Journal Musings 3

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I Meet The Door

"Might you be interested in experiencing restraint?"
"I might"
"Might?"
"Just echoing your words. Yes, I want to."

Gad! I've been waiting nearly 3 years for this! Yes, I'm willing! Yes, Yes, YES!!!

They say there's a tendency for a new sub to fall like a ripe peach into the hands of the first dom who comes along. I honestly don't think that's what's going on here. I'd passed up other chances because the man just wasn't right. But I'm afraid BG may have wondered about me at first, because I did do a bit of the peach thing with him. How could I not, though?

That first time in restraints was absolutely mind-blowing. First off, there was a really sensually charged atmosphere. Between the music and the dim light and how close he stood, what I could hear and feel, what I couldn't see and couldn't touch, I almost drowned in the sensations. The bites and clothespins and spankings were amazing The belt, maybe not quite so much so. But he eased up just as I was about to squeak,"yellow!", so there was no reason not to take it. I don't expect to love all of what he does to me, after all. Particularly not at first. And I didn't exactly dislike it. I just didn't get the same rush out of it as I did all the rest. Like when he pulled the clothespins off my nipples with his mouth. I wouldn't have thought I could get any wetter than I already was, but that little trick sure proved me wrong! Even just being led upstairs by my hands, naked and bound, hurting and happy was incredibly erotic.
And even while being dominant, he's not afraid to laugh or tease.
Hot and sweet. I'm very lucky!

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Scholarly_Professor: I think it is very very cool and shows the woman you are, that you decided that it had your interest and that you found a way to go ahead with it. Very strong."

"If at the one moment in your life when the chance of something transcendental is offered to you, if you have this chance to move beyond the surface of things, to understand--and you say, No, maybe not, it's just a bore to my friends. What then? How do you explain the rest of your life to yourself? How do you pass the time until you die?" - Sebastian Faulk
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What's in a name?

This week's n00bish wondering concerns naming conventions in BDSM.

As you can see in the headers of this blog, I'm not entirely comfortable with some of the accepted terminology of d/s. Yes, I wrote d/s, not D/s. Because that is today's question.

When I first started looking into BDSM, I was a little startled by all the Masters and Sirs that populated webpages. Hmmm. OK, every sub-culture has it's own quirks and I can see the reason behind this one. Then I realized that they were "Master" and "Sir" even when the use wasn't nomnative. Ooooookay... it's symbolic, I'll go along with it.
It was when I encountered the use of the term "W/we" that I thought, "I must pause now" (as I flash-backed to the day of "wymyn".)

To me, "W/we" is overly-careful and I have to wonder what it stems from. The dom's dictate? The sub's desire to please? A fear of being thought less "real" because you used conventional punctuation? A true attempt to convey the disparate nature of your oneness?
(Hopefully no one hears any snark in that. They're genuine questions. I'm truly curious as to how and why these spellings became commonly accepted. )

I read a great comment by a dom - which I have to paraphrase because I can't find the original. What he said was roughly, "She doesn't need to call me Master or Sir. She gives me her submission beautifully and I'm perfectly happy for her to use my name." (Interestingly, he was in his mid-20's. I'll skip the generational argument - but it's there.)

I would never deny the importance of symbols and the unsaid. I get the point of the capitals. I even applaud the desire to draw our attention to the additional meanings that can lurk inside a word. Similar to David's "too much parsing of roles and characteristics" however, I wonder if we aren't overly caught up in a sort of political correctness that hampers unneccesarily.

So my question is, if you use the conventions, what drives you to do so? The mere fact that is IS a convention, or something deeper?

(For those who might wonder, I do call BG "Sir" when he requires it. He also likes me to use his name. In writing, I use his name, not his title. And I will admit that usually I capitalize "Dom" for no other reason than it seems one should -but I always have to remind myself to do it.)

Helpful Relaxation Hints

Busy Guy has been on a horrific schedule lately.
We're in touch but he hasn't been able to get over for a few weeks now. He's starting to think maybe body parts are going to explode if we don't manage this soon.
So I sent him a nice, soothing email today, reminding him of the calming effects of a good book...

Aren't I a considerate girl?!?
(where's the emoticon for batting eyelashes?)

Journal Musings 2

“My hopes are not always realized, but I always hope.” -Ovid
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Finding the Dom

OK. I know I want to experience submission.
Well, I'm going to need a Dom. Which could be problematic. Because I'm not simply looking for a Dom. I want a guy I can like and respect and trust, who intrigues me and challenges me and who respects me, as well.
I need someone that I can submit to without feeling diminished.
Where to meet this paragon? Online? The local Doms R Us? Unlikely.

So I had pretty much resigned myself to the fact that, much tho' I wanted this, it was unlikely to actually happen, unless the Scholarly Professor touched down in the area. (Which did happen later but since that visit marked the end of 2 1/2 years of post-breakup virginity, the emphasis was more on, "Fuck me NOW!" than on finding the scarves. We did work in some spanking but it was more of a tease than anything else. Then he flew back across the Continental Divide, leaving me to think, "Man, I wish he'd hit harder...")

The issue was back-burnered. If it happened, fine. If not, it wasn't meant to be.

And then came Busy Guy. From the very first email, I liked him. I liked how he wrote, I liked the questions he asked. We chatted and I was even more interested. This was more of a meeting of minds than I'd had for a very, very long time. I was already feeling good about it when we had one of those funny, "two minds" moments and he asked if I liked restraint. Serendipity or just manna from heaven? Whatever, I was stunned and giddy. (I actually sent SP an email headed, "Squealing like a little girl!" that said, "I found me a dom! All by my little self and without even trying!")

Meeting BG was another unexpected surprise. Usually, I take a while to warm up to someone. But BG brings out my Inner Trollop.
Sex (potentially delightful, hot, kinky sex, at that!) was factored into the equation very early on. So our first meeting was basically: "Hello, so nice to meet you. Oh, good, you bite when you kiss. And, look, here's your cock! Oh, you want that? OK!"
A bit ridiculous, in one way. But it felt right.

(And where, btw, did this sudden, rapturous enthusiasm for giving head come from?? I've disliked and avoided it for nearly 30 years. But now, it's like he's my favorite lollipop. I love it! Good heavens. *fans self*)

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Scholarly_Professor: you still owe me (your words not mine) the blow job of my life
Jz: did I say that?
Scholarly_Professor: yes ma'am
Jz: when did I say that?
Jz: can I do that?
Scholarly_Professor: a few years back
Jz: wow. wasn't I being cocky?
Jz: as it were
Scholarly_Professor: claiming amnesia will not do anything for you in this court of unlawliness
Jz: got it, sir!
Jz: it's still pretty presumptuous of me, tho'
Jz: to assume that I could outblow all those others
Scholarly_Professor: why?
Scholarly_Professor: and why not?
Jz: for it to be THE blow job of your life
Jz: that's reaching pretty high
Scholarly_Professor: well you are a tall girl

The N00b Wonders

Pygar raised the issue of a sub "being lent to a stranger" last month. It was a lively topic, with a lot of interesting opinions put forth.

Most comments centered around the viewpoint of the sub or her Dom. What we did not hear much about, however, was how the Dom chosen to share *with* might view the initial proposition. Yes, this situation did happen to Pygar and his post documented his concerns over the sub's comfort and willingness. But he was the only one to touch on that side of the issue. And even then, we came in to the story after he'd agreed to participate. We aren't told what prompted his decision.

This comes to mind because there have been a few discussions going in the last two or three weeks centering around people who feel they are the sub or Dom of only one. (Sorry, Sir J, for paraphrasing. But it fits so well...)

I find myself curious as to how the Recipient Dom, shall we call him, might feel upon being approached. We know not every sub is appealing to every Dom and vice versa. (And yes, I know the "vice versa" is sticky ground so let's bracket that part of the question, may we?) I cannot help but wonder how you handle a question like that? What goes through your mind? What factors play into the decision?
Do you need to know the sub first? Or is the thought of being a part of such deep submission sufficient unto itself?

Obviously, there's no right or wrong answer here. I'm just curious.
Anyone have any insight for me?

My Grave Tactical Error

BG said last night that he was going to try to see me either today or tomorrow. Kewl! But because he is BG, statistically, there's only about a 25% chance of it actually happening.

To the beach again this morning. After months and months of rain and chilly temps, the weather has finally caught up to the calendar and I'm going to take advantage of it, by gum! The sun was hot, the water was cold, and the breeze was just perfect. I found a good spot and the body surfing was exhilarating. A perfect day. *aaaahhhh*
I stayed for over two and a half hours.

My first clues came on the ride home. The sun on my arm was reeeaally hot. The sand in my suit felt unusually abrasive. Uh-oh. I check the mirror at home. Yep, I'm burned. Fearfully, I check my butt.
Crap. Half lily-white, half boiled-lobster-red.

Which I figure pretty much guarantees that BG will indeed show up later and with spanking on his mind. Not only that, I'm also fairly confident that I won't be shown a whole lot of sympathy.

oooooo, this is gonna hurt.......

Journal Musings 1

This reads better all in one shot but I doubt that format would work online. You guys would slide to the floor in a stupor and I'd incur an Extreme Verbiage surcharge from Blogger. So we'll just do it in installments, shall we?
Now, you enjoy while I go relax at the beach before my birthday dinner! -Jez

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"Yet before we can surrender ourselves we must become ourselves. For no one can give up what he does not possess." -- Thomas Merton
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How I Got Here

Actually, I blame SP. Twenty-eight years of bad influence! ;-)

First, he showed the young me that I wasn't dreaming when I'd imagined all that sex could be. Blazingly hot, incredibly playful, astonishingly open, with very, very few boundaries. And a whole lot of laughter and caring tossed in. We set the bar pretty high but I can't see that as a bad thing. (Later beaux may disagree but we wave our hand dismissively at them... {g})

Then a few years ago, he advised, "You have to figure out what you want, then you'll be able to find it." Specious though that felt, he did have a point. (dammit.) So I started trying to quantify. Something had always been missing. What exactly was it?

Several months later, he delivered the coup de grace as we were reminiscing about past lovers. "See? You like to sub, I like to dom." I started to protest but couldn't, as realization crashed down on my head.
Shit. He's right.
A whole lot of pieces dropped into place.

But I was still a little resistant even if this did hit a nerve. I dug deeper.
OK, self, think of the best lovers you ever had. Now, what did they have in common?
Ooooohhhhhhh... Is THAT what that was?
Oh. I guess I do like it!

Not that we'd gone for full-out BDSM play, in either case. But there were elements and those are the memories that still make me go tingly. SP, in fact, never made any secret of his interest in spanking and bondage, he just never called it D/s, per se, and naive idiot-girl here never connected those particular dots.

Submission, huh? OK, This is a little scary and a little off-putting. But a lot compelling. Time to think.

I read a lot, thought a lot, and asked SP lots of questions. It's a bit tricky to decide on something that's basically unknown. You want to be sure that you're not mixing up fantasy and reality, so you need to try to be as scrupulously honest with yourself as possible.

Still, however, after many long, hard thinks, I decided that yes, I really want to try submission and see if it fits the way I think it will.

So, now what?

Reality Check

I was in the DMV today and a guy basically dropped dead.
No pulse, not breathing.
They defib'd three times and resuscitated but it didn't look hopeful as he was wheeled out the door.

Go hug someone, people!

A Cheer and a Rant

I had to put this down to think for a while. Entering the blogosphere is a daunting task. There are many wonderful writers out there, with a lot of insightful commentary, who manage to express my thoughts far more cogently than I can. Resulting in the same feeling as I once noted in my RL blog, "I am not worthy. I'll just eat some cheese and leave..."
But still. Everyone wants to say their piece, don't they? So, here I go --

David wrote a piece on Authenticity over at his blog last week and made a comment that had me standing up to cheer. -- "At some point we get into too much parsing of roles and characteristics." Huzzah!!

Many people seem to promote the view that there is One True Submission. And will proceed to instruct you on the definition. Horse-hockey, I say! No one's truth is more important than another's when it comes to these issues. Just as every person is unique, so is every relationship and dynamic. What works for me may not work for you. Heck, what worked for me last month may not this month! It's a process, not a Platonic form.

My irritation with this mindset goes back to a chat with an online dom who set my teeth on edge almost immediately with his sweeping dismissal of anything less than total and complete, 24/7, lifestyle D/s. - "PLEASE do not confuse the "play" of BDSM with genuine D/s!"
Well, I'm sorry, but if you live any kind of alternate lifestyle, should you not have learned tolerance, if only by virtue of your own search for acceptance? If lifestyle is what you and your partner want, more power to you. If my guy prefers a different way for us to complement each other, then who are you to say that something that works for us is wrong? MOST aggrevating! (And by the way, stop telling me what term I'm allowed to use for which behavior. It's all grey. Get over it.)

So David, thank you for being a voice of reason. If I ever get to Vegas, I'm going to hug every guy with your name that I find lurking near the brussel sprouts. ;-p