Wednesday, April 4, 2018

In Which I Learn to Stuff Grape Leaves

Dolmades are an acquired taste, I think. If you’re not lucky on your first sampling, the leaves can be unpleasantly stringy or sometimes even a bit slimy. Often they’re too salty, occasionally awash in oil, and the fillings can be fairly bland.

So I eat dolmades…
I don’t dislike dolmades…
But I rarely go out of my way to select one, either.

This really bothered my friend Yasmina.., so she decided to teach me how to make them from scratch. “A million times better, you’ll see!” (I didn’t bother to point out that I felt that way even about the homemade ones my friend Christina produced, because those were Bulgarian, not Greek, and please don’t confuse the two, ok?)

So we set aside a Saturday morning for a lesson in dolmades construction… on a day when the fates were not smiling upon Yasmina's kitchen. 

  -We separated our grape leaves before blanching, only to find mostly broken specimens. (“This is all right - it is still enough to roll.”)

  -She sliced her finger open chopping the onion. (“This is all right - I did not bleed onto food.”)

  -The lemon juicer was nowhere to be found. (“This is all right - we use a fork.”)

  -Her rental apartment didn’t have a pot big enough. (“This is all right - we cook in batches.”)

  -And the potholder caught and went up in flames. (“Oh! Oh! We have a fire in our house!”)

Pretty much the only thing we lacked was a visit from the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.

          Anyone surprised to hear I’ve never made dolmades again…?

18 comments:

Red said...

So... stuffed grape leaves are called Dolmades? Good to know. I've had good ones. It's not something I'll see on a menu and say, "oh, look! Gotta have that!" but if it is served at someone's event, I'll happily partake.

Nice to find you through A to Z!

Fondles said...

I've never seen them, nor heard of them, so thank you for the lesson! I shall go look them up on the web now. :)

Mrs Fever said...

I have major texture issues when it comes to food (bananas, bleach!), so the combination of 'stringy' and 'slimy' possibilities makes dolmades a 'no-y' for me.

messymimi said...

Mawmaw used to make them, and i used to help her pick the grape leaves. No, you really can't grow good grapes in Louisiana, but they do produce copious numbers of leaves. We always made ours with the meat and rice mixture.

It sounds as if you are not fated to love dolmades.

Emily in Ecuador said...

As I read, I went from wondering what they were and how to make them to hoping no one ever teaches me to make them. LOL! Hope the dolmades turned out okay after all that!

Emily In Ecuador | Dolphins - Puerto Lopez

msdarkstar said...

Interesting - they're something I look at every time I look at the menu in a Greek restaurant but I've never QUITE been daring enough to try them.

Jz said...

R-
Yep- that is the name, at least in the two cultures through which I learned of them.
I’ve had good ones, too, but even the best ones don’t wow me. Just, as you say, I don’t go out of my way to find them but if presented with one, I’ll eat!

F-
I’ve learned some interesting dishes from you, so I’m glad to reciprocate!

Mrs. F-
Pears and raw seafood are my bete noirs, texture-wise, so I understand what you mean.

MM-
I would think fresh leaves might make quite a difference. You can be selective that way!

and yes, I did decide to take that adventure as a sign from the heavens that I should step away from grape leaf stuffing… ;-)

E-
That gave me a good chuckle!
Yes, they did turn out ok, despite the slightly smoky overtones on a couple.

msd-
The taste itself is generally quite innocuous. They aren’t usually wildly spicy or anything. Just a fairly basic seasoned rice stuffing (sometimes with meat, as Mimi points out) It’s mostly the leaves that I can find challenging.

CAAC said...

Jz,

Not familiar with this food but as entertaining as your experience was it was nothing short of a disaster. lol Thanks for visiting yesterday!

Curious as a Cathy
A2Z iPad Art Sketch 'Dolphin'

Arti said...

You may not have made Dolmades again, but boy did you get an entertaining D post out of that experience!
We get delicious, non oily, flavoursome vine leave rolls (only found out from your post these have name)in Doha. Just saying:)
E is for Expresso

Jz said...

A-
You're probably in one of those "fresh leaf" using places! ;-p
Go ahead, have another for me, please.

Hilary Melton-Butcher said...

Hi Jz - I love dolmades and if they're ever around ... I'll happily have one ... but I'd love to be able to make them - however I'll steer clear of Yasmina and her kitchen!! Cheers Hilary

Jz said...

H-
OR... you could sit in Yasmina's kitchen and man the fire extinguisher while she makes you dolmades...
That might work! ;-p

Dyanne @ I Want Backsies said...

I wouldn't be able to get past the grape leaves. I don't like slimy green stuff, like cooked spinach or collards or such. I'M A PICKY EATER AND I FULLY ADMIT IT. I have, on occasion, set an oven mitt on fire, though.

Jz said...

D-
Other than my time with Yasmina, I've never gone past a good scorching...
;-p
(oh, and I don't judge on green thing aversions. Just sayin'...)

Bleue D'âme said...

I feel like there is so much more better/inspiring Greek-fare, I've never liked any dolmade I've tried.
But your story made me laugh.

Jz said...

B-
Yeah, I'm more of a "Screw the Domades, Pass the Pastitsio" kind of girl... ;-D
Glad you enjoyed it, sunshine.

Lea said...

I never liked those, or cabbage rolls. Or any wilty leaf thing... The universe was telling you guys to stop!!

Glad you're both okay.

Jz said...

L-
*grin*
I agree - clearly a sign from the universe. (Altho' I'm ok with cabbage rolls.)
But who am I to buck a message from the powers that be?