I was reading spirited one's post, "Research is Dangerous" and found myself giggling at the phrase, "After all... I'm not a masochist (yeah, I still really believe that)."
I laughed because I know exactly what she means. There are certain words my mind just tries to reject. Masochist, bitch, slut... Yet I have no trouble accepting the concept behind them. I sit here, bruised and aching from my latest visit with BG, slipping into luxuriant daydreams that alternate reliving highlights from that scene with dreamy fantasies of the next to come. But, masochist?? Surely not!
Words can be technically correct and yet still not fit the bill. They are slippery. They carry connotations that go beyond simple meaning and often conflict with the definition. Words are one of my very favorite things in the whole world but I struggle with them for those very reasons.
It's why I don't like "bitch". In common useage, it's often dismissive, demeaning, and hostile. When BG purrs that I'm his "sweet, sexy bitch", I both melt and bristle. I know he means no offense but it's hard to get past the baggage that comes with the word. Part of me glows with pride and the rest yelps, "Hey! Wait a minute!"
"Masochist" has similar problems. The dictionary informs us that masochism is "a sexual perversion characterized by pleasure in being subjected to pain or humiliation" or "pleasure in being abused or dominated : a taste for suffering"
Pleasure in being abused? A taste for suffering? Perverted?!?
Not this girl! I'm the strong, self-reliant, Woman-Hear-Me-Roar.
Those two little words, "or dominated", get lost amid the brain's rant against the connotations of weakness embedded in the rest. The overall impression feels wrong, even if the words are actually apt.
I love to be spanked and bound. Being manipulated and commanded is deeply moving. I revel in the challenge of tricky tasks to be performed in an almost unreasonable time-frame. I enjoy the teasing, tussling, and taming. I absolutely adore having a guy who lets me give as good as I get but still keeps the upper hand. Someone who channels my actions to his will. To hear him say, "good girl", I will happily do just about anything he asks. Kneeling at his feet is coming home.
But isn't there a better word for that than "slut"?
A pulpy novel I read long ago offered, "Your body doesn't know right or wrong, it just knows what it likes." Something to remember. There is a truth inside us that simply IS. We can like it, we can hate it but it's there. It's part of us and ignoring it will not make it go away, just as acknowledging it does not change who we are. To be comfortable in our own skins, we need to accept these truths. Trying to put a label them can be distressing, however. Maybe we should just skip the words.
8 comments:
OMG yes! Let's just get rid of words all together... or make up new ones to describe what we think we are. I like that idea!
I know what you mean about being called a slut or bitch, though. It grates at you, but at the same time when he says it... it just sends shivers down your spine and you just can't help reacting to it. It's nuts! We're not supposed to like these things right?
Oh and stay away from the dictionary... it's dangerous!!! People who know nothing of anything write those things!
spirited
spirited-
so,this would probably not be a good time to tell you that I'm one of those people who read dictionaries for the fun of it...?
:-)
Damn... so do I... Sssshhhh.... Okay so let me rephrase that. Perhaps we just shouldn't take everything we read seriously. Unless, of course, it can be backed up by facts... you know... like personal experience.
But damn... why can't they come up with a word that describes a person who enjoys receiving pain for the psychological and spiritual benefits received. I mean... it's not exactly as if we actually enjoy the pain. We just like what it does to us... it's not the same thing.
Master called me a masochist again last night.... can you tell I'm pouting?
hehehe...
spirited
The things they growl in your ear in the throes of passion,,,,,the ones that push you right over the edge while your higher conscious is screaming, "WTH!?! No he didn't just say that!" The same words that might make me stab him in the kitchen are good times in the bedroom. And the kneeling,,,What is that? Why is that? The kneeling hug,,,is there anything better? I'm not those words, I can't be those words,,,but yet I am,,,I will just be undefined.
Yes, DO join us here in the Land of The Un-Worded and Undefined! It's a pleasant place. We even have chocolate and coffee...
Seriously, I truly do much better when I don't think about the words and just go with being me and being "us."
I learned that years ago with SP but somehow forgot it for a while along the way.
That was such a good observation that the body knows what it likes. How true.
FD
Jz,
This is such a good post - in that it made me really, really think about it. Commenting, on the other hand, I'm finding very difficult, it requires me to put my barely coherent thoughts INTO WORDS. Upon falling into this world, I kept looking for a guidebook, instruction manual, "how-to for dummies", or even just a menu. What I found was a whole lot of discord about terms and names and labels A standardized terminology would make learning/exploring/ communicating easier, but this also precludes making it your own. It would be harder for "our bodies to know what they like" if they had to choose form a pre-defined list.
And yea - we still have trouble with the words dominant and submissive, although the reality seems to carry on despite this.
FD-
It is kind of striking, isn't it?
gg-
Wow. I made the thinker think!
That's a good point about words inhibiting customization. Or, reliance on the words, rather. And customization is where the fun lies, so... :-)
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