Boundaries

(This is kind of a rant, but it's been stuck in my craw for a while, so let me just get it out and then we'll move on, OK?)

A while back, I posted about declining a date with BG because I had a previous engagement with a friend to see the new Star Trek movie. I only meant it as a light little piece, so I was kind of surprised by some of the reactions I got off-post, where I took a fair bit of teasing about my priorities.

Most of it was in fun, I know that. But there were also liminal undertones of "The Shock Of The Better Sub" -- and that part bothered me.

Because for one thing, were you to check page 37 of Jz's Handbook of Life, you would discover that, in my world, you do NOT blow someone off simply because a better offer is received, no matter who issued it. My mama would rise from her grave to bitch-slap me if I did that, and when I staggered back onto my feet, I'd have to bitch-slap myself -- because that is just not acceptable behavior.

Even disregarding the question of common courtesy, however, these comments got under my skin because they touched on a trope within D/s that I actually quite object to -- that the good submissive never says, "No" -- context be damned. 

That's just not how I (nor, thankfully, BG) see(s) it. 

To my mind, a power exchange is between dominant and submissive only.

Certainly, whatever two people agree to do between themselves is no one else's business -- but the key words there are "between themselves."

I may cede to my dominant all sorts of control over me but that control does not extend to any and all independent entities I interact with -- those maintain their right to autonomy.

So while I may be willing to change my pre-existing plans, if they involve someone else, the plans stay as is. My friends didn't sign up to be controlled by BG and I'm not going to play fast and loose with them as though they had.

Now certainly, we're just talking about a movie date here, so my rant undoubtedly seems excessive. But the underlying principle touches on an issue I have seen crop up often enough to concern me -- where subs stretch a "no limits" policy until it becomes virtually "no boundaries" --  and suddenly anything they've ever seen, read, or touched becomes eligible to be laid at their dominant's feet.

"Here, have my mother's credit card number!"

"Of course I'll give you the combination to the safe where I work!"

"Well, my friend didn't expect you to assault her, Sir, but that's OK, you are Master, after all." (I only wish this one were hyperbole…)

(OK, mostly exaggerations -- but the underlying message is the same as in statements I've actually read out there... and that message makes me crazy.)

Those are not your things.

The fact that you have access to them does not make them your things.

And things that are not yours are, by extension, not yours to share with anyone else.

Please stick to the stuff that is actually yours.

(thank you, I'm done now)