I’ve told you all numerous times that I’m not much of one for swearing. I’m not prissy about it, it doesn’t offend me particularly, it’s just that whenever I hear someone indulging in an excess of profanity, I find myself recalling the words of my mother: “Well, that shows a decided lack of vocabulary, doesn’t it?”
On the other hand, I am human.
A human who went off to school and lived cheek by jowl with a lot of other humans, even.
I’ll admit it, I got pretty lazy with my damns and shits - but it wasn’t until I found myself starting to drop the f-bomb that I realized something needed to be done, before I turned into someone my mama would have disdained.
The problem with giving up cussing, of course, is that part of its appeal is the extremely satisfactory feel of the words in the mouth. There is something about a long, drawn-out “fffffffff” followed by a hard, bitten-off syllable that really does express annoyance perfectly. Particularly when you snap it out with an emphatic head nod. After a few abortive attempts to simply stop cold-turkey, I realized that if I was going to have any success at all in this mission, I was going to have to find a word with a similarly gratifying feel.
Fol de rol?
Nope, too many syllables…
Fiddlesticks?
Not even close…
Phooey?
Better, but no hard bite at the end…
Frack?
Mmmm, no. That “r” messes with the sibilance…
Flippin’?
Good as an adjective but not as a expletive.
Fudge?
Wait, try that again…!
Fudge!
Perfect!
Once more, just for the fun of it…
FUDGE!!
Oooh, the emphatic head nod even goes with it.
Ladies and gentlemen, we have a winner!
Fudge - The Expletive
16 comments:
This post is fudging good! In fact, it's fudging awesome.
I am in your Mother's camp--it's lazy to use the same 2-3 words to express a range of emotions.
However, there is a certain something about the F word. It fits certain situations perfectly.
The 'even' on the end of this sentence is genius. Love it.
"A human who went off to school and lived cheek by jowl with a lot of other humans, even."
Cheers for the chuckle.
F is for Five Favourite things
I wasn't sure where this was headed! Great post!
now i want fudge. tsk. fudge it!
Hi Jz .. fiddle-dee-dee ... is what comes out of an English grandmother's mouth - aged 96 - when she feels like it!! I like our fudge ... but I've been known to say 'sugar' ... cheers Hilary
Just for fun, go to Google images and look up The Tim Hawkins Handbook Alternative Cuss Words Field Tested & Mother Approved
I try to keep my language fairly clean, at least when others are around, but sometimes, nothing works but a long, drawn out FUUUUUUUDGE.
The requirement to moderate one's language is a necessity, i was also brought up with your mother's ideals but a good alternative to keep up your sleeve is always a good plan.
As well as escaping to somewhere where you are all alone and getting all the cussing out in one go.
Love this post, it made me laugh.
A-
It does fit certain situations perfectly, and I wholeheartedly support its use during those times.
(And, of course, when needed as a literal imperative, as well...)
:-D
MDC-
Thank you for being brave enough to wade in. ;-)
Glad you enjoyed it. (And welcome!)
F-
I'll trade you some fudge for one of those cakes, she wheedles...
H-
Oh, yeah. Sugar is another extremely satisfactory substitute. I'm with you on that.
mm-
I had not seen that and I love you for bringing it to my attention!
Excellent, thank you.
D-
Ezzackly! *emphatic nod*
A-
Usually once the immediate crisis is past, I don't need the venting so much. I think that might be different if I were an inspired curser, like some I know (I'm lookin' at you, SP!) You know, the people who can string together those marvelously long, complex, and never-redundant pearls of invective. I'm more of the "repeat the same word over and over until your mouth is numb" kind of swearer. Not that interesting, I'm afraid... :-D
Late to the party but commenting anyhow. I often avoid the f-word in my daily life, preferring expletives like "Great Garden Seed! As an adjective, i use frigging which is kind of fun. But i've also discoverd that if you hardly ever use the f-word, you can pull it out for dramatic effect and people will sit up and take notice. Which can be helpful sometimes.
But I love using "fudge"instead - and my mama, who also thought using cuss words was the sign of an underdeveloped vocabulary - also used Fudge as her substitute. I am pretty sure this is not the only thing you and she have in common - and I love that!
o-
Post-party visitors every bit as welcome!
You are absolutely right - when I do bust out with an f-bomb, it gets people's attention, I can tell ya.
That's so cool that there are things I have in common with your mama!
Thank you!
Yy
"Frack" is what I ended up naming someone in a post I once wrote. Remember that header that had you distracted the other day? The one about using condoms as ponytail holders?
Yep...
;)
Mrs F-
I'm never going to look at that word the same...
;-p
That's absolute shite... fecking ridiculous LOL.... I can have a mouth like a sewer ... I feel it's like an Irish thing - part of our lexicon... yup, even in front of my kids... Maeve - around 13 months playing with toys in front of her OTHER grandma (D's mother - sweet lady who would literally have cut her tongue out before swearing)- drops a toy - SHIT, she says at the top of her lungs... yeah,I did,I really really did try to watch it. D. because the whole teacher thing - F-word - yeah, F-word - still uses it!
s-
I'd call you The Unrepentant Cusser... but you'd have to share the name with so many other of my friends that it wouldn't be particularly helpful as an identifier. ;-p
I don't judge, it's just not my choice.
I have a potty mouth. And I honestly love swearing. It feels good, and I don't think it makes me less intelligent or able to use vocabulary. There's just no good alternative for a good curse word, in my opinion.
I am aware, however, that in my ridiculously conservative area, most people don't feel that way, and will look down on you, or judge you if you do curse, so I try to curb it.
Curbing it makes me feel like I'm trying to be better than other people in a way, so I hate it, haha!
L-
I think you can easily repackage "trying to be better than other people" as "trying to be respectful of other people", so perhaps you can smooth over that one sticking point in that way?
Or not.
Just a thought... :-)
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