Believe

December 31st and the holiday season is winding down...

We celebrated by getting out there and being nice to strangers. (You DID all do that, right?!?) Now let's direct that stream of kindness toward ourselves.

My New Year's wish for all of us is to Believe.
Believe that there's a light at the end of the tunnel.
Believe that things do work out in time.
Believe in ourselves.

(And in Mike Rowe showing up on my doorstep, flowers in hand...)

Happy 2010, Everyone!

ISO Knight Errant

Even when you know there is nothing personal about a a particular post, sometimes it's hard to keep them from getting to you. Not long ago, I ended up having to talk myself out of the beginning of a wallow when a perfectly well-meaning person put together back-to-back posts that praised women for precisely some feminine characteristic that I lack.

Now, a single voice is manageable. You say to yourself, "well, this is just one man's opinion" and take that one differing viewpoint easily in stride. But when the whole frickin' Greek chorus chimes in on the side of that which you lack, it can be the death-knell for your confidence. It doesn't matter that your head knows better. These 4 to 10 men have become a perfect microcosm of All Men Everywhere and YOU have just flunked The Attractiveness Test. You are mortified and certain that people have been laughing behind your back for years.

Is this ridiculous? Yes.
Do most of us recognize it as common female behavior? (nod, nod, nod)

When it comes to our appearance, women are much quicker to believe the judgments of total strangers than the evidence of our own eyes or opinions of our loved ones. The good news is that we have identified this quirk and begun to address the issue.
In the meantime, however, I think a little assistance might be called for...

A long time ago, I heard the story of a bunch of sailors who were invited to a night of drinking in the officer's club of a foreign port. They gathered together before the fun began and drew straws. The poor schmuck who got the short straw had to spend his evening as The Designated Apologizer. While his buddies got to laugh, carouse, and bullshit the night away, he spent his time going around behind them saying, "I'm Sorry! ...  I'm Sorry!"

I think perhaps we need something similar in the blogosphere. I believe there is a place for someone who spends his time reading blogs and, whenever he identifies an unchecked groundswell of support for one feminine characteristic over another, rushes to chime in with some sort of mitigating statement. ("But gorgeous is gorgeous, no matter what the size." - something of that ilk.) Just to keep the playing field even.

The qualifications needn't be stringent. Our hero could be someone who genuinely likes all women, or he could be someone who simply enjoys playing devil's advocate. It really wouldn't matter as long as he defends the underdog du jour.

It could be fun, too! This paragon of justice could have a cool nickname like "The Equalizer" and walk around in a trench coat, channeling Edward Woodward (complete with yummy accent) while balancing the odds for womankind. It's actually the ultimate male fantasy job. Action-hero, spy, and knight in shining armor all in one!

Surely we'd have some takers out there!?
Email me. We'll talk...

The N00b's Letter to Santa

Dear Santa,

I hope this finds you well.
Can you believe another year has gone by? Thank you for all the presents you left last Christmas. They were very nice.
Since then, Santa, I have been a remarkably good girl, considering that it's me we're talking about here. So for Christmas this year, could I please have:

    Holiday Greetings from my lurkers!

    That's all.
    (Well, maybe a long piece of rope...
    OK, toss in a couple more clothespins.)
   
That will about do it for me, Santa. 
But while you're out, could you also drop off:

    more time for BG
    a new job for gg
    a writing contract for spirited
    a positive resolution for mouse and Omega
    (did I mention more time for BG?)
    and much happiness to all my other friends, both virtual and real.

Please?
   
I hope you get lots of cookies and milk tonight, and that Mrs. Claus and the elves and Rudolph and all the of the other reindeer are OK.

Love from your friend,
 Jz

Merry Christmas to All! And to all...

Hence the word "dynamic"

Another whirlpool of thought...

I was considering Sir J's comment about the difficulties of controlling control. I thought it was a terrific post, a cogent argument for the need to keep a relationship fluid. But there was something there that niggled away at me and it's taken me a few days to identify what it was. Apparently, it's a cautionary note about human nature.

Sir J. points out that control "needs to be free to flow." Maybe we could extend that statement farther, to include submission, respect, and trust, as well. All are key elements to a successful D/s relationship, none of which are static. They need to be monitored and adjusted on an ongoing basis to keep a relationship healthy. But do we always remember to do this?

This strikes me because I've lately been mulling over the human tendency to take the easy way out. People naturally tend to slip into a state of complacency as they get comfortable and revert to expending the least possible amount of effort. We get sloppy. What is easy becomes more convenient than what is right.

This tendency is by no means limited to any one aspect of life. You see it at work, in school, in your own life and all around you. But my caveat focuses within the context of TTWD.

Sir J mentions "a relentless Domination" that is "barely enjoyed before the next level is demanded." And then points out that while this has a place, it must be balanced by a giving back.

I think this is one of the biggest concerns for a lot of submissives when we first begin. (And I suspect, every time you enter a new relationship, even if you've been at this for years.) It is not so much that we fear surrendering control as it is that we worry what will happen to that control once he (mutatis mutandis) has had it a while. Will it become relentless and ungiving? Or worse, unthinking?

Done well, control elevates the submissive beautifully. Done poorly, it can strip self-respect. That's harmful, not enhancing. So what will happen to his control and my submission if that sense of complacency sets in? Will we be strong enough to keep submission from slipping into abasement? (And by abasement, I do not mean any aspect of play, but simply a loss of respect - both for self and the other.)

The answer to our worry lies in trust. But like control (and submission and respect,) trust is not a "Get Out Of Jail Free" card. You can't relax once it is in hand. You are (both) still responsible for upholding the terms under which it was first given. You may change the parameters - these are all fluid elements, after all. But stick to your deal. And don't become complacent. That rarely enhances anything.

A Holiday Challenge

A friend and I were talking the other day and during the course of some sputtering she said, "What is so hard about giving a compliment??"

Good question. Compliments cost nothing, are no skin off your nose, and make someone's life a little bit nicer. They're one of the few genuine win/win situations. Yet we're often stingy with them.

In my friend's case, the subject of the sputtering was her husband. She's feeling unnoticed and was making the valid point that it doesn't take much to let someone know that, "I still see you and am glad you're here." 

So I think, in honor of the season, we get on the side of the angels.
Let's all say something nice to someone.

But, while compliments from friends are lovely, it's often the unexpected ones from passersby that can really make you smile. (They have no reason to be nice to you so they must really mean it!)

So let's up the ante -- Everyone, step outside your comfort zone!

If someone is wearing a nice shirt, flattering dress, great shoes, pretty color nail polish, or even a damn fine tie (*grins* Hi, MC!,) whatever, if it strikes your eye, tell them, even if you don't know them from a hole in the wall. 

C'mon, I dare you!

Accost a total stranger and tell them you like their scarf.

Know someone you don't care for but think has a terrific new haircut? Tell them. (The very worst that could happen is that they'll wonder what you're up to!)

A simple, sincere compliment can only make someone feel good.
It's easy. Smile, look them in the eye, and mean what you say. That's all it takes.
(Oh, and if someone compliments you, smile back and say "thank you" - piece o' cake!)


"And good will toward me-e-e-en" she carols.

Never Trust a Fortune Cookie

"Your mentality is alert, practical, and analytical"
That still doesn't mean I want to be called "pragmatic" by my boyfriend...

"You are not a person who is easily ignored"
Except by a man going undergoing a personal crisis.

"You are gifted in many ways"
And challenged in so many others...

"Go take a rest you deserve it"
Unless of course it will keep you from getting to your second job in a timely fashion.

"A carrot a day may keep cancer away"
Or you could end up with a suppurating sore where the liquid nitrogen has destroyed all cellular life.

"You have a friendly heart and are well admired"
Except by those in whom you engender hate and discontent.

"Your love of life will carry you through any circumstance"
Even if it kills you.

"A thrilling time is in your immediate future"
Does realizing you're a thousand short two days before taxes are due count as "thrilling"?

Journal Musings 14- Endorphins

******************************************
"He used her body, and his, relentlessly. When she complained she couldn't take any more, he showed her she could.
Always, always, he pushed her to the edge, kept her hanging, made her wait, demanding she control her body, until at last, he allowed her release.
She did everything he demanded of her. Any position, any time, any part of her body."
******************************************
a while back...

Oh. My. Word.

Remember I mentioned once earlier being itchy from dis-use? Well, welcome to the the flip side!
It had been a bad week and I was feeling pretty "m'eh." Certainly not consciously itchy. After all, I'd seen BG about a week and a half ago and done some pretty serious screaming. But he called yesterday morning. "This is your warning. Are you ready to play?"
Yes, sir.

My clothes were in a pile in the back entry, where he shucked them from me during our hello kiss. The bra stayed on for maybe another 30 seconds before it was yanked up and the torturing began. My breasts were bound and my hands tied, all while I was lavishing attention on my favorite cock. Then I was led to the door, where he used both his belt and his hands to spank me. (I may make friends with Mr. Belt, yet.) Oh, and there was a lot of biting. God, that man has a perfect mouth! He kisses like a fiend and knows just how to bite. Hard but with no untoward puncture marks.
He took the rope and led me upstairs, (*happy sigh*) tied my hands to the end of the bed, and proceeded to fuck me silly from behind. Yum. Tied up, spanked, and well-fucked. In one of my favorite positions, no less. See the girl smile.

And, holy cow but did I feel terrific for the rest of the day! Relaxed and blissed out, I had a silly grin on my face all afternoon and evening. The rope marks on my wrists didn't fade until after supper and every time I spotted them, I'd go all sort of gooey inside thinking about how they'd gotten there.
I"ve always felt good afterwards before but this was something past that. Probably just surfing the hormone wave but who cares? This rocks!

I woke up still wearing that sappy smile and felt my breasts, thinking, "Mmm, he got it juuuust right." I am certainly sore but we seem to have found the line just before the whole cracked and seeping nipple thing. Which is good. My breasts ached all day and my well-paddled bottom never let me forget it was there. There's photographic chronicling in my future, I think - the bruising is already quite impressive. Any time I felt a twinge, tho', I thought of BG and how they those aches came to be. And just goopy-smiled some more.

(Although after feeling so pleased about how we'd hit the right balance between pain and injury, I paid for my hubris later. About halfway through my bath, I suddenly realized that my nipples were on FIRE!  Between the soap and the heat of the water, the poor li'l things were burning like crazy. I was almost at work before things finally settled down to a dull roar. But this is NOT a complaint...)

I Go Shopping...

The things that can happen while you're innocently Christmas shopping...

Hmmm... While I'm online, I should look for a new plug.
*click!*
Why, look! They're having a sale!
Oooo, pretty purple beads on these clamps. Dangly and dainty and sharper than kitten's teeth!
*click!*
Hehe, look at this costume. All slits, very little fabric. Unlimited access. Very silly. HOW much?!? Damn, at that price...
*click!*
Free shipping if I spend just eight dollars more. Heck, you can never have too much lube...
*click!*

You'd think I'd never bought toys before!
(oh, wait. I only got my first a few months ago.)
Remember that submissive frenzy? This would be n00bish frenzy.
Of the retail variety.

Oh, well. 'Tis the season...

An Unexpected Consequence

Before last Christmas, my most recent growth spurt had consisted of learning how to live with no one around as a safety net. So when I began this next stage of my journey, I knew it could prove interesting to see how I responded to giving up control. To go from learning to stand tall on my own to practicing submission promised to be a challenge.

What I found though, is that knowing I can be independent frees me from the imperative to fight for control. There's less fear that I may be weak because I have already shown myself that I'm strong. Maybe I couldn't have gone down this road before learning this, I don't know. However it happened, I'm glad that I'm able to feel fairly comfortable pursuing something that can be so difficult to accept about yourself.

Granted, my efforts are undoubtedly made easier by the fact that BG and I prefer to keep the D/s more situational. We are not 24/7. By mutual agreement, he is Sir, not Master; I am the slut, not the slave. Our power exchange is more a series of renewable leases. I hand over the keys when he comes through the door, he hands them back when he leaves. It works for us.

Which is why I was surprised when I discovered that some of the control I've given to him has decided to stay where it is. I didn't realize that was even an option! But unbeknownst to me, a defection occurred. Specifically, by my libido. Not that I ever had strong control over it, I grant you, but there was a connection, a certain boolean flow between my mind and my desire. (And, Or, NOT!) No longer, however. That particular function has totally abjured any sense of allegiance to me and gone right over to the BG camp. If he says anything (even "hey there",) it's All Systems Go. Me? I can talk until I'm blue in the face - nada. zilch. nichevo.

This hasn't happened by design. BG is not an orgasm-control freak. He may tease me to distraction while we're together but he's not into denial, nor have there been any rules set out about, er, toy-usage when he's not around. So there is no real reason why life cannot carry on the way it always has before. But it doesn't. He's become a necessary element. With him around, I am a wriggling puppy. Without him, nothing wants to come out and play.

It seems my body has become a partisan.
Strangely, I don't seem to mind...  :-)