BG remarked to me the other day that I really have learned to submit and truly enjoy the bondage, and mentioned all the things he does now that I would never have withstood early on.
My first thought was, "Well, that's because I trust you."
But I realized that that's not strictly correct -- because I have always trusted him. Right from the very start, there was absolutely no doubt in my mind that I was completely safe in his hands. Yes, we've grown and learned about each other but that hasn't changed the level of trust I feel for him. It's hard to increase absolute.
Then it occurred to me what the difference is.
Through my relationship with him, I am learning to trust me.
I can trust myself to open up.
I can trust myself to cope.
I can trust myself to let go.
I can trust myself to give what he wants.
I think this is the change that makes it possible for SP to say, "allowing yourself to be "abused" is actually clearly boosting your confidence."
It is, yes. But not due to the externals.
It's my faith in myself that's making the difference.
8 comments:
I agree wholeheartedly!
More hokie pokie in my head. This is i think exactly what its supposed to be - you learn more, explore more, accept more about your self - you offer more --> he does the same really i believe from his side too. More for each to offer, more for each to take, more ability of each to offer and to take... It's like a win-win.
Great awareness and self-analysis Jz.
Thought-provoking post.
It's almost as if fear has been let go...fear of being judged...fear of not being accepted.
This post is a great journal prompt for me.
-H
sg-
Thank you. It always feels good to hear someone say that!
gg-
If I keep prompting the hokie pokey in your mind, I WILL expect to see you dancing... just mentioning...
I know what you're saying and I do relish the opportunity for growth. I'm not convinced I'm helping him learn anything, tho'... well, about me but in general...? That I question. But maybe I do and he just doesn't tell me.
(Do they do that?)
Miz H-
It IS a letting go of fear. And in a way I totally wasn't expecting.
Glad I made you think!
I am sure you are right in that.
I would not have chosen those words but they are perhaps better than the ones I would have used. I too have seen subs make good progress and know that it is not just their trust in me but their growing self-confidence - and yes, trust in themselves.
Thank you for articulating that so well.
P xx
P-
I'm not sure which of the words exactly met with your approval but you are welcome to my articulation any time!!
Seriously, thank you. :-)
What a beautiful post.
Certainly supports my belief that TTWD are ultimately healing and empowering.
And you put it beautifully.
THank you,
aisha
a-
Yes, I think anything that allows you to be true to what's inside you can be healing and empowering. Even if it looks a bit off to those with different interiors. :-)
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