For quite some time now, I’ve been trying to tackle the topic of “friendship”.
Doesn’t sound like it should be such a hard thing to write about, does it? Yet there are so many different views of what constitutes “friendship”.
For some people, friends are the people you build your social life around.
That’s not really how it works for me, tho’. Rather, my friendships are matters of the heart.
I’m pretty much a loner. I’m fairly introverted, quite content to be left alone with my own head, and I lean toward misanthropy. Not someone with large social requirements, by any stretch of the imagination.
Yet, I have what is apparently considered by many people to be “a lot” of friends - which seems almost contradictory.
It doesn’t feel that way, tho’.
Human nature (my own included) may irritate the pants off of me but getting to know the parts of people that rise above expectations is one of the great joys in life. Not that I’m looking for perfection, we’re all too checkered for that. In fact, I prefer people who have edges, places where the good meets the bad (or at least, will nod and wave at it in passing.)
Perhaps my expectations are different than the norm, but I don’t need for people to be ideal fits with me (my experience has been that you will spend a lot of time alone if you take that approach.) Instead, I look for areas of compatibility. In my book, finding those areas, or even actually drawing one out of someone, is well worth any effort or temporary discomfort. It’s like reading novels with happy endings - you gain something to help offset the vagaries of life.
When I think about my friends then, what I see is a collection of people who embody all the things that are good about humanity. The individual proportions of good to bad may vary, but every single one of them enrichs me. They bring good into my life… and keep my heart open to finding even more good in others.
And I am really, really tired of cancer snatching any of that goodness away from me.
So, this is for my friend, who will never again tease me about “those chocolate jaw breaker thingies” … and who really liked this song.
13 comments:
Thank you for sharing this, Jz. I hadn't heard the song before but it's beautiful, I'm so sorry for your loss...
yY
Sorry to hear about this. My condolences to you and your friend's family.
Goodbyes are always difficult, I think. Somehow they are harder when/because there is no personal agency in the ending.
Sending soothing thoughts your way.
My heart aches for you, and for all who loved your friend.
my heartfelt condolences. Thank you for this lovely post.
Hi Jz - I am sorry to hear you've lost a great friend at this time ... there's so much sadness in this world at the moment, losing a special friend must be desperate to absorb at this time. I feel for you ... and I love that song - beautifully played here. Take care - all the best - Hilary
o-
Thank you.
I’m glad you liked the song.
Yy
T-
Thank you, sunshine.
This is one of the ones that’s harder than others, so I appreciate that.
Feve-
They are, even when you know they’re coming, you always hope they’ll still hold off for a while.
Thank you.
mm-
Thank you. He was easy to care about, so there are a lot of us hurting this week, I’m afraid.
F-
Thank you - and thank you.
H-
He was special, thank you.
I’m glad you like the song. :-)
*bump*
B-
*bump back in acknowledgement*
Thanks, cutes.
I'm with you, and I'd consider I have about a half-dozen close friends. Anyone else might be a friend, but if I haven't talked to them in a long time... maybe more of acquaintance?
Funny thing about moving overseas, is you tend to migrate to people who speak your language. Our first friends here in Vietnam were a Canadian and his American girlfriend, then their American friend.
It's stability when you know little of the language or culture around you. The more we settled in, we each migrated our own ways, and now almost all of our local expat friends are Australian. >shrug< Some by proximity, some by a deep connection.
R-
Yeah, there's a lot to be said for friends of propinquity, even if they aren't all deep connection friends.
After all, friends fit all kinds of needs for us, don't they?
Sending you hugs dear Jz.
Strangely, I lost a dear one to cancer last week and your words resonate even more closely today.
Keep you heart open ---is what I'd say.
And take care of your open heart by feeding it love, light and forgiveness whenever you get a chance.
You're in my thoughts today.
A-
Thank you, my friend.
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