So, the beginning of the past week found me, quite honestly, feeling a bit hurt. Too many people were a little too surprised by my actions in helping my sweet elderly friend. As I spoke, they would get this faint look of shock on their faces and then say, “That was very nice of you!”… in a tone that implied, “Who are you and what have you done with Jz?”
Now, I know… and have indeed told you all in these pages… that I am not a particularly kind person. But I’m hardly The Beast of Belsen either, for cripes sake! Yet people were so markedly taken aback by things I'd done that I was forced to wonder, “How the heck do I come across to others? That was just basic compassion -- and these people are my friends... yet they’re surprised by my behavior. What on earth kind of an impression do I convey?!?”
It was, if I may risk a little self-indulgence, pretty disheartening.
But then came a trip to the laundromat. (note to self: find money for plumber…)
A youngish guy came in to move his clothes from washer to dryer and started rooting around the vending machines. Finally he looked at me.
“Am I just not seeing the dryer sheets or do they really not have any?”
“Nope, there aren’t any. But I’ve got plenty, would you like a couple?”
“What?! But…, Are you sure?? … Thank you! Really…, thank you!”
Again I elicit surprise.
Over two stinkin’ sheets of Bounce this time…
And I started to think, maybe it’s not me.
Maybe that’s just the world today.
Maybe people really don’t expect to encounter simple consideration from others anymore.
And, you know, while it’s a relief that the surprise isn’t personal, I think I'm even more disheartened than if it were…
7 comments:
It's not you... I have noticed the same shift in how people respond to those small random acts of kindness we do for other people.
Maybe with all the ugly things that happen in the world we're more aware of and appreciateive of the little nice things we do for each other? There' a bit of a spin in that perspective i know, but still. At least i prefer to think of that way. Maybe we're just taking less for granted.
k-
It's funny, isn't it? I don't think I like what that says...
O-
I can't quite go there with you, I'm afraid. Surprise is not the same as appreciation and I don't possess enough gumdrops and lollypops to convince myself that it is. But you're right, it would indeed be nice to think of it that way. :-)
The taking for granted part is a piece I've been chewing on myself. I know I wasn't raised to expect kindness of other but it certainly wasn't a thing to greet with raised eyebrows, either. There's a funny little distinction there that I can't quite pin down...
I get this because I have come across it pretty frequently and thought for the longest time it was just the demographics of who lives here.
Your point above about the distinction between coldness and kindness...yeah. Maybe its what you consider niceties vs. what other people see as kindness?
I offered repairmen water when they were last in. Both of them looked at me as if I was offering them a chalice of ambrosia *shrugs* crazy world.
B-
It is a crazy world, yes.
I just wish it didn't make me feel like we're failing ourselves, somehow...
"I think it's a grand thing indeed to make people smile and, really, mean people should just be taken outside behind the barn and shot." See you are kind even if you don't like the word.
Yes - it is concerning though that people find simple acts of kindness strange, as if it is unusual and they don't normally come across it. Perhaps though those acts being valued is a good thing. It might be a far worse world if people just ignored and took for granted the kindness of others.
One of the things I find can move me the most, sometimes to tears, is seeing or receiving acts of kindness from strangers.
P xx
P-
It's true that it's a good thing that the acts are valued and not taken for granted, yes...
I dunno. None of these valid observations are easing my agitation over this, tho'.
This is clearly a bigger bug up my nose than I had at first thought! ;-)
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