He arrived, a man with a mission, ready to put his plan into effect.
By the time he left, we'd punted all the way to Plan D.
Because of me. Three times, I couldn't. Couldn't make something, couldn't do something, couldn't take something.
None were my fault particularly, just how things fell that day.
But I did NOT feel good about it.
He, on the other hand, shifted gears gracefully and without complaint. Like my falters were simply a turn signal. As though this next thing had been the idea all along. I wasn't to worry, just to follow.
I'd been disappointed with myself because I thought I was letting him down. But he sure didn't seem let down. He left looking every bit as pleased, relieved, and satisfied as if things had all gone exactly the way he'd meant.
In thinking about it, I realized that often happens. He doesn't so much follow a plan as he harnesses our energy and directs it the way that feels right to him at the time. He cares less for the how of it than the what. So, things actually did go to plan, because it's play, not a test. All he asks is that I give the best I can and he'll take care of the rest.
This is something I knew intellectually but am only now starting to relax into. And the more I internalize and trust that, the better things get. What we have is not just the pairing of two parts. It's a thing all it's own, a single unit consisting of give and take, ebb and flow.
You know, something dynamic.
I may get the hang of this yet...
9 comments:
all smiles for you!
Isn't it funny -- they're much more flexible about thing than we think they are.
Hugs
sfp
word verification: pensgra
I agree with sfp, they are also less hard on us than we are on ourselves. Somehow we always see the failings that they either don't see as a failure, or brush off and move on while we are stuck back somewhere in a rut trying to work out what we could have done differently or better or just trying to climb out of the pit of shame for failing.
HUGS
Alice
A good Dom, the Dom that fits you personally will read you, anticipate, be flexible with the mood and the feelings of that moment. That's what makes it all feel so right.
I agree, we are too hard on ourselves and also many times too ready to analyze and criticize ourselves. It comes with territory of being complex beings, I suppose.
-H
If the roles were reversed - you would have counted it as a failure in your plan that it was unachievable that day - because WE ARE TOO HARD ON OURSELVES!!
It is a good thing that he he doesn't view it as a failure at all, on either part, but just rolls with the circumstances. that way you both just enjoy.
OK, so if I'm hearing you guys right, we're too hard on ourselves???
;-)
It's true, I almost went down Alice's pit of shame (and welcome Alice, btw) but then I figured that if I was supposed to be following his lead and it wasn't fazing him, then I wasn't going to turn it into a big honkin' whoop, either.
I'm sure there will plenty of BHW occasions to come but this once, I stepped away from the rim. Still niggled at me, (naturally!) but I stayed on terra firma.
so, sfp,
they are flexible. I'm gonna remind you of that!
A-
perhaps in this one tiny way, we should become more Domly?
H-
Oooh, yeah. And he IS a good Dom!
*she grins*
(*and maybe bats lashes*)
gg-
I like the rolling - and I like that he makes it contagious, too!
I hate it when someone throws my own advice back in my face
word verification: antedrup
henceforth now the term for not being able to take your own medicine.
sfp
roger that, hingeho!
;-D
I think that a thoughtful and caring Dom will always be ready to adapt. I know there is the "it's not about you its about ME and what I want" school of Doms but I am sure most Doms want to read their subs needs at that moment and fit those to their own desires.
Yes it is good to have a plan - an outline of a play scene. However that is bound to need to be adapted. A good scene is surely a dynamic - a coming together of what both parties bring to it. It will change and adapt depending on response.
It sounds as if BG is very adept at this.
It does also fit in with your newer post above about force and my own that you refer to. It might be at times a Master might be able to take you past a blockage by use of force ... but that would need to be a confident Master who truly knew you well. In that case anyway I would still see it as a technique for leading you to a place where you truly wanted to be. However I am not sure I would often have the confidence to use that approach as it could seriously backfire.
I don't think either should ever be worried or upset about not achieving a goal in a particular session. To have fixed goals can perhaps get in the way psychologically at times of achieving them. I am all for going with the flow - and where there are goals they will be achieved eventually where there is sufficient trust, care and understanding.
xPx
P-
I absolutely agree that goals are better as a more long-term approach in a dynamic. It's just a tricky thing to learn sometimes. We want to please our Dom and it can be hard to adjust our perception of the goal as a concrete act to a mode of action, if you see what I mean.
I also take your point about using force as a means of getting past a blockage but I do think, as you note, that it must only be attempted when fore-armed with with great knowledge and caution. Many blockages were caused by force and you could trigger something you had no intention of rousing.
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