He and I had a conversation the other night that got me thinking…
and now I'm making myself crazy with running in circles.
It's a ridiculous little thing, but…
I've mentioned before that I really dislike being called "beautiful", right?
"Beauty" is a construct of perfection -- and I am far from perfect. So it's a false compliment.
Not that I don't enjoy compliments, but pick one that rings true, ok?
I want you to appreciate me for who I am, not what I look like.
(Or what you think I might want to look like.)
Another dating blunder that I find maddening is the tendency to assume that a couple of dates makes a couple. I've hardly made it to the point where I can recall your face but you're planning next summer's vacation together? Uh, no. You don't know me well enough to even be sure how I take my coffee, much less to have determined that we are long-term compatible. This is just desperation talking.
And once again, that's the wrong approach.
I want you to appreciate me for who I am, not for simply being a warm body.
So now, here I am in a D/s relationship.
And I am realizing that, much tho' I fought those other bases of attraction…
I at least understood them.
But this thing…?
this submissive bitch thing…?
has me stumped.
Because he's not with me for what I look like,
or just because I'm a warm body to tie up.
No, he's here for something entirely different -- and I can't wrap my head around that.
My ears hear, "I ADORE your submissiveness"…
but my brain keeps looking for the catch.
It wants something concrete to pin his regard to -- and a mere willing attitude just doesn't seem enough. So I grasp at straws, thinking, "well, surely it's…"
but no -- not even close.
Of course, the up side to this is that I don't have to dismiss him for his dubious criteria.
The down side, however, is that I now spend half my time just wondering why the hell he's with me. Because apparently, those reasons I loathe are, nonetheless, the only ones I'm capable of actually comprehending.
*sigh*
We are such unfathomable creatures…
8 comments:
I say this with all respect, admiration and love for you - you're not gonna figure it out, he likes you. It's pretty easy to really nail down why we don't like someone but not at all why we do like them. There are millions of other people out there with more of whatever quality it is a person finds attracted to in us (you), but that's not at all the point. It's you he likes - relax and enjoy - and like him back.
gg-
hmmmmm....
... ... ...
... ... ...
... ... ...
Naaaah, that's not it!
Gotta be something else! ;-p
(thank you, sweetie)
Hate typing on my phone. Excuse typos. Its that indefinable"something" that links one to another-understanding. An " oh you for me" that isn't about (or only about) the physical connection of cock and pussy. The shared liking of music or spaghetti it's being spanked our being the spanker--a thousand little things or a few big things--who knows? I'm with gg here--relax and enjoy it. Why do you and I enjoy each other's company? You're oodles smarter than me. Yet we manage to always find that common bond that makes getting together timereally fun! (And cupcakes!)
Nilla
n-
Would that it were that easy, that "relax"...
I do have a very good grasp of that "undefinable something" -- except when it comes to my "relationships".
At which point, every brain cell I have decamps and leaves me at the mercy of those emotion things that I so suck at...
(and stop pissing me off with the "oodles smarter"...)
Just shut up and pass the cupcake. ;-p )
I've been married to my husband now for fifteen years, we've been together twenty. and I still have no real idea why the heck he's with me! Seriously!
In the end I stopped wondering, because, really, who can fathom a miracle?!
mck-
You are every bit as right as the others are...
If only my brain accepted that as easily!
(and welcome, btw!) :-D
I think you answered the question yourself in the last post "Three top turn-ons" that is what would keep me coming around to use the shell that contains you. from where I am at it appears that you have all three what more could he need.
I have been away to long from your blog.
S-
Hopefully you played catch-up, then! :-D
I… have already gotten in a whole lot of trouble over this post… (SP got preeettty mad at me) so I think I'll just bite my lip and say "You're probably right. Thank you."
:-)
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