ISO Knight Errant

Even when you know there is nothing personal about a a particular post, sometimes it's hard to keep them from getting to you. Not long ago, I ended up having to talk myself out of the beginning of a wallow when a perfectly well-meaning person put together back-to-back posts that praised women for precisely some feminine characteristic that I lack.

Now, a single voice is manageable. You say to yourself, "well, this is just one man's opinion" and take that one differing viewpoint easily in stride. But when the whole frickin' Greek chorus chimes in on the side of that which you lack, it can be the death-knell for your confidence. It doesn't matter that your head knows better. These 4 to 10 men have become a perfect microcosm of All Men Everywhere and YOU have just flunked The Attractiveness Test. You are mortified and certain that people have been laughing behind your back for years.

Is this ridiculous? Yes.
Do most of us recognize it as common female behavior? (nod, nod, nod)

When it comes to our appearance, women are much quicker to believe the judgments of total strangers than the evidence of our own eyes or opinions of our loved ones. The good news is that we have identified this quirk and begun to address the issue.
In the meantime, however, I think a little assistance might be called for...

A long time ago, I heard the story of a bunch of sailors who were invited to a night of drinking in the officer's club of a foreign port. They gathered together before the fun began and drew straws. The poor schmuck who got the short straw had to spend his evening as The Designated Apologizer. While his buddies got to laugh, carouse, and bullshit the night away, he spent his time going around behind them saying, "I'm Sorry! ...  I'm Sorry!"

I think perhaps we need something similar in the blogosphere. I believe there is a place for someone who spends his time reading blogs and, whenever he identifies an unchecked groundswell of support for one feminine characteristic over another, rushes to chime in with some sort of mitigating statement. ("But gorgeous is gorgeous, no matter what the size." - something of that ilk.) Just to keep the playing field even.

The qualifications needn't be stringent. Our hero could be someone who genuinely likes all women, or he could be someone who simply enjoys playing devil's advocate. It really wouldn't matter as long as he defends the underdog du jour.

It could be fun, too! This paragon of justice could have a cool nickname like "The Equalizer" and walk around in a trench coat, channeling Edward Woodward (complete with yummy accent) while balancing the odds for womankind. It's actually the ultimate male fantasy job. Action-hero, spy, and knight in shining armor all in one!

Surely we'd have some takers out there!?
Email me. We'll talk...