I was sent a screenshot of a FetLife profile... quite the piece of writing, I must say. Purportedly by a slavegirl who's into 24/7, it details how she craves hard and extreme use, and wants to please her master with the whole of her body - and all of her holes -- and lists a number of the seemingly unlimited acts she'd be willing to perform. (Including being "a bowl of cum [for my] Master.")
Now, there were definite clues that this profile was spurious but even so, I found myself thinking, "It's people like you who spoil it for the rest of us...!"
Because I could just imagine my profile in comparison...
"Situational sub willing to occasionally serve a Dominant. No longer a n00b but not quite "experienced" either, I'm stubborn and lippy and prone to telling you exactly what I think of that idea you just proposed. Fairly weenie-ish, I enjoy bondage and some degree of pain play but if you attempt to objectify or humiliate me, I will most likely bite something dear to you.
Our power exchange would range from total at times to completely non-existent at others.
My wishes are to make my Dom happy as long as that doesn't entail making myself miserable in the process.
I am educated, sometimes charming, occasionally amusing, but most often sarcastic.
I enjoy being guided and controlled.
I will be happy to proffer my whole body for your use.
Please do not expect me to clean your ears with my tongue."
Not really at the cum-bowl level, is it...?
*sigh*
;-p
15 comments:
Ok - give yourself some credit - you could prevaricate, exaggerate, and outright lie in your profile too. If you wanted to... But why on earth would you? And who likes tongues in their ears anyhow?
Ya know, your profile was sounding pretty damn workable until you said you wouldn't clean ears with your tongue. WTH! That my dear is a deal breaker. ;p
BTW...I have a few edits:
alwayscharming, extremelyamusing, but most often sarcastic.
-H
I don't need to clean anyones ears to get the flavor, they have jellybeans that taste like ear wax now, doncha know? Your profile is sooo much more interesting than that other one!!! ROFLMAO!
I like yours better too.
Cleaning ears with tongue. I didn't know I could be squicked, but you just did it. Ugh.
I don't often comment, but I can't help it :) I'm so not in the market of Fetlife, but yours is much more interesting!
gg-
And if I did lie, it would be more convincing than what this person wrote, too, I can assure you.
I was really just having fun with the visual my imagination came up with...
So I borrowed the structure of my "profile" from the original -- and that's where the ear-cleaning by tongue came from, I'm afraid. Yes, bowl of cum AND ear-cleaner.
A high bar, to be sure...
;-p
H-
I know.
I hang my head in shame that I cannot offer this service...
;-p
Thank you for your edits.
(your check will be in the mail soon...)
lm-
Hey, I've eaten one of those nasty jellybeans. (We had a sort of challenge match at work and as the only woman, I couldn't totally wuss out. Boy, did I want to, tho'...) (And wished I had!)
Thank you for your vote!
C-
Welcome!
I wasn't intentionally attempting to squick but if I've given you a new experience, then my job here is done! ;-p
(and thank you, too!)
M-
Well, I'm always glad when you do comment.
And a gentlemanly compliment will never go amiss!
;-)
Heh... Yeah I wonder how many of those end up eating their words.
Omigosh, what a great post! i'm so glad i came over and read it. I love the sound of your profile!!!
i always think the people who sound all extreme like that are just so new they don't know any better. But i could be wrong!
Omigosh, now i'm gonna go see if i can find you and friend you, if that's ok?
aisha
P.S. - O, wait, i probably can't find you -you probably have a different name there. Come find me if you want to - i'm aisha_54.
t-
I wonder how many actually get genuine answers...
a-
I absolutely agree that the really extreme ones always make me think, "Are you for real?"
Although having said that, I have to confess to a degree of spuriousness in MY profile, too.
*clears throat in abashed manner*
FL is still a big scary jungle for me...
But if I ever venture out of the safety of the savannah, I'll look you up for sure!
WTH?! Those jellybeans are real? I thought it was a joke.
Eeeewwww! Twisted. Why?
-H
I have no answer.
But J.K. Rowling is laughing all the way to the bank...
;-)
Your hypothetical profile made me grin! Of course, I'd find it far more interesting than Bowl o' Cum Girl's. Doormats are not very interesting. Real people, however, with all their baggage and eccentricity, are lots of fun, even when (especially when?) they're being difficult!
"being difficult"??
MOI???
;-p
Thank you and Welcome!
Love this!!
-r.
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