TBT - What Ever Happened to Flirting?

It's not my plan to make Throwback Thursday a regular thing, but I see it coming in handy when a topic arises that I've already said my piece about, even if the original post is lost in the mists of time.

So, we were talking about flirting.
Here's what I had to say about it back in November of 2009...

***************************************************

This isn't particularly related to this thing we do but I was thinking the other day about the lost art of flirting. I'm not sure if the loss is due to fear of harassment claims, if it's an unfortunate step-child of feminism, or just (my fear) part of the general decline of social mores but, whatever the cause, very few people flirt well anymore. And I for one feel the loss.

I'm not talking about heavy-handed sexual innuendo, or impertinent comments. Flirting is neither sexual nor vulgar. Rather, flirting is a fun exchange that lifts the participant's spirits. Flirting in the proper sense is nothing but a light-hearted expression of appreciation. It's a delicate, nuanced approach that opens the door to an acquaintance, not a bedroom.

Nor does flirting have to be restricted to your gender of choice. One of the most proficient flirts I've ever had the pleasure to watch was an old-school Eastern European woman. Her flirting could charm the pants off almost any man but she was equally adept at using it to make another woman relax and feel welcomed. Flirting was simply her way of saying, "How very nice to see you!"

But, alas, our understanding of social niceties has become muddled.
Even though I'm a tech and a devoted blogger, I blame the internet for much of this.
For one thing, any bonehead can post "advice" and some fool will follow it. My online dating site has posted a list of Top Ten Ways To Flirt With A Man. It includes "Use suggestive language."
First off, NO! That's not flirting. Flirting hints, it doesn't beat you on the head with a 2 x 4.
Secondly, Yuck! Suggestive with a total stranger? I think not. I'll keep my self-respect, thank you very much.

But even more to the point, the distance inherent in online relationships has loosened the strictures of etiquette. Interpersonal skills have gone down the toilet as people spend less and less time looking into the eyes of the person they're addressing. Instead, we invest our time in interactions with people we wouldn't know if we stepped on. (Like us!)
In one way, this is good because that distance shields us and allows us to speak our minds more freely. But in another way, it's quite harmful. We are not vested in the relationship, so there is no fear of embarrassment or censure. In fact, it's easy to forget that the person we're addressing is a living, breathing human with (hello?!) feelings. It fosters a de-humanization that can result in stunning rudeness.
(Never by US, however!)

I am saddened by the decline of civility. But I truly mourn the passing of flirting.