The B-side

I love, love, love the upturn our relationship has taken lately.
Won't kid you, won't lie... I am one pleased bitch these days.
But like anything involving growth, it can be a mixed bag. Sure, I'm thrilled by the "getting closer, relaxing, and letting down our guards" portion of the program but this is a real-life D/s relationship -- Check Your Complacency At The Door.

Lately, he's been starting to utilize "corrections" a bit more. I cannot in all honesty call them "punishments" -- they're really nothing more than brief, intentional reminders of his control. A nipple-flick that lacks the usual hint of playfulness; a swat with just enough additional edge to remind me that it's his choice whether this really hurts or not; a stoppering of the throat for just that miniscule moment too long... Nothing particularly dramatic -- just minute, deliberate checks to my behavior.

I'm not complaining -- this is the kind of challenge that I knew I would eventually face. But it's also one of those situations that you can see coming and still not adequately anticipate. You may think you know how you'll react and yet find yourself stunned by the reality, both of his action and your response.

Because, of course, I don't always agree that the checks are warranted. Sometimes, yes -- and sometimes he's doing it just Because He Can. Both of those instances can be accepted with relative ease, even grace. But every once in a while, there's a genuine misunderstanding and I end up being corrected "unfairly". 

Now, nobody ever likes to be wrong but to be wrongly thought to be wrong...? And then to be "punished" as well...??
Somehow I never accounted for that possibility --but here it is.
  and oh, the turmoil!!

Feelings of injustice erupt in a positively pyroclastic flow.
  I am hurt, I am indignant, I am contrite.
  I want to wail in petulance, snarl in ire, AND apologize profusely.
  I want to burst into tears.
  My inner child wants to stop and argue passionately;
      the inner slut recognizes the challenge...
I must struggle to rein in my feelings, to push them aside for now, and regain the single-minded degree of purpose I had just a moment ago.
I must breathe out anger and breathe in calm.
AND I must do all this without biting off anything dear to us both.
(Actually, he must have far more faith in me than I initially assumed...)

So far, I have pulled this off successfully, if with some effort.
And it's a lesson I'm happy to learn -- in the abstract.
If only I didn't keep tripping on the concrete.