The Scene: High school gym class.
I come upon a gang of "tough girls" manhandling my best friend. I wade in and detach them from her person. They mutter, "this isn't over" and stalk off. I make sure my friend is OK, then we both start shaking like leaves.
We pass the next week in a jitter of nerves. Gym class finally rolls around and the tough girls come over for the face-off. The nasty little rat-faced leader has just started to posture when the large, bulky "muscle" breaks in, "Can we just get this over with, please? I really don't want to mess with her again." (pointing at me)
Huh?? I make her nervous?? Are you flippin' kidding me???
Lesson #1: Bullies are often largely hot air. (see also Lesson #2)
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The Scene: A college dance.
A wise-ass friend tells me to go make the DJ stop playing the crap music. "Me? You're the guy, you do it!" "Ah, but you have the best "don't fuck with me" look of anyone I know..."
Lesson #2: We don't always project the image we think we do...
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The Scene: My senior ball.
I'm going with a friend, a rugby-playing Brit who has a match that afternoon. I do the girly thing. I apply make-up, I fuss with my hair. My friend arrives, already two sheets to the wind, because they won the match. I walk downstairs to meet him. He looks up.
"Jz, you look..., Fuck! You're,... fuck me! ... F-f-f-f......" (pause)
Sorry. Not exactly Alfred Lord Tennyson, is it?... ... ... f-f-f-f...
You look very nice."
Lesson #3: Sincerity can trump eloquence.
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The Scene: Post-romp lounging with a beau.
Because, ya know, I'm a girl, I ask what his favorite thing is about me (fully expecting to hear some body part.) He answers, "Your attitude toward sex. It's incredibly erotic..."
Lesson #4: It's not so much what you've got, it's how you use it.
(Note to self: Try to remember this one.)
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The Scene: A casual chat with a new guy.
In which I unintentionally reveal the uncomfortable relationship that is mine with my looks. He says, "Think about this for a minute. Aren't you insulting me and my taste when you talk about yourself that way?"
oh.
hmmmm......
Lesson #5: Sometimes I should just shut up.
(Note to self: REALLY try to remember this one!)
And yours...?
4 comments:
Jz,
These are brilliant. I would have to think real hard, I'm not sure I've learned this much in my life.
I'm with greengirl, Brilliant JZ - and a reminder to all of us to change the angle and look again
I agree with the others. It's great how you can look at these little happenings in your life and tie in the little lessons that go with it. I'm going to have to start looking at my daily happenings a little differently I think.
spirited
LOL not much to add...
mouse
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