So… Somebody flirted with me the other day.
It was a guy I’ve kidded around with casually for years - but he’s been upping the ante the last few times I’ve seen him. He’s very nice, considerate, attractive, age-appropriate…
All in all, I could do worse. So in an attempt to prod myself into moving forward, I took a moment to seriously contemplate developing a crush on him … and almost burst into tears. (Or vomited - it was kind of a toss-up between the two…)
Now, that’s certainly not an unusual reaction when you’re recently de-coupled. While the wounds are still fresh, you never want to think of anyone else touching you… Ever Again. (Or at least, I don’t. YMMV on this.) But even more than giving me that particular sucker punch to the heart, my momentary fantasy also provided a jarring reminder of exactly what I’m facing in life after my first D/s relationship.
I mean, you always think, “oh I’ll never find another guy” (altho’ so far I've managed it) but, man, have I complicated that likelihood by adding “submissive” to my list of “on-offers”!
Because it’s no longer just, “Find a guy you like, hope he likes you…, then hope you like his dick.” (‘Cause, sorry guys!, that’s not as much as a given as you may assume it to be.)
Nor is it even, “Find a guy you like, hope he likes you, hope he likes BDSM…, then hope you like his dick.” - because there are about 86 million different permutations of BDSM to worry about.
Instead, I’ve ended up in a position more like, “Find a guy you like, hope he likes you, hope he likes BDSM, hope you can trust him, hope he’s someone you can open up to, hope he likes Weenie Girls, hope you can respect him as a Dom, hope the naughty things you each like align, hope he wants to balance BDSM and vanilla, … then … hope you like his dick.”
Now, considering the fact that I generally stall out at, “Find a guy you like”, (much less getting past,“hope he likes you")... I am feeling seriously challenged at the moment.
Plus, truthfully, I’m wondering if I even want to worry about all that anymore, anyhow. Not that I’m swearing off kink, per se… but I’m not sure I know how to find my trust again, so I’m not sure that kink has a place on my wish list, either - altho’ I also can’t imagine a fulfilling relationship without it, so that’s kind of problematic…
And all that trust and opening up stuff?
Way down the road right now.
Way down the road right now.
Way down.
Waaaaaay way down…
Oh...! And have I mentioned the dread engendered by doing all this while now pushing 60 and hitting the nadir of my physical attractiveness?
I think I need to just swear off the whole crushing / flirting thing.
(Or at least the crushing — the flirting may be beyond my control…)
6 comments:
Suggestion for you kink needs and human interaction needs: join a BDSM Munch Group. I found the ones used to frequent on Fetlife.com. They are just fun places to meet friends, no sexy stuff required, just people who like to talk about the weird stuff they are into and be social without having to hide their dom or sub side. It helps you learn to trust yourself and see how other single folks or folks in relationships can balance their vanilla side and their BDSM side. If/when your ready to get back out there, they have suggestions for great places to meet other people ready for a relationship that are into what your into. Good luck!
Good advice in the first comment, but I just want to say it can happen. We are in the same age group...and I met Master after my 50th birthday, I had no idea it would end up where it has....so blessed by that...butif anything we both appreciate it more...cause we know the other side. Hang in there, it is possible...
hugs abby
I most definitely know how you feel, Jz. It's been 5 years since Matthew died and I am now putting my toes in the water. After having a DD relationship followed by a vanilla followed by a DD, I know I don't want another blasted vanilla. Have had to wade through a bunch of nonsense and don't know if I'll find someone or not but won't know until I dip my toes in. :) HDCS has some good suggestions...might have to check into that a bit further and see if I can find someone local. Oh and yes, I am in the same age range as you. Sending lots of positive energy for you.
Hugs and blessings...Cat
HDCS-
That’s an idea, for sure. Altho’ outside of blogging, I tend to eschew social media, so it would be a fairly significant leap for me. (That is, by the way, a masterful understatement.) But I appreciate the encouragement and good wishes. I’ll keep it in mind for when I’ve re-girded my loins. ;-)
Thank you.
a-
Yeah, I was just about 50 when I met BG and I wasn’t all that hopeful at that point, either. I’m just tired of swimming upstream at the moment. So my plan is to rest in a side pool and see if my biological imperative ever returns to me. (Or if I just start planning an algae garden… maybe over there…near that rock that gets some sun…?)
;-p
C-
Wading through the bullshit is the thing that really stops me from even starting. I am not patient at the best of times - and this is decidedly not the best, at the moment. But perhaps later. :-)
Meanwhile, woman, I wanna hear all about it when you get your ankle socks drenched!
(you toe-dipper, you!)
Jz,
Be gentle with yourself. We just attended a collaring cermony--he's 74 and she's 60something. The average age of most munches I've attended probably hovers above 45. Relantionship endings are grief. Its going to take time.
B-
Thank you, sweetie.
I'm trying not to resort to the dramatic proclamations of my youth, I promise I am. But each disappointment kinda wears a person down a little further, y'know?
Which is not to say totally - but my rebound time seems to increase as I go, that's all.
:-)
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