The Great Potato Maneuver

It’s one of those DIY tips that you take note of because kind of hope you’ll get to use it someday... Perhaps you’ve heard of it? 

“If you have a lightbulb break off in the socket, don’t panic - just use a potato.”

Really, it’s an idea that is brilliant in its simplicity.

“Cut a potato in half. Turn off the power to the socket, then press the potato piece onto the broken part and turn. The bulb end will unscrew right out of the socket.”

SImple… and pretty fun-sounding, actually. 

I wanna try this!

This past fall, the opportunity finally arrived. I’d been deep cleaning the venerable light fixture in a small and extremely dark alcove when the lightbulb had - not broken, precisely… more like, made a run for it. The entire glass unit slid from the base as smoothly as bras come off in men’s imaginations - one minute secure within it’s housing, the next, nestled in my quickly-raised hand. No cracks, no breaks - even the tiny, quivering filament was intact. 

Really, the only thing showing any signs of trauma were my nerves.

But I rallied quickly as I thought excitedly, 

“Oh, boy! I can finally try that Potato Maneuver!”

Of course, I had no tubers on hand… not even a desicating yam. But that was a minor speedbump. I simply groped through that alcove in the dark until I had a chance to hit the grocery store and arm myself.

I figured out which circuit the light was on and shut that down.

I selected a potato of appropriate size and halved it.

I climbed up on a chair and gleefully pressed the potato onto the empty socket aaannnd…

NOT how mine looked

I turned.

At first, nothing happened, then…, 

a little potato juice dripped down my arm.

But that was about it.

There was no resistance, no slow movement, no dramatic uncoupling of metal from metal. Nothing to show for this entire adventure except a deeply scored “O” on the surface of the potato. I was reduced to using pliers and prayer to remove the stuck parts.

It was VERY disappointing. 

I had Potato Fail let-down for hours.