Just One Woman's Opinion

Call me overly picky if you will, YouTube, but…

I can’t say I agree that walking around with 7 rolls of toilet paper in your hair 

is going to make anyone look "brilliant”.

"Danged foolish" feels much more apt.

I know. I have SUCH a limited imagination…

TBT - Profile I'll Never Post

This Throwback Thursday brought to you courtesy of Pygar, who brought up the subject of FetLife profiles and sent me straight back to October 2011!

Seven years later, I still don’t have a FetLife profile (and expect I never will) but if I did, this would still be pretty darned accurate. ;-D 

FetLife Fail

I was sent a screenshot of a FetLife profile... quite the piece of writing, I must say. Purportedly by a slavegirl who's into 24/7, it details how she craves hard and extreme use, and wants to please her master with the whole of her body - and all of her holes -- and lists a number of the seemingly unlimited acts she'd be willing to perform. (Including being "a bowl of cum [for my] Master.")

Now, there were definite clues that this profile was spurious but even so, I found myself thinking, "It's people like you who spoil it for the rest of us...!" 

Because I could just imagine my profile in comparison...

"Situational sub willing to occasionally serve a Dominant. No longer a n00b but not quite "experienced" either, I'm stubborn and lippy and prone to telling you exactly what I think of that idea you just proposed. Fairly weenie-ish, I enjoy bondage and some degree of pain play but if you attempt to objectify or humiliate me, I will most likely bite something dear to you.” 

“Our power exchange would range from total at times to completely non-existent at others. 

My wishes are to make my Dom happy as long as that doesn't entail making myself miserable in the process."

"I am educated, sometimes charming, occasionally amusing, but most often sarcastic.

I enjoy being guided and controlled.

I will be happy to proffer my whole body for your use.

Please do not expect me to clean your ears with my tongue."

Not really at the cum-bowl level, is it...?

*sigh*

;-p

The Reactions of Others

So here we are at round…, what? I've lost count.

I’m skipping the details - you don’t need them and they’re not all mine to share, anyhow.

Suffice it to say that there was something going on when BG & I broke up, he’d just put off telling me until it was too late and everything had turned into a big hairball. So I never got the scoop until a month ago. Once we got the past straightened out, we started to discuss the possibility of salvaging the relationship.

Idiotic tho' it may sound, after a month of negotiation and internal debate, I've decided to give it a shot. I missed him too badly, right up to the day he called, to not. The situation is still far from perfect, yet with eyes wide open, I'm choosing to pursue an imperfect “with him” rather than one without. Although we are moving forward, however, it’s still in the probationary period, so I’m going to wait and see if it actually takes before I start sharing stories. 

Yet I know that without details or stories, it can be tough to get a feel for situations so, in the hope of reassuring you all that I haven’t completely lost every last one of my marbles, let me offer up the responses of those who know me best:

SP, whose first concern was that I “be careful with [my]self” has grilled me to within an inch of my life during the entire negotiation stage… and is now satisfied that I am going into this with the proper attitude of “getting what I want - from BG and from life.” He has begun to actively urge me forward and is now eagerly anticipating prurient details. (Because that’s how he rolls.)

BookMan (who knows about the dynamic) just smacked his head and said, “Oh, man! There is NOTHING more frustrating that someone doing something that makes you angry - except they do it for such a principled reason that you can’t be angry.”  We talked through my thoughts and, while I wouldn’t use the words "urging me forward" to describe his stance, he has expressed understanding and support... and absolutely no desire whatsoever to hear prurient details. 

Thelma (who also knows) was a slightly tougher nut. Our friendship only revived after the latest split, so she never heard any stories of the good times. All she knows is that he hurt me and that her friends shouldn't be with people who do that. “I don’t like him”, she declared emphatically - and then peppered me with questions about his behavior. Disgruntled by my answers, she was reduced to pursing her lips, staring off into the middle distance, and muttering, “I don’t want to like him…”

The discussion ended with her saying that she understood why I was moving ahead and that it was probably a good decision for right now… but that her new Mission in Life has become to find me a replacement hot, available 60-year old man. (And then mumbled under her breath as she walked away, “Altho’ just where I’m supposed to find one of those…”)

It was Tiny Woman (who does not know) who was the big surprise, however. She’s a lot more pragmatic than I am, much more of a “over and done with, dust your hands off, and move on” kind of gal. So you could have knocked me over with a feather when her initial response to, “Here’s how things stand…” was, “Wow. That’s a tough one. I don’t know what I’d decide either, I really don’t…”

All of which left me feeling wonderfully supported.
Altho’ I will admit to a good 2-3 minutes of struggling to control my face when Tiny Woman insisted, “You make him toe the line!”   {*oh yeah, that’ll work*}
I got around the difficulty with a little judicious rephrasing, however. “That’s a bit controlling… How about we say I will continue to be firm about what I need…?”
Compromise accepted. :-)

So now we wait and see...  

Face Off

I can’t say that I’m a big social media person. Facebook, Twitter, Linkedin, Pinterest... none of them really talk to me. In fact, I pretty much find the overall content of all of them to be roughly on a par with reality TV. (i.e., Just Plain Stoopid.) 

(Oh, I’m sorry… Is my judgement showing?)

OK then, let’s just say that Facebook is really not my thing.

(There - isn’t that politely neutral?)

I seem to be the odd man out, however..., which I suppose I can understand. 

When Facebook powers are used for good, there is a lot of fun to be had there.

Or so I’m told.

I can’t really say that watching Thelma's friends spend four hours posting pictures of their feet instead of talking to the person (me!) sitting next to them really convinced me of that fact…

But I’m probably just being snooty.

Yeah.

That’s probably it…

         …

            … …

               … … …

    *cough!*

Sorry. Something caught in my throat…

In Which I Can't Sit Still

It is not easy to be "slut sous la table" when you can't kneel or sit on the floor -- when sprained body parts reduce you to perching on the world's smallest stool and doing the Quasimodo hunch in order to even *sort of* fit beneath said table. 

And even then, with a foot unable to bend or take too much pressure, there is no way to maintain a stationary position … you simply have to keep shifting around.

The sad fact is, I was the world's squirmiest slut that night -- not at all ideal.

He knew I was doing my best, tho', so squirms, fidgets, and long pauses were allowed, an accommodation which let us successfully overcome the challenges the position presented. 

I figured out how to bobble without using my foot for leverage (mini-pushups off the chair rungs, should you be wondering;) he resolved the difficulty of finding sufficient space in which to whack my push-upping-arm-shielded boobs (I can't even begin to describe the particular contortion required so I won't try -- but it worked;) and I managed to NOT knee him in the groin whenever I shifted foot plants. (<< I am particularly proud of myself for that one, can I just mention? … and touched by his faith in me as well, as I think about it…)

We weren't going to win any prizes for elegant appearance, that's for sure.

But we certainly came out the winners in the Teamwork for Success category!

The Unconvincing PSA

I've always known his kinks run a lot deeper than mine… but he's a patient man. 

He wants me willing and eager, so he’s quite conscious of the pace at which he leads me. He watches me carefully, gauges my responses, and moves us ahead accordingly. 

It’s all very well-considered and deliberate, no "kid in a candy store" approach for him.

Rather, he keeps his eye on the prize and works steadily toward it.

However…

Having said that, he’s not the kind of man to look a gift horse in the mouth, either. 

Even the smallest indication of interest is noted and evaluated.

So…

Remember that night of viewing porn?

Well, apparently my video of choice caused a green light to go off in the dominant head. 

Ladies and gentlemen, The Sadist Has Entered The Candy Store.

And holy cow, has it been a wild ride! 

Not that we had never indulged in tit-slapping before - we had... but talk about your "kicking things up a notch"! We have definitely taken things to a whole new level since that night. 

In fact, I kind of feel like I’m living my own personal version of "The Scarlet Pimpernel"… 

“He slaps them here, he slaps them there, that sadist slaps them everywhere…”

So, I originally intended this to be a cautionary tale about sharing fantasies… 

But truth to tell, I think I'm grinning too idiotically to carry it off convincingly!

Maybe I'll just recommend a good movie, instead. ;-p

Richard E. Grant, my favorite Pimpernel

The Perils of Being Busy

For all that I'm long-winded and verbose, I'm also a big fan of non-verbal communication. 

In real life, I rely on facial expressions, hand gestures, and silly noises for my verbal substitutes. In cyber-space, pictures and quotations serve as my shorthand of choice.

I suspect August is going to turn into Shorthand Month.

Consider yourself warned...

and feel free to respond with silly noises of your own!  :-)

A Brief Pictorial Excuse

People whose brains are mired inside this:

Cannot be expected to produce this:

I seem to have hacked all my good ideas right out of my body...

Along with my lungs.

Please hold while I attempt to regenerate them. 

(lungs first)

:-)

Yet, Some Warnings Might Not Go Amiss...

SP, on some of the more absurd sexual tropes that the internet has spawned...

"While there are many positives to the fact that sexually explicit material is so readily available, I have to shrug and laugh at the ridiculous expectations that material can provoke in both men and women. … *I* am at an age where I can see it's ridiculous, and so am able to shrug and laugh. Young people at the beginning of their sexual life, however, may get thrown by that shit... 

I think maybe some porn should come with an equivalent to the "professional driver on a closed course" warning..."

(Comme ça?)

Lurking in the Lacuna

Once upon a time, I took a class in Marxist Postmodern Feminist Literary Criticism (*gesundheit!*) in which we were painfully and painstakingly led through the murky waters of Lacan, Derrida, Kristeva, and Cixous - only to be brought triumphantly to a conclusion that anyone who'd ever studied the politics of the Soviet Union was already fully aware of:

  The unspoken is often even more important than the spoken.

It's human nature to overlook the inconvenient. We talk around it and hope our rhetorical skills will keep others from noticing the gaps in our arguments. Yet in reality, the things we marginalize are often the biggest threats to our complacency. By circumventing any discussion about the threat, we're really doing nothing more than pretending that if we ignore it, it will go away.

That's certainly a valid technique for the short term.

Long term, however, it's gonna bite you in the butt. And I know that. 

But for now, my goal is short term endurance, because much is still unresolved. 

So I'm going to continue on -- but ignore the elephant in the room. 

For the moment at least, this blog will feature fluff and silliness and mundane matters only.

Sex and submission will be left to lurk quietly in the lacuna.

This may not be what you come here to read, and if you need to leave, I'll understand. 

But it's what I need to do for now - as I hope you'll understand.

I'd Like One in Every Color, Please

Srsly...

Feeding Time

Sometimes when we play, he'll tease, "I'll bet your pussy is on fire..."

Which is always accurate at that point, of course.

But not the part that's driving me mad right then, however.

No, in these situations, the overwhelming sensation is located even deeper.

Because most of the time, what I'm feeling is hunger.

Deep, ravenous, gut-wrenching HUNGER.

Hunger to be fed.

Hunger to be appeased.

Hunger to be satiated.

Fortunately, he's good with gluttony...
(not to mention highly responsive!)

Amendment #3

Dear Unforthcoming Ones,

It is unarguably true that "It's The Thought That Counts"...

But in order to collect your points for having that thought?

It is necessary to share that it has ever crossed your mind.

Otherwise, no cookie.

(just sayin'...)   

Those Who Inspire

My "cousin" lil (we're confident there's a hidden family connection) nominated me for a Very Inspiring Blogger award -- and said nice things about me in the process. Thank you, sunshine!

There are, of course, Official Rules.
   1. Display the award logo on your blog.
   2. Link back to the person who nominated you.
   
   3. State 7 things about yourself.
   
   4. Nominate 15 other bloggers and link to them.
   
   5. Notify those bloggers of the nomination and requirements.

I shall, of course, bend these rules to suit...

Seven Things About Me:

1. I love snow.
     I get very grumpy in snowless winters.

2. I am toxic to orchids.
     I think these are among the most stunning flowers a person will ever see.
     And I can kill them within an hour - dead, right there in the car.

3. If I sing "Ring of Fire" when I have a cold, I sound just like Johnny Cash.

4. I firmly believe that SP is my soulmate.

5. I don't mind going commando but you will rarely catch me braless...

6. I do NOT suffer from completion compulsion
     and have the piles of unblocked needlepoint to prove it.

7. I own a copy of Samuel Johnson's Dictionary of the English Language
     (and read it, for fun!)


Now, you know I don't like doing the nominating thing and I usually end up saying something along the lines of, "if you're in my blogroll, know I think you're inspiring." Largely because I don't like to be seen as playing favorites but also, most of the people in my blogroll get nominated from other sources anyhow, and how many times can a person come up with seven unique things to write?

However, the number asked for is 15 - and I have exactly that number in my blogroll! And it really is pleasant to read someone saying something nice about oneself... So, this time, I'm going to officially nominate everyone in my blogroll - and tell you why. But if it's a repeat nomination for anyone, don't feel compelled to play by The Rules -- just smile and think, "ooo, she likes me!"
(And, like lil, this post will be my only notification.)

So without further ado, in alphabetical order (articles expunged)

        Aisha
I always enjoy reading the introspective, spiritual connections that aisha can bring to her thoughts on living this dynamic. (Plus, she's fun to shoulder bump, even if I am so much taller, I'm afraid I'll take her head off if I get too enthusiastic.)

        blood, sex, crimson
He doesn't post much or often, but I'm blown away by the way this man uses words.

        A Dauntless Journey
I like DV's take on D/s and he's always ready to try and help us understand the workings beneath the surface.

        DiscoveringAlice
Alice is a quiet little gem, determinedly feeling her way through her search for The Right Dominant. And she punctuates her musings with some truly kickin' tunes! :-)

        The Edge of Vanilla
Tom, Tom, Tom... I just love Tom.
This is a man who can think and express himself, who isn't caught up in his own hype, who appreciates women in every conceivable shape and size, and who writes the most amazing limericks I've ever had the pleasure of reading.

        Jumping On In
sfp is open and honest and funny and free-form. I just love her voice and stories -- and will frequently haunt her link just to check if she's posted something new (cuz the feed reader seems to delay on her posts quite often...)

        A Kind Dom
Pygar has been a bit busy lately but he's a thoughtful, caring kind of Dom who is genuinely interested in opening discussions that make us all think a bit harder about this stuff we do here.

        Leather Cuffs & Silken Bonds
Another voice I really enjoy reading, Jake (with occasional guest appearances by Joy) chronicles their progress at incorporating D/s into their marriage, from successes to the occasional stubbed toes. An enjoyable slice of real life D/s.

        Mick and Lynda's Place
Like Jake and Joy, this is the story of a good marriage working to become even more solid. I love how Mick clearly adores his Lynda, even through all the bits he isn't sure he understands...

        The Monkeys Journey
I always look forward to riding the rollercoaster with Monkey as she shares her hopes, dreams and disappointments with unflinching honesty. She's truly genuine, and I like that.

        The Pleasure Principle
Not just your average wild woman, Hedone grabs for the gusto in life ... and then tells us all about it. 
I luffs her.

        The Power Exchange
mouse and Omega live a different lifestyle than I could ever handle but oh, does mouse make us see the beauty of it! She doesn't ignore the potholes either, but you never lose sight of the how much these two mean to each other.

        Submissive Guide
This was one of the sites I scoured daily when I was first exploring the concept of submission. lunaKM creates a comfortable forum where the n00b can ask questions, and the experienced can find resources for furthering their submission.

        Submissive Sanctuary
What can I say about cousin lil? I always watch for new posts from her. lil is happy to share her ups, downs, joys, disappointments, and deep thoughts ... just about everything except her coffee, in fact.
(But I'll bet if we brought muffins, she'd let us have a cup!)

        whatiwonder
I kind of hate that gg's blog shows up at the bottom of the alphabetical list, cuz she is certainly NOT at the bottom of any other list! Thoughtful and insightful, gg keeps me thinking - and shames me with her tact and understanding. I luffs her, too.

Interventionist Wanted:

To accompany whimsy-loving pain-slut on shopping expeditions and assist in realistic evaluation of impulse purchases.

(it seemed like a good idea at the time...)

We Interrupt Our Regularly Scheduled Posting...

... to bring you this special musical interlude.
I just discovered that this is on YouTube and I had to share it.
It's one of my all-time favorite songs, one I first heard long before she gained fame as a songwriter.


Cheryl used to show up regularly at the local pub, and we would drop everything to be sure we got there early to get good seats.
Nowadays, most people are familiar with her work from hearing it sung by other people. Well, I may be biased but I've never heard anyone perform her music better than she does.

Friends, I give you Cheryl Wheeler.
One Frickin' Talented Lady

The Bitching will resume as usual in our next post...

Birthday Candle

I was on my knees before him but I was neither bound nor being directed. The pace was mine to set and what I wanted was slooooow. The focus was pleasure, not release.

I slid the swollen flesh into my mouth for a long, languid glide to the back of my throat. Pulling off with a slight *pop*, I worked my way around the outside, suctioning up the wide ridge, caressing the soft tip with my tongue, before finally pulling it back between my lips again.

He bent forward, hands sliding down my back in a long caress that ended at my rump, palms smoothing and stroking. I braced myself for the sting of a slap, but it never came. Instead, he pulled back up, hands reversing themselves until they could slide around to cup my breasts. As the caresses began, my head found the rhythm of his hands and matched it, stroke for stroke, lick for squeeze.

He took my hand and guided it down until I could feel my own softness.
"There. That too."

Our movements synchronized further.
Hands, hips, mouth, breath...
All quickened in unison.
Energy spiraled between us, giving, receiving, moving from one to another and back again.

"And I'm not even being rough with you," he growled.
His hands clenched once, HARD.
"But oh, I want to be...!"
My breath caught in anticipation but his grip softened and, slowly, his hands took up our rhythm once more.

It couldn't last.
The heat was too high, the pace too inexorable.
But we drew it out, let it consume us while the flames roared, before slowly dwindling ... and finally flickering out.

A power exchange is a living thing, vibrant and unpredictable.
Sometimes, the dom needs control and obedience.
But sometimes the exchange wraps back in on itself.
Sometimes, he'll just love you.

What a Difference An Adjective Makes

Yes, that time is upon us again.

So, quickly, before I am effectually muzzled for a week by GLSEN,
(And no, they will NOT accept bribes to extend the event...!)
I'm going to touch on That Word once more.

"Bitch"
We know I don't like this word.
As an endearment? I find it mind-boggling.

I know it's semantics.
I know he means something other than what I hear.
But that doesn't matter. I still continue to struggle with being a bitch.

Except that the other day,
I was called, "my delicious, wanton, delightful little bitch"

Strangely, I don't feel at ALL reluctant to be that!

Never doubt it -  the word you choose makes a difference.

******************************************
SP: I like calling you a slut, it makes you very polite
Jz: ja, schat

My Prayer is Answered?

BG was sympathetic over my suction cup injury.
("Yeowch!")
But somehow, I knew...

Breakfast and a quickie this morning:

*ping!*
Him: On my way
me: yay!

*ping!*
Him: Naked and in your robe
me: got it



*ping!*
Him: Rope
me: roger



*ping!*
Him: Nipple toys
me: new, hot pink, blister-raising ones?
Him: Yep
me: *sighs deeply and types*
        "k"

But please give me points for faith and trust.

I did not say, "You aren't really going to ... ? Are you ...?"
I did NOT, at any point, ask if he'd lost his tiny little mind.
I didn't even flinch when he picked them both up and rolled them in his palm, watching my face.

I just looked calmly in his eyes.
(and prayed really, reeeely hard)

"Let's see the damage ..."
"Ow. That still looks sore. We'll skip it on this one."
(oh, thank you, Lord!)

"Thank you, Sir."
"I'll just put this one on here ..."
(Really - thank you, Lord!)

"... and then twist everything else twice as hard to make up for that one being missing ..."

| pause |

"Thank you, Sir"
That man has a VERY evil grin...

Christmas Wish 2010

I say this a lot but it's worth repeating ...

    ... in yourself.
    ... in others.
    ... in love.
    ... in magic.

Much happiness, patience, wisdom, and love to all.

Merry Christmas, Everyone!