As those of you who've been reading for a while will know, BG and I are decidedly not 24/7 types. He's not Master, he's Sir - at the appropriate moments. Otherwise, he's BG. This is his directive, although it suits me, too. We chug along quite nicely at this level of interaction.
A while back, someone asked me if I thought I'd ever want to take it farther, to go deeper into myself, deeper into D/s. I've considered that on and off over the months and I still have no good answer.
As I've mentioned before, the stumbling blocks that BG and I face in our relationship do not revolve around TTWD. Rather, our issues are the normal, mundane problems of dating, specifically of dating someone who really hasn't achieved satisfactory closure from his crumbled marriage. (Yes, I do know better but the apple was sooooo tempting!)
We get along marvelously and our approaches to BDSM are remarkably well matched as well. (Although I expect we'll eventually stub our toes but that's a bridge for another day.) So we're generally pretty much in accord about how to proceed with TTWD. I don't have that sub angst one reads so much about. You know, where the sub wants to beat her dominant for not taking her far enough, fast enough, or where she can't stop pushing her own limits in a preemptive strike against the possibility that a situation might someday arise in which she wasn't already perfect. (Y'all really need to be kinder to yourselves, btw.)
I don't doubt the real dissatisfaction that seems to push these subs, but I just don't react that way. Instead, I find myself content to follow his lead.
Not that I've tried everything I want to try. (See annoying friend's crack about my arrival at the Pearly Gates here.) But those things are more like expanding the range of play, not switching playing fields entirely. I'm just not jonesin' to jump out of the kiddie pool while the water's still refreshing.
I suppose that could be me protecting myself in an uncertain situation, but I also suspect that submission is simply an organic process for me. I want it to be with him and for him, so if a greater depth is to be achieved, it will come from our relationship deepening, not from my psyche gnawing away inside me.
Again, this is my wiring, not anyone else's. But it jibes with my approaches to love and lust, too. I'll go without love rather than have it with the wrong person. And as far as scratching that itch, well, I've got two perfectly good hands, a toy box, and a vegetable crisper... You need to bring a lot more to the table than just a functioning dick.
(and flogger) ;-p
So, yes, I'm open to going deeper at some point, if it should happen.
But otherwise, I'm quite happy where I am.
Maybe this makes me a more shallow submissive than most.
I will admit that my lack of angst does give me pause on occasion, like I'm missing some intrinsic point that everyone else seems to get.
But that seems a silly thing to fret over.
So I generally don't…
7 comments:
Celebrate who you are. It doesn't matter how one approach compares to another, really,does it? What matters is that it works.
Totally agree with Tom. Explore what works for you, see where it works to dive deep and where it's fun to play. You may find that although you don't have the "angst" others have, you may find an amazing area that's all your own. How fantastic would that be?
I agree with the others. There is absolutely nothing wrong with your approach. As long as it works for you and BG, then that is all that matters. No one elses feelings, or approach, or way of doing things matters. That's what makes TTWD so great...you can do it how you want and to whatever level you want and works for you. If you are happy and content, then just enjoy it and don't worry with anything else.
DV
Sounds like an enviable perspective to me. A big part of the angst i think is having wants or maybe inklings of wants and also part of that want being wanting what *he* wants - so - in essence - not wanting for yourself. (See why so angsty)
It seems that you have managed to find that specific trust and ability to be content - probably more than content - with being his, not yours really and kinda his.
He's pretty damn lucky i would say.
NDT-
hey, stranger!
You're right. All that matters is if a thing works. And we do...
Ex-
hi and Welcome.
A very good point. And I do tend to live much of my life off in an amazing area all my own, so you'd think I could remember that more often, wouldn't you?
DV-
hello again. :-)
Man, it's like old home week around here...
Does it make sense if I say that my mind knows there's nothing wrong with my approach and yet, sometimes, when I look around and see how out of step I occasionally am, that I wonder anyway...?
gg-
That's very nice of you to say, thank you.
I think some of my ability to do this stems from the fact that, with BG, I decided to try to break this (kinda female) habit I have of second-guessing everything.
So I try not to analyze his words for hidden meaning but to just take what he says at face value.
It's not easy but is has made a difference...
YOU are definitely not more shallow than any other sub. Your submission is exactly that-- YOURS. Submission is personal and different for everyone.
I am submissive but I'm not all that into heavy BDSM or pain, that does not make me less of a submissive.
I cannot relate to those with angst to be taken deeper or further. I just go with the flow of my partner. We communicate openly and honestly so he knows what I'm ready for, when to push me, when to go deeper.
QUOTE OF THE MONTH:
"You need to bring a lot more to the table than just a functioning dick. (and flogger)"
-H
It is mine and, fortunately, it's what he wants.
I honestly don't worry about that - but sometimes I do wonder.
(Then shrug and move on.) ;-p
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