A Swamp Yankee Cookbook

Chapter 2: Making Chowder

1. - Go quahogging. 

2. - Set quahogs under dock for several hours to relax.

3. - Sneak up on relaxing quahogs and quickly shell them with a knife, reserving the liquid. Swear as necessary, putting particularly recalcitrant quahogs in the freezer for an hour to induce relaxation.

4. - Unearth your venerable meat grinder and run the quahogs through it.

5. - Chop up an onion, a few peeled potatoes, and some bacon.

6. - Scoff at the "helpful" summer folk who proffer bottled clam juice.

7. - Throw clams, liquid, onion, potatoes, and bacon into a pot with some water.
       Disdain measurements -- God gave you eyes to use.

8. - Bring to a boil, reduce to simmer, and cook until it's done.

9. - Sneer at the "helpful" summer folk who ask if you forgot the milk or tomatoes. 

        Suggest they go home and stop raising your tax base.

Serve with oyster crackers … and fritters.