It Only Lacked Clown Shoes...

I'm going to shock you here: 

I am not one of those mellow, laid-back type of people. I rarely rattle from outrageous words (please… I have learned from the best, she says, waving to SP) but I do fluster nicely if you give me a deadline and apply pressure.

So naturally, he loves to over-book my dance card and then watch me spin...

They weren't a particularly complex set of directions.

Not initially…

"One hour - I want you naked, kneeling on your pillow, vibrator in place."

But then came the five-minute updates...

"meal plated up, beer opened, and washcloth set out"

… …  … …

"right before I get there, put the o-rings on your nipples"

… …  … …

"plugged"

… …  … …

"heat turned up"

… …  … …

"and edge three times before I get there"

Shit!!

That was one thing too many. 

I was now officially… In A Tizz.

Because two (well, four, actually) of those things are of unpredictable timing -- 

and I was down to 30 minutes.

I prioritized as best I could, running back and forth between upstairs and downstairs to get everything done. And I wasn't doing too badly… until I tried to put on the o-rings. 

I made the mistake of attempting to use the little nipple baster while standing up, which made a slight, but very important, difference to the kind of maneuver needed to slide off the ring. A difference that took far too many precious minutes to master. Things were popping and flying off right, left, and center; I was crawling around on the floor, cursing, as I searched beneath furniture for the runaway rings;… it was just ugly. 

Worse, I had chosen to wait until after I got the rings on before I tackled the final edging. (bad decision) I quickly flopped back onto my bed and started on that last task, but by that point, I was completely wound up and in entirely the wrong head space for that to go smoothly, either. I struggled, to say the least.

Just as I was finally (finally!) approaching the final goal… I heard him come in the house. 

Five. Minutes. Early.

        and I'm upstairs...

!!CRAP!!

I flew down the stairs, shucking my robe as I went, and yelling apologies.

I dropped the robe to the floor, hit the button on the microwave, whipped the beer out of the fridge, opened it, and slid to a halt in front of him, proffering the cold bottle.

He was chuckling to himself, even while giving me that patented dom "look".

He said nothing, however, just took off his coat and sat down while I got the food and placed it on the table in front of him. I dropped to my knees on the pillow, raised my face for a kiss, then lowered my head to get to work.

"Did you forget the vibrator?"

*f-f-f-f-F-F-F…!!!!* 

"I knew I'd missed something, sir!"

I scrambled off my pillow and scurried into the next room.

("It needed charging, sir.")

Dashing back, I dropped back to the pillow, hastily wedging the vibrator firmly beneath me.

By now, he is outright laughing at me.

"I'm not doing very well tonight, am I, sir?"

"No, you're not. Not at All."

     But he was grinning as he gave me one more kiss.

"Now get busy…"

Oh, well. I may suck at following directions but at least I know I amuse…

Currently...

I saw this meme over at one of my favorite food blogs and it just seemed like the thing to do!

Time and place: Before 10:00 am on a Saturday,  in my living room

Cooking: Cinnamon-sugar baked oatmeal, with a veggie soup making planned for after that. Then some skillet Tuscan Chicken… and a vegan birthday cake later. 

Awaiting: The season's first big snow storm. We've gotten to nearly the end of January without snow, so I'm not going to complain… (can you see it coming?)  however… I just wish the numbers of expected accumulation didn't keep going up so much. Six inches is no big whoop. A foot and a half, however… My back is aching in anticipation of tomorrow.

But it'll be pretty!

Experiencing: Annoyance at my dysfunctional washing machine. I've had to replace too many big ticket items in my world over the last six months to be able to afford to replace it, so I'm letting it limp along and simply accommodate its end-of-life eccentricities. But it's wearing on my nerves at the moment!

Working on: A new 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle. I got a nice one for Christmas and I think First Snow 2016 is the perfect time to break it out.

Reading: "Dear Mr. You" by Mary-Louise Parker. It's a kind of memoir, written in short letters to the various men in her life, both real and imagined. (Imagined, not imaginary. Like "Dear Future Man Who Will Date My Daughter"  and "Dear NASA") It's funny and interesting - I like it so well, I don't even mind that I paid full price!  :-D

Listening: A Latin guitar playlist - Luis Villegas, Willie and Lobo, Armik, the list goes on. I'll probably switch to mellow piano later, when the snow is really coming down but for now, I'm trying to inspire myself to get in a walk before it turns to more than just flurries...

Craving: Chocolate croissants. I'm sure the veggie soup will be ever so tasty, but I doubt it's going to make me as happy as a chocolate croissant would...

Hating: My bill pile. Pretty broke at the moment…

Loving: The gorgeous, warm, hand-knit afghan that I received for Christmas. (Knitters take pity on me!)

Anticipating: An upcoming book-buying orgy! There's a HUGE sale at the very best bookstore in the world and I Am Going!  I always spend far too much money during this, but with paperbacks under a dollar, what's a girl supposed to do?? (Plus, I have gift cards, so it's not even going to cost me anything!!!)

Very Happy Girl Soon!

Watching: Billy Connolly's "Route 66". 

Armchair travel, quirky sights, humor, and an attractive man with a Scottish accent.

All in the comfort of my own home! (Very Happy Girl Now!)

Avoiding: Sewing slipcovers. We've passed the one year anniversary of my avoidance and are making great headway toward hitting the two-year mark...

Hibernation

Pretty darned quiet around here, isn't it?

I'm not really sure why… the dom and I are fine, I'm in a good mood, there are no health challenges like, say, concussions or vertigo to still my pen…

I'm just… quiet.

The Hibernating Hedgehog

I think it's an extension of my January hibernation mode.

I simply don't feel like doing jack shit when I'm home. 

I read, I do puzzles, I watch DVDs - that's it.

Oh, yeah. I eat, too. 

(Anyone else follow the January diet of "Eat Up All the Holiday Goodies To Get Them Out of the Way For When You Start Counting Calories - Which Will Be Any Day Now, Really"?)

     Anyone?

         Bueller? Bueller?

(Whaddya mean, "throw 'em out"? And waste perfectly good goodies?!? Heck to the no!)

Anyhow…

That's about the extent of my ambition these days. 

My brain is thinking about posts… but for later. February Fragments, how I might elicit questions for March Q&A, words for an April A-Z challenge…

But the whole sitting down and typing thing?

    *phhhffffttttt!*

I wave my hand dismissively…

(oh, look! That puts it over the bowl of holiday M&Ms…!)

Be Back in a While!

Only From a Dom

would you get a present that requires homework…

I didn't mention the gift he got me, did I?

Partially that's because it hadn't arrived before I left for Christmas… and partially, if I'm honest, because I'm not entirely sure how I feel about it. 

This is definitely a case of, "honey, I got you a present I'm really going to enjoy!"

See, altho' he is more than happy with the robustness of my boobs overall, my nipples are, shall we say, a bit on the delicate side… not to mention somewhat evasive. (Downright slippery little devils?) They're small, don't clip easily, and even when they do, odds are about 50/50 that at some point during the proceedings, they will slip their bonds. 

And while I can't help but admire their Houdini-like skillz, that trait can be irksome, to say the least. So he's hoping to make them a bit more, um… "sturdy." (This, by the way, explains much about his persistence on the whole piercing issue. I thought he was pushing for a look, but no…, he just wants a good handle!)

So "we" get to work on enhancement...

Initially, when he revealed his plan and told me what I was getting, I had to stifle a groan. I had this awful vision of some elaborate hucow device arriving on my doorstep and I really wan't too happy about the idea. (just say no)

Once again, however, She of Little Faith was proved wrong. (Note to self: you really need to start trusting this man a bit more…) Because what arrived was effective yet subtle… essentially the tiniest of basters. You put a little ring around the end, suction the flesh up, roll the ring down, then remove the tube. 

    Bam. Done.

No fuss, no muss, no milking machines.

In fact, it's really just a booster for getting an elastic band onto a recalcitrant nipple.

    Which I am to do for 15 minutes a day, every single day.

(Without fail… and periodically with pictures.)

But that's okay. 

It's not objectification, it's just tit torture - with a goal.

And that I can handle. 

Sort of…

Eventually…

I hope.

If I don't fall victim to the laws of physics first. 

See, I can quite happily get those little suckers on there… but removing the tube means breaking the suction… and did I also include skittish in my list of nippular adjectives? The suction breaks, the flesh snaps into retreat, and the plastic parts make a break for it. On my first attempt, in fact, the ring flew so far that I actually thought it was lost for good. It was several hours before I finally unearthed that puppy, cowering beneath the discarded tissues in a wastebasket several feet from where I'd lain…

*sigh*

This could be a very looooong couple of months…

(I have a bad feeling I may be getting my first "F" ever, here…)

In Which I Kill A Conversation

I was bent over a finicky installation, chatting with my coworkers but focused on my task.

One of them complained that they'd stayed up longer than they'd meant to the night before, watching the game. The other one had gotten caught up in Real Housewives.

Absently, I pitched in, "Yeah, I got hooked into a show last night, too -- a documentary about these paleo-archaeologists who were spelunking this deep cave in order to dig up the bones of what might be a new species of hominid... I couldn't go to bed until I knew the outcome!"

And the room fell into complete silence...

*dammit!*

I hate when I do that.

TGIF (really)

I hate the first week back after vacation...   *blergh*