Jitters
Back in April-
Saw BG on Wednesday for the first time in several weeks. He had, shall we say, a rather optimistic agenda. I dutifully did all my assignments but even with preparation, I was the most skittish I've ever been about seeing him. Even more than the first time I knew I'd be restrained. I wasn't reluctant but good heavens did I have butterflies!
What up dat?, I wondered. Nervous because we'd be trying new stuff? Maybe, but that's never stopped me before. Scared it was going to hurt? Some, yes, but I was also really excited to try. Afraid I'd disappoint him if it didn't work out? Certainly, but he's very patient and there's always tomorrow.
So why the nerves?
I think it had something to do with my coming to the edge of my known world. BG's been really good about guiding me carefully along this path. But I knew that day would be intense and it was. He had me pretty much every way it's possible to take me. We turned a corner and now I'm that much more his slut, his fucktoy, his sweet bitch.
Those aren't just words anymore.
Up to this point, it's been finding out if I like these things. But now it feels more like this is something I am becoming. I'm one step closer to somewhere I may not know how to get back from. And no one likes feeling lost, even when they've chosen to travel the unknown road.
It reminds me of my first trip abroad - nervous as hell but absolutely determined to move forward because I knew it was what I wanted, nerves be damned.
A little dramamine and I'll be fine...
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Scholarly_Professor: We could play some hot submission games on you with two guys
Jz: how do doms work that, btw? If what gets you off is the domination, how do you manage sharing it?
Scholarly_Professor: by polite interaction and showing favorite moves to each other
Jz: ah
Scholarly_Professor: and doing a lot of talking over the head of the sub
Jz: lol
Jz: who'll have her mouth too busy to go, "Hey guys! Right here in the room!"?
Scholarly_Professor: in a way as chefs discussing what to do with a prime piece of meat -- exchanging recipes
Jz: nice!
Scholarly_Professor: Indeed, mouth busy or not, you will not speak unless asked a question and you will not address us as "guys"
Jz: ja, schat
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7 comments:
So did they? I know you don't get as much time as you would really like, I hope opportunities materialize for you soon.
*grins*
No, not yet. Everyone's good with the idea but it's problematic. Right now, we're not even all in the same country, much less, say, time zone, state, room...
But, like Mike, it's a goal!
There are a lot of nervous twitters that go on...I still get butterflies when Omega says the word "basement".
mouse
*grins again*
I'm sure you're right, miss mouse.
Just surprised me at the time.
(fortunately, my basement is too cluttered and cobwebby to be turned into a house 'o' pain. BG looked. Then gave up... *phew!*)
nothing more erotic than anticipation....
Jz, if we don't get the butterflies, we may not enjoy it,,,the butterflies, whew, I am about to be under someone elses control.
s & cd-
There is definitely much to be said for the erotic anticipation. This went a smidge past that, tho'. We almost hit "run screaming into the night" stage. I think I'd just let my own head get the better of me for a bit. Settled down just fine once he arrived. :-)
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