ummmm...

OK, so you already know that SP has told me I have a lot of Dorothy Parker in me.
As well as Bette Davis.

Well, the other day, he added Bette Midler...
    ...and Amelia Bedelia.

... ... ...

I'm...
still thinking about that one...

(Altho' I do have the hat!)

The Bone They Just Won't Drop

BG (yet again): "I want these pierced someday..." (*fondle, SKWEEZ, fondle, TWi-i-i-i-ST*)

Jz to BG (email): "Look, here's a mock-up. Do you really think this looks good enough to be worth six months of nipple-play abstinence while they heal??"
BG: "yes"

Jz to SP: "He's started the piercing campaign again. Except NOW he says that "when" I decide to get pierced, I should get them both done at the same time (as in, two people piercing in tandem.) so that I can't chicken out. Apparently, he knows someone who backed out after the first because it hurt so much. That didn't really encourage me, can I just say...?"

SP: "You can say all you want, as long as you go ahead with it.
Of course, that is just a male opinion and in the end you do hold the controlling interest, so if you think differently, sweety, I can pretend that is a valid opinion. But now, please be quiet for a moment, because I am completely distracted by the thought that two men are needed simultaneously to wrangle your girlflesh..."

(Must... Control... Twitching... Hand...)

The Good, The Bad, The Bracketed

I was thinking about lil's "blueprint" post the other day.
In it, she describes the proposition that we each carry personal blueprints of how we perceive ourselves, blueprints formed by our life's experiences. She then goes on to speak beautifully of how submission lets her transcend her own perception of who she is and become nothing but "His".

I love this idea.
Sadly, my blueprint seems to be fairly intransigent.
(SO hard to believe, given the creator!)

But truly, I can't seem to budge my head out of it -- and worse, I can't seem to allow other people to hold other opinions about me, either.
(Apparently, my blueprint is a dictator...)

I find this understandable in one sense. None of us like to be thought poorly of by anyone else. So if you think I'm worse than what I think, it makes sense that I get ticked, right?

However...
If you think I'm better than I think I am...?
Holy cow, I do not handle that pressure well.
I squirm, I sputter, I push you away -- verbally, physically, both if I can manage it.
In fact, you can practically see my inner crustacean extruding a defensive exoskeleton, like some sort of mutated super hero. One minute Jz is there, the next, it's... Gigunda Crab!
(And good luck trying to talk to me at that point, btw.)

Then, of course, there are also the aspects that we know are true -- and accept (grudgingly) -- but that we don't like. We're just plain touchy about them. So we, or at least I, simply ignore them. I bracket them on my blueprint, tucked away on the addenda page in back. (Because no one ever reads the fine print, right? They'll never notice 'em there!)
Except, since they're still obvious and true despite my best efforts, people don't realize that these traits are aspects non grata and they... Mention Them! (*gasps from the crowd*)
ummmm, yeah...
"Embarrassed" doesn't always translate into graceful behavior either, shall we just say.

So I have three different sets of time bombs buried in that blueprint, just waiting to be set off.
And poor BG stumbled upon each and every single one of them the other night ... meaning that I ended up battling "Ticked", "Embarrassed", and "The Amazing Retreating Slut" nearly all at once.

I'll admit, it took me by surprise. I knew there were sensitivities there but I don't usually get them all triggered in such a short span of time, so I didn't realize just how strong they are as a team.

On the plus side, I kept my responses in check. He knew he'd touched a sore spot, I couldn't help that, but the most he actually got was a flashing eye and some mumbling toward my feet when I dropped my head. (Actually quite an achievement, considering the turmoil within.)
But, boy howdy, was it a wake-up call.
I have a long way to go before I begin Transcending to Become His...

TMI Tuesday

You Wear It Well

1. What is your most favourite thing to wear that you have in your closet at the moment?
     A very long, flowy, boho cotton skirt in swirls of reds, cream, and bronze.

2. What is the one item of clothing that you have seen on someone that you would steal for yourself if you had the chance?
     A butter-soft, detail-free, streamlined, black leather jacket.

3. What is the one thing that your partner wears that never fails to turn you on. Why does it turn you on so much?
     His Levis and a starched button-down shirt.
     He looks hot, plus I know it's coming off soon!

4. What is the one thing you wear when you want to attract the attention of your partner?
     This usually works...

6. If you had unlimited funds but could only shop for one type of clothing (shoes, lingerie, fetish etc) what would it be?
     I would have a really hard time deciding between shoes and slutty lingerie.
(Cuz if I had unlimited funds, I wouldn't need to worry that I didn't have a thing for work, right?)

Check out the other TMI'ers here.