man" stuff…?

After injuries (not mine this time!) caused a significant gap in our regularly scheduled torture sessions, Mr. Ever-So-Hands-On returned last night.

Bound, guided, mangled, slapped, swatted, spanked -- all entirely by hand.

Really, really STRONG hand.

(remind me again what I was thinking??)

;-p

Necessary Components

SP has long insisted that not only do I do myself a disservice when I over-think but that I really mess up by doing that when trying to understand men and what they want.

"We are simple creatures. Give us a beer and get nekkid -- we're happy."

It had been a little longer than usual since I saw BG but our timing finally fell into place...

   "Tonight still good?"

   "absolutely! -- You want anything special?"

   "Water…

   Your naked body kneeling before me…

   Your wanton slut's mouth…

   … that'll do it …"

Apparently beer is optional...  ;-D

Tongue / Tied

I was informed that the theme for the evening was "Making It Difficult For You."

(ooooh, boy. Don't we all love to hear that?)

Yeah, OK, I'm being facetious. I actually do love to hear that, because this is one of his skills -- adding just enough challenge to please both of us without setting me up for major failure. So most of the time, it's really only code for, "This is gonna be fuuuun!"

By giving me about 6 inches less play on the rope around my wrists and pulling the end taut before he sat down on it, he managed to leave me with a considerably restricted range of motion. My arms were snug around his back, my face was pressed against his body, and I was firmly anchored, to boot. I had about one inch of bobble room and that was it. 

Not really ideal conditions for a stellar performance.

By rolling onto a shoulder and straining my neck, I was able to look up at him and quirk a questioning eyebrow… 

  (*I'm supposed to do this from here HOW exactly?*)

Reading my mind, he smirks,

"Oh well, your tongue is going to have to work just that much harder, I guess. Now, get to work..."

(you know, he never says that to me in regular life…)