One Last Question

From Bleue:

I stalk your blog roll often because you have some great picks on that sidebar. I would love to know what has caught your eye recently.

So top three posts from other bloggers that you've enjoyed in the last little while? Posts that have stayed with you or made you think? 

That’s an interesting question, chica. 

Bearing in mind that my interest is piqued in slightly different ways these days, here you go.

(In no particular order.)

Lee Harrington wrote a wonderful piece called “Respecting Those in The Shadow”, daring us all to open our eyes and share the love - to remember to appreciate the people who give willingly of their time and energy from the background, behind the glamour, outside of the limelight. 

This post stayed with me in part because he addresses a subject that aggravates the pants off of me, yet he found a way to say his piece in a way that encourages people to think, rather than the knee-jerk reactionary response that I tend to have, which simply puts people on the defensive. (Which never accomplishes a danged thing.)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There’s K8 at And All I Loved, whose “On Being a Happily Unsexy Penguin” rang so many bells I had to wait for the buzzing in my ears to die down before I could finish the post. 

I am nominating her as designated apologist for all of us who just don’t really quite get this whole “sexy” thing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Finally, in purely vanilla land, a post by Mike, the husband of Patricia Briggs, one of my favorite paranormal authors. Sadly, I can’t link directly to the actual post, so you have to go to the blog archives for 2016 and scroll to very last one to read this gem. 

I enjoy his posts at any time but the latter part of this one, called, “On a Completely Different Note” had me absolutely rolling on the floor. Finally, a man speaks out against penis pix! (And brilliantly so.)

The full piece is well worth reading but here’s the denouement for those who aren’t sure they want to brave the linking difficulties:

“…it would appear to my jaded eyes that the art of wooing has become grievously diminished in recent years… 

...Wooing is an art of skill and wit, and there is no human endeavor with higher stakes or greater rewards.

Imagine then, my surprise at finding that my would-be rivals, who ostensibly seek to win my fair bride's affections, have chosen tactics so ill-conceived that they invite mockery. Over the past several months, a number of men (I can scarcely call them gentlemen) have chosen to begin their overtures of affection not with prose or poem, but with photos of their rampant manhood. The message, as I read it, being "Hi. I'm a crass, inelegant, vulgar lout. Knowing myself utterly impoverished of wit or manners, I yet hope to impress you with this poorly-composed, badly-focused photo of my penis."

I am assured by women of my acquaintance that this crude practice has become a common means of courtship. To say I am appalled is an understatement. What lady would be flattered by such churlish blandishments? As an old fisherman once told me, "Your bait determines your catch. If you are fishing for a mermaid, son, don't use stink-bait; all you'll catch are bottom-feeders."

Gentlemen, in courtship, you are the bait. Elevate your game or vacate the playing field, your conduct is unseemly and counterproductive.”

(I may need to find out if Mike has a brother...)

Ya know...

If I could get this on a business card:

I would order in bulk.

I Must Really Be a Masochist…

…because I’m gonna do that stinkin’ A-Z Challenge again this April.

Lord only knows why, ‘cos I pretty much broke my brain with this sucker last year. 

After I finished it, I swore that I wouldn’t make this an annual event, that I would give myself at least a year off before I tried that again, don’cha know?

Yet here I am, a mere eleven months later, fully intending to put myself through that stress and mental anguish all over again. With some prep work already done, even!

Apparently that brain fracture went deeper than I realized.

(OR my masochism does…, but that’s a story for another lifetime…)

As usual, I won’t be doing a theme. (“Random” is, after all, my middle name.) Instead, I’ll be wending my way through the alphabet purely on whim, with no apparent rhyme or reason. 

(I write like I live.)

So, wish me luck.

Suggestions, good vibes, chocolate, and coffee all welcome.

(Oh, and come back to see how I do, ok?)

I'm doing WHAT again???

In Which Words Fail Me

I’m starting to think I’ve just plain lived too long:

Sperm. Selfies.

I…

*sigh*

nope.

I don't even know where to begin...

What'cha Readin' Wednesday?

Persuasion.

   Again.

       Because it’s just that good.

Persuasion is my favorite of Austen’s books… has been ever since I first read it years ago. (And you don’t even want to know how many times I’ve sighed along with Amanda Root as Ciarán Hinds gives her the cold shoulder. Pure magic, that movie…)

I suppose you could accuse me of liking it just because true love wins out, even after years of taking a beating… and I doubt I could mount a credible defense if you did. This story does appeal to the sappy inner optimist in me, for sure. 

But I also simply like Anne Elliott a great deal. She’s not spunky in the same way as Emma Woodhouse or Elizabeth Bennet - there’s not a lot of flippancy or sass - yet she surely has more than enough courage and determination for all of them put together. (OK, Elinor Dashwood is right up there, too, but I’m too distracted by my desire to smack Marianne to enjoy Sense and Sensibility as much as I do Persuasion.) There is just something about the way that Anne deals with life that appeals to me. She learns from her mistakes, has the patience of Job, and, while accommodating where she must, is also determined not to undervalue herself by acting against her own beliefs any further.

It’s a story of someone coming into her own - I think that’s the appeal for me.

Of course, this book is also rich in the gentle humor that underlies all of Austen’s works but here the mood feels mellower, with greater depth. Not to mention that it’s simply awash with great lines. (This woman has the art of penetrating insight down to a science, I tell you.)

Currently, I’m enjoying this gem:

But there are plenty of the non-mopey variety, too, I promise! ;-p

Maybe you have a favorite quote of your own?

*WHOOMP!* There It Is!

When you’re hurting, there’s always a shoe or two that you just know will be dropping. Maybe not right away, sometimes it even takes so long that you forget to brace yourself for impact, but you always, always, always take it on the noggin at some point. 

Well, I had my first falling shoe injury the other day.

You know that “particular, distinct, ringing alert tone“ that I assigned to “BG only” on my devices? Yeah. It’s not one of the more common ones you hear, so I’ve been lucky so far… but I knew my luck couldn’t hold… and it didn’t. 

There was maintenance being done in my office… by a man who was having an extensive text exchange with his boss. Care to guess what alert tone pierced the silence on a regular basis? (No, you don’t win any prizes for guessing correctly - I’m giving this one away!)

♪*ping!*♪ ♪*ping!*♪

♪*ping!*♪ ♪*ping!*♪

♪*ping!*♪ ♪*ping!*♪

Repeatedly.

Over the course of 45 minutes.

Forty-five Very Long minutes.

I lived, of course.

And it was probably a very helpful first step in inuring me to future pain, so that part’s good.

But I’ll admit to a few minutes of very real distress.

Until the absurdity-loving portion my brain decided to kick in and tossed me this lifeline…, 

which gave me both the giggles and a very real earworm with which to battle the pings.

So, naturally, I’m gonna share it with you! :-D  (you’re welcome!)

I Feel Better About My Car

knowing it even happens to the Enterprise…

On a Dime

It was a grumpy day all ‘round. 

The end of a long week, the time change, people fed up with the weather… 

So we were grousing over lunch… a nice, cozy group grouse.

One woman complained, “… and I got no sleep last night at all. First a big branch broke off a tree outside and woke us both us - and of course, we had to get up and go see what the noise was - then a mouse got into something and I had to listen to that for ages…!”

~murmurs of sympathy all around~

“oh, that’s the worst.”

“Soooo annoying!”

One curious soul wondered aloud, “What do you think he was chewing on?”

“Oh, probably my husband’s nuts…”

*blink, blink*

Several carefully blank faces turned toward her.

A tentative, “Would you, perhaps, care to rephrase that? Or, at least, explain...?”

And just like that, the Mood of the Day turned to laughter and silliness.

(with perhaps the slightest touch of bawdy, but I’d never tell on my friends!)

In Which I Clear the Bar, After All...

There I was, composing an update for a friend (you know, “my life and how things are going…”) when I realized I’d just expended an exorbitant number of words on the subject of my “Try To Make The Doctor Happy” project. 

(translation: I held forth on the subject of dieting… *sigh*)

For a moment, I was thoroughly chagrined.

How dull, how mundane… how boring! 

    Who would possibly want to read that, Jz?!? 

Then I considered the fact that my friend had dedicated an entire paragraph of her missive to the purchase of kitty litter…

     and suddenly, I felt a lot better. ;-p

Spock Sunday #2

This one’s for Tom…

GB Asks, "Why BDSM?"

A fair question, GB.

Altho’ I’m tempted to quibble a bit over the wording, as this way makes it sound as though BDSM was a deliberate decision, picked at random from among many options. That simply isn’t the case. Instead, it was a realization of preferences - and the only decision involved was whether to act upon those preferences or ignore them.

The decision itself never seemed that big of a deal to me - but the realization was certainly unexpected. Unpleasant tropes abound around BDSM and many of them do not illustrate the kind of person most of us want to believe ourselves to be. So if you can’t see past the stereotypes, moving forward would be a difficult (if not downright frightening) decision to make - but if you consider your reasons as individual components, going BDSM feels a lot less outrageous.

So, even if there was no struggle, I did have to think about it a little bit first. 

(Raise your hand if you’re surprised by that…)

Here’s how it boils down for me.

1- First, there’s the physical component: 

 “A pulpy novel I read long ago offered, "Your body doesn't know right or wrong, it just knows what it likes." Something to remember.” 

My body likes intense sensation. Soft touches, while pleasant and relaxing, are not arousing for me. Not all of my parts are particularly sensitive, so I require a firmer, rougher touch to spark desire. Plus, I’m not overly involved with my body - I’m far too busy skipping around in my mind to notice much that’s going on, really. (Which, yes, men hate.) So, to be able to bring me fully into the sensory “here and now” calls for means that really get my attention. 

Intense sensation does that. Ratcheting up the input, pushing it farther and farther, both pleases my body and makes me interested in staying attentive within it. Keep that momentum going, increase that sensation right over the edge into pain, and you’ve pushed me into that heady space where I just want to growl in pleasure. (And maybe tussle…)

In the heat of battle, that progression of sensation is what feeds my arousal.

There are limits, of course. Past a certain point, pain for pain’s sake is no longer arousing - but that’s when submission takes over for me… Pain itself may no longer be erotic but that place where it has brought me? The sweet, melting heat of knowing you’re giving your dominant something he wants and needs, something that no one else gives…? That is a HUGE turn on. 

2- Which brings us to the partner component:

It’s not so much that I want “a” dominant, it’s more that I want to find someone who is able to dominate me (and then have a relationship with him!) This one may be tricky to unpick, tho', so bear with me.

My submission does not express itself as a deep-seated need to serve…

        what I like is to be challenged.

However, I don’t find it easy to meet people who can challenge me. That’s not meant in any braggish kind of way, it’s simply that people are different and not everyone delights in the kind of push/pull interactions that let me identify when someone is capable of..., not necessarily winning, exactly, but of staying with me - of not falling behind, of keeping me on my toes.

Without that ability to challenge, sadly, I’m, well…, sort of bored.

Which doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy people, but it does mean I won’t be intrigued enough to pursue a relationship into the realm of something more meaningful if that facet is lacking. After all, if I did, I would have to keep myself on my toes - and where’s the fun in that? But if you can challenge me, I can relax with you. (Contradictory tho’ that may seem at first glance.)

In and of itself, the ability to challenge me doesn’t make someone a dominant, of course. But there haven’t been a lot of men in my life who could achieve that… yet every one of the few who managed it has been some manner of dominant. And if you have successfully demonstrated that you can challenge me, that ignites something inside me that wants to prove that I’m worthy of being challenged. (Which, in return, seems to be rewarding to dominants. So, win/win!)

The distinction is that I’m not looking for someone who can make me do what they want, but that I'm hoping to find someone capable of eliciting in me the desire to do as they want. I want to respond to his challenges, both for his sake and mine.

Because he has tapped into the part of me that wants to please him because I can. 

Because he wants me to. 

Because interacting like that makes us each, somehow, more.

One last component we can’t overlook:

The simple fact is that I’ve always liked sex better when it’s spiced with a hint of the forbidden. 

I don’t disagree with the view of sex as something healthy and natural, but that wholesome, “oh yes, let’s fuck, that is very nice indeed” viewpoint is not a turn-on for me, either. 

I don’t think sex itself is naughty, but I like my sex to be a bit naughty - to push into the “edgy” realms.

So, basically, GB…?

It's less of a decision than it might appear. :-)

Any more questions?

Bueller…? Bueller…?

In Which I Fail at Pointy-Headedness

I’ve been sitting on this image, waiting for the ideal time to present it to you all.

rawr!, huh?

That moment never seemed to arrive, however.

Then Bookman emailed me. He's looking for his next "pleasure read" and wanted to ask:

"Have you read Norwich’s 3-volume history of Byzantium? I just saw the one-volume abridgement, and I was wondering if I should snag it or save up for the full set. Any opinion?"

After much blinking of the eyes and composing of the face, I carefully replied, explaining that Norwich’s opus came along after the time when I indulged my enthusiasm for Byzantine history, so, no… I had not read it.

Unable to stop myself, however, I then went on to wonder if a 3-volume history of an empire that endured for over a thousand years might not contain more details than can be fully taken in during the course of one reading - and suggested that one might reasonably ask oneself, “How much of this do I really need to know?”

He conceded, “Point taken, I suppose. It’s just that he’s such a good writer!”

And I thought of this image... 

        but now I'm seeing it in a whole 'nother light!

In Which I Answer Cat

Who may have asked in jest but whose question gave me the opportunity to use this gem:

Most of These
(Which is a step up from the "All" of a couple of months ago...!)

(thank you for this, gg)

And thank you for the question, Cat!

A New Thing

I am a complete and unapologetic Trekkie. In fact, (little known fact about me) there is still a full-length poster of Spock on the back of my childhood bedroom door.

Well, I went down a rabbit hole a while back and got completely lost in the world of Spock memes. Where I enjoyed myself so much, in fact, that I have decided that ARB will now feature one every weekend. (At least for a while.)

So, dear readers, I present:

          Spock Sunday - The Inaugural Post

(I had to start with this - it had me laughing until I cried.)

Nope... Not Yet.

So… Somebody flirted with me the other day.

It was a guy I’ve kidded around with casually for years - but he’s been upping the ante the last few times I’ve seen him. He’s very nice, considerate, attractive, age-appropriate… 

All in all, I could do worse. So in an attempt to prod myself into moving forward, I took a moment to seriously contemplate developing a crush on him … and almost burst into tears. (Or vomited - it was kind of a toss-up between the two…)

Now, that’s certainly not an unusual reaction when you’re recently de-coupled. While the wounds are still fresh, you never want to think of anyone else touching you… Ever Again. (Or at least, I don’t. YMMV on this.) But even more than giving me that particular sucker punch to the heart, my momentary fantasy also provided a jarring reminder of exactly what I’m facing in life after my first D/s relationship.

I mean, you always think, “oh I’ll never find another guy” (altho’ so far I've managed it) but, man, have I complicated that likelihood by adding “submissive” to my list of “on-offers”!

Because it’s no longer just, “Find a guy you like, hope he likes you…, then hope you like his dick.” (‘Cause, sorry guys!, that’s not as much as a given as you may assume it to be.)

Nor is it even, “Find a guy you like, hope he likes you, hope he likes BDSM…, then hope you like his dick.” - because there are about 86 million different permutations of BDSM to worry about. 

Instead, I’ve ended up in a position more like, “Find a guy you like, hope he likes you, hope he likes BDSM, hope you can trust him, hope he’s someone you can open up to, hope he likes Weenie Girls, hope you can respect him as a Dom, hope the naughty things you each like align, hope he wants to balance BDSM and vanilla, … then … hope you like his dick.”

Now, considering the fact that I generally stall out at, “Find a guy you like”, (much less getting past,“hope he likes you")... I am feeling seriously challenged at the moment.

Plus, truthfully, I’m wondering if I even want to worry about all that anymore, anyhow. Not that I’m swearing off kink, per se… but I’m not sure I know how to find my trust again, so I’m not sure that kink has a place on my wish list, either - altho’ I also can’t imagine a fulfilling relationship without it, so that’s kind of problematic…

And all that trust and opening up stuff?
Way down the road right now. 

Way down. 

Waaaaaay way down…

Oh...! And have I mentioned the dread engendered by doing all this while now pushing 60 and hitting the nadir of my physical attractiveness?

I think I need to just swear off the whole crushing / flirting thing.

(Or at least the crushing — the flirting may be beyond my control…)

And Speaking of Questions

March is Question and Answer Month here in Blogland.

It's true that you guys don’t really strike me as the kind of readers who are just bustin’ at the seams to line up and ask me questions - but if anyone’s got one to lob out there, please do so. I’d appreciate some food for thought!

(Just, please, don’t use this one, ‘k? It brings me to my knees every time.)