OK, there are a couple of disclaimers before I embark on my tale of wonder and delight...
First, my decision itself did not miraculously change our situation overnight.
In fact, I spent Valentine's Day self-medicating with an excess of stroopwafels and mentally rehearsing the manner in which I would drop-kick him into next week.
The resulting spat, however, cleared the air. We expressed our frustrations from the last several months and gave ourselves a clean slate for moving on.
Second, my mindset was not the only factor that changed. Around the same time, BG resolved a couple of outside issues, which took a huge weight off of his shoulders. The timing was pure coincidence but I am not one to disparage serendipity.
However we got here, the fact remains that he's calmer and I'm calmer and we've both made some adjustments to how we handle our relationship.
He:
-makes more effort to be in touch.
-makes time for us more often.
-stays in the moment with me rather than going into multi-processing mode.
I:
-am actively avoiding borrowing trouble.
-am learning to listen to what he says, not what I hear.
-have stopped repressing my inner slut.
(Who has a voracious appetite for excessively well-ventilated clothing and knows how to use a credit card, may I just add.)
Now, I fully realize that we're still in flux and changes will continue.
Hell, I may have to muzzle the slut again for purely budgetary reasons.
But I am chuffed as anything at the fact that we've somehow finessed an improvement to what I thought was very much a static situation.
Despite thinking my choices were to get off the rollercoaster or remain patient, in the end, I've managed both.
Well, I say I've managed but it's really we've managed. That's the nicest part about the outcome - we each contributed. The changes aren't all mine or all his. With a little effort from both, we've made a significant difference to the tone of the relationship. It's calmer, more open, more playful.
Where will it lead?
No idea.
Am I enjoying the ride?
See Jz smile...
7 comments:
I know some people seem to think that some relationships are bullet proof, but no relationship is. I'm glad you and BG are working through things. It takes a lot of patience on both sides, learning and adjusting.
Hugs to you both,
mouse
Thank you, miz mouse!
*hugs back*
Really, the goal is to just get to next fall, when he'll have more time. Then we can give the relationship a fair shot. If it goes farther at that point, great. (Really!) But if not, I'll at least be able to be comfortable that I did what felt right.
But I'm also enjoying the fact that I'm not the only one compromising to try to get us there. I was starting to wonder but he's stepped up to the plate, so... :-)
I am truly happy for you. Mouse is right - no relationship is bulletproof, but resentment, lack of openess, and one sided effort will kill it without a single shot fired. Something is right when one small step leads to more steps and thengs trend upwards.
gg-
Thank you. That made me smile.
I'm glad you were able to get things worked out and that you're in a better space as far as your relationship is involved. I'm sure the fall will be here before you know it! :-D
*hugs*
turiya
It is true that a big part of finding peace in your submission requires the cultivation of patience, but being realistic is essential!!! I am glad you feel that he is doing his part as well, Jz. And only you can know if this is enough to fulfill you at this time.
I like what you said about listening to what he says and not what you hear. This can be hard to do sometimes, esp. when you are feeling defensive or that your own needs are not being met.
Good luck and good love. I hope your good vibe lasts for some time!!
t-
Thanks, ma'am!
I'm SURE fall will be here before I know it, cuz I never have my painting done in time! :-)
w-
Groovin' to the Beach Boys in my head...
Yes, the listening was a tough one. It still requires constant monitoring but it's easier to do, so that's something, anyhow.
Thanks for the good wishes.
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