Journal Musings 9

A Moment's Pause

Tonight I started looking at dom blogs.
I was doing OK until I hit one that kinda unnerved me. There were a bunch of pictures posted and I have to admit, a couple of them were pretty uncomfortable to look at. They probably weren't even all that hard core, comparatively speaking, but they bothered me.

Enough that I had to think about it for a bit. Am I just weenie-girl, playing at submission, only to get scared off when the going gets tough?
It took some mulling and a little time but I finally arrived at my conclusions.

First off, I'm not just playing at this. It's a real interest, tho' one I'm still learning. I thought long and hard before deciding to give submission a shot. I did my research, asked my questions and, I think, shed some of the more unrealistic expectations before I ever stuck a toe in the water.

Plus, (a very important point) BG has never scared me. I'm on my toes, never sure what he's up to, but I'm not scared. I'm getting creeped out by these pictures but those are strangers (in icky basements) - I'm in this with a guy I trust.
I may not know how far I can take it, because I don't know all of what lies ahead. What I do know is that if I hit a limit, I can say stop, and he will. (At least for a while. *grin*) So, I'm not even going to try to figure it out ahead of time. I'll just go with the flow and cross each bridge when we get there. Not before.

Granted, the thought of disappointing him does bother me. But I'm not going to anticipate a failure that may not happen. A D/s relationship is no different than any other in that they all have their own dynamics. We'll work ours out by ourselves.

later-
I was glad I'd had a chance to think this through already. BG just sent me a link to a site that gave me the same reaction. Then he asked what I thought. Thankfully, I was now prepared to say something other than just sputtering and stuttering, "Euw! Tongue?! What? Unpleasant man! Nasty cinder-block!"

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Scholarly_Professor: It is funny to note that this being a sub and allowing yourself to be "abused" is actually clearly boosting your confidence
Jz: I just pulled my turtleneck over my face in embarrassment
Scholarly_Professor: how high did you pull the turtleneck?
Jz: up over my glasses
Scholarly_Professor: crazy woman
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