Thinking about updating my online dating profile. These points would all have been really useful to have included up previously. Shall I put them in now, do you think?:
If I've never met you before, I'm not hopping into a boat and going a mile offshore with you. My refusal does not warrant a week-long siege of cyber-abuse about how I'm disrespecting you. That you don't get this validates my decision.
Yes. I have breasts. I don't find that unusual enough to require comment. Neither should you.
Your recent adult circumcision is not an ideal topic of conversation.
It is entirely possible to use LOL too much. If it's in every sentence, I'm probably not LWY.
The mere fact that you're 22 will not get you into my 50-year old pants. I like the mind fuck. That requires a mind...
If you cannot write an email without mentioning your goats, you might want to find yourself another correspondent.
You may not find me attractive. But I'd prefer you not harangue me for having the nerve to think you might, OK?
If you refer to me as your girlfriend on our first date, I will run. Fast and far. Just sayin'.
If there's any possibility you will abruptly end a conversation when you find my foot is the wrong size for your fetish, please don't even start one.
Sorry. I'm spank-me girl, not put-on-a-dildo-and-do-you girl. And can I just mention that's really NOT a good suggestion for the fourth-ever chat?
No, I don't want to see a picture of your penis. But don't worry. Even if it's hideous, I'll deal - if I like you enough.
(Too harsh?)
/*tongue firmly in cheek*/
There. It's out of my system. Now maybe I can write a real one...
Thanks, guys!
10 comments:
ok...what's wrong with goats???
I dunno, I'd go with that one. Its pretty perfect *winks*
my personal favourite "you have to have a mind" - these were HILARIOUS JZ ....grins- never a boring moment on the internet highway!
Sir J- it's not goats per se. It's the degree of closeness that concerns me...
Kitty- *grins* thank you! And welcome.
selkie- it's laugh or slit my wrists. ;-)
I don't know, Jz, I think you may have your standards set too high, have you considered not having any (standards that is)?
Yes, while I am as big a fan of penis as the next gal, I need to be warned before I open an email that it's going to be making a grand appearance. And no, I don't believe in reciprocity for those pics.
Also, as spank me girl, I reserve the right not to be spanked for past behavior. Like before we ever met.
This could get lengthy but let's try to clean or at least organize the room in the background of your pics.
Personal grooming, just because some spanko clips show guys who look like schulbs does not mean it is a fashion do.
The cool darkness of my rock is calling,,,CD
I think the guy deserved that answer. He's not in your league.
FD
talk about shooting the moon!? BTW I agree thoroughly about the goats and would add sheep to that list..Also deep discussion on their "rutting."
*hugs*
mouse
gg- Darn it! Why have I never considered that before?!?!
CD- And how do they "just happen" to have these photos? Is it some male rite of passage that we don't know of? A sub-corrollary to The Boy Scout Motto? (Always have a condom in your wallet and a nekkid weiner picture in your iPhoto?)
FD- That's very kind. Thank you. And welcome to you, too.
But I'm afraid if you were referring to the penis photo remark, you're going to have to make that "guyS". That is the single most common come-on line I've gotten.
(So effective, no wonder it's number one!)
mouse - YES! to the sheep. He has those, as well.
(They just don't figure as prominently in stories.)
But the very thought of a "rutting" conversation had me breaking out into a cold sweat... Please never do that to me again! ;-)
words to live by
"elowto"
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