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| January 20-24 |
During these No Name Calling weeks, I always find myself dissecting some word or other.
I've debated "bitch", I've pondered "kinky"…
This one may be my biggest "HUH?" yet, but it struck me, so here I go...
For it's big tenth anniversary, No-Name Calling Week is sporting a new slogan --
"Celebrate Kindness"
It's a lovely thought, isn't it?
Every idealistic bone in my body is nodding vigorously in agreement.
Except, I find "kindness" to be a bit problematic.
The word, not the type of behavior -- I'm definitely all for that. I think it's a grand thing indeed to make people smile and, really, mean people should just be taken outside behind the barn and shot. (true, if not exactly thematically appropriate…)
But there's just something about the word "kindness", particularly when we're celebrating it…
Probably because I'm not sure how you celebrate something that has always struck me as nothing more than a personality trait. Something you have or you don't. I think it's a lovely trait to possess, mind you. I envy those with it and really wish the world had more truly kind people in it.
Yet... (yes, I'm going to say it…) I rarely find kindness interesting.
Admirable, Yes!
Desirable, absolutely.
But I'm afraid I find something a bit... beatifically off-putting about the truly kind person.
(For one thing, what do we have to say to each other?)
I prefer people with edges.
Plus, displays of kindness always make me vaguely uncomfortable.
I seem to harbor a subconscious suspicion that they aren't so much genuine as they are a self-congratulatory device, designed to flaunt how much better of a human being the other person is than me. (Which clearly, as I am proving with this post, is not all that difficult a proposition.)
Nonetheless, I find myself doubting the sincerity behind the curtain.
I guess I'm more of a courtesy and consideration gal. These are learned behaviors that can be superimposed over any personality, so I can accept them at face value. They are gestures that are deliberately made, not a claim to goodness. Yet they smooth interactions and foster cooperation every bit as well as kindness. And often, they're much easier to achieve.
Of course, if you're trying to combat bullying and mean behavior, you do want to encourage the complete opposite behavior, so I understand why the slogan isn't "Celebrating Courtesy".
I just wonder if it might not be a more obtainable goal...
5 comments:
i totally get this. "Kindness" has something a bit insipid about it. i feel the same way about "sweet." Occasionally, someone has told me i'm sweet - very occasionally - and it makes me cringe a bit. i'm really not sweet, much more spicy than sweet, imo.
But "courtesy" seems awfully stiff and formal to me. i don't know - i'll have to think about what i think we should celebrate to counter bullying...
Interesting post.
sofia
Kind, kin, gecynde, cynne, kunne 's meanings have been all over the place in the last millennium. And it still is!
These 'phantom' words, though, do seem to get more emotive as time passes. Maybe it's just instinctual (and earlier, predominant meaning of "kind"), to be queasy about the word!
s-
I'm not going to address the "sweet" thing just yet, because I think there may be a place for my thoughts on that in the week's final post.
Meanwhile, yes, courtesy is cold -- but not everybody is warm.
I think it's easier to overlay behaviors than it is to force warmth.
Making courtesy, perhaps, a more useful tool, as more people can utilize it…?
I dunno. My rambling thoughts are coming out through my hat so maybe I'm completely missing the mark.
D-
That's the fun part of language, isn't it? -- most everything has been all over the place! And it's cool to trace it's lineage. (quease-inducing or not…) :-D
oh fuck! We can't be friends anymore??!
I have often been described as unfailingly kind. And I guess in my heart of hearts I am. Take, for instance, the fact that I was asked to chaperone an event for a group of teens at church...on the night that Master and I usually get face time. I pondered it--but you know I said yes. *sigh* I didn't want to, you know. I haven't seen him in 2 weeks...but..."unfailingly kind" popped up.
I do have bitchy moments, like this morning. Does that redeem a bit in your eyes? (trying to not giggle)
And as some of my friends will tell you, (and even Master), I have a wide swath of Viking rage that, when let loose, is very destructive. Total red-curtain-obscuring vision Viking when the rage is upon me.
I'm not sure that is the most *redeeming* feature...but it is certainly NOT nice. :)
nilla
ps...if this is no namecalling week? I'm already fucked, I'm afraid. :)
n-
Well, it's not that we can't be friends anymore, just more likely that you'll realize one day you've made a grave error and I'll wake up soon after to find you picketing my house, chanting, "Meanies Suck!"
(or maybe not - that's just one possible scenario)
Interestingly, my vision-obscuring curtain is a different color. You always hear red, but mine's green. Big green splotches that wick outward until they all fuse into one big green veil that hangs there, irritating the pants off of me for several seconds until it ebbs … and then my vision pulses for another minute or two.
Then I leave the room before I open my mouth…
:-)
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