Challenge and the Sub

When I read greengirl's post about adding "challenge" to her list of submissive needs, it very much struck home with me. Although I probably have a somewhat different perspective on it, I am a great proponent of challenges. BG uses them to increase my submission, both in playful ways and in more serious moments, and it's one of the things I enjoy most about our relationship. Not just because challenges are fun but also because they are very effective means to an end.

Brooke and Pygar have both posted lately about domination by force. I think it's safe to say that a lot of us don't respond well to that approach - indeed, it may well backfire if attempted. Challenge is a much more effectual tool for dealing with those of us with a recalcitrant nature. (*pauses for gentle clearing of the throat*)

There's a wonderful line in Pride and Prejudice where Elizabeth says, "There is a stubbornness about me that never can bear to be frightened at the will of others. My courage always rises at every attempt to intimidate me."
Exactly, Lizzie!

It seems to me that many of us enjoy a challenge simply because we're too stubborn to just roll over and give in. These are the challenges we accept for no better reason than, "I'm damned if I'm going to give you the satisfaction of triumphing over me."
(Altho' I do want to note that there is a distinct difference between not liking to lose and not wanting to be triumphed over. My objection is not to losing fair and square but to having my nose rubbed into it.)

In the context of D/s, this sort of stubbornness may sound self-defeating - but I don't think it has to be. Because equally often, the attraction of a challenge is more that it offers a way of achieving a goal while both keeping and earning respect.

Challenging your sub may be one way of asserting your will. But it lets you do that while allowing her to keep her self-respect. Certainly, it's a form of training - one that utilizes her own nature to achieve the desired results. However, this type of approach also allows her to stay invested in the process. You may be leveraging a tendency but you are also reinforcing that it's her control to give over. It's a form of coaxing that diminishes neither side.

Kind of a win/win situation...