The Trick

BG has this trick.
I'm not sure it's strictly a Dominant trick but the only other person I've met who has it (or been able to use it on me, at least) is SP, so I do have to wonder sometimes.
Nor am I sure I can explain it to you properly...

Part of it is acceptance.
Like most people on earth, I am still a work in progress. There are realities about me that have to be dealt with, like them or not.
And he does.
Baggage, quirks, and mortifying factoids, he takes them all in stride, with no hesitations.

But it's how he accepts them that is the most striking to me.
His acceptance is totally without cost to me.
I'm never made to feel embarrassed, defensive, or beholden by it.
Not that those feelings are supposed to accompany acceptance but that's not how it always happens in real life. Too often, you end up being made to feel that the other person is doing you a huge favor by taking you as you are. (And do, please, remember this!)
BG does none of that.
He just says, "OK, we can handle that" -- and never mentions it again.

Some of this ability might, I think, have it's roots in his dominance. A good Dom is always paying attention, whether he appears to be or not. So doms generally learn to read people, particularly their subs, that little bit better than the average bear.
Which seems to give them a knack for just knowing.
Which is the other part of what BG does...

He knows just how far my patience can be stretched before it snaps,
He knows how to curtail behavior he dislikes,
He knows how to stop me from spiraling into a vortex of behavior I dislike,
...and he does all this using nothing but his common sense, judgment and words.

I've been reading a lot of thoughts lately by people who seem to feel that punishment is an integral part of D/s. While I don't question the right of the dominant to correct the sub, I do find myself on a different side of the fence in that discussion. Because I know from experience that correction does not have to come through punishment, or even through praise. Both are effective tools for many relationships, I understand. But they're not inevitable.

Sometimes, it's possible to control just by understanding.

And that way you get to save the fun physical stuff for playtime! :-)