For all I may not angst that much over TTWD, there are still monsters beneath the bed of my relationship with BG -- and we've been discussing one of them again lately.
He has one unrealized fantasy, which involves two subs.
Being Determined Man, he periodically sounds me out about this.
"Can you do that for me?"
Being Weenie Girl, I consistently disappoint with my response.
Because I just can't say, "Oooh yeah!"
Instead, my record skips at the words, "I don't know."
He tries logical reassurances.
"It's just sex, reveling in the sensual. It doesn't have to mean anything. There would be nothing to be jealous of... You'll never know if you don't try..."
And, you know, my head gets that, it honestly does.
And can even conditionally agree - in theory, at least.
The problem, however, is that these reassurances don't touch on the actual issue, because it's not logical.
Nor is it jealousy -- or moral rectitude.
It's not even like I haven't had similar fantasies myself. (albeit with flipped gender-number distributions. *cough*)
The problem is with sharing me.
Or, more accurately, exposing me.
The very thought of having to undergo such an up-close and personal, side-by-side comparison causes major shriveling in almost every part I possess. Because I just know who'll come off the worse under scrutiny. (It doesn't matter if it's only in my head, a fail is a fail is a fail.)
And even though I know we should face our fears head on, I'm too chicken-shit to run at this one, because it could end so very, very badly.
And yet...
I want to give him his fantasy.
I want to be able to do what he wants...
I want to not always get tripped up on the stupid stuff...
And I'm frickin' tired of being Weenie Girl.
I want the courage to dare.
So I'm reading and thinking (bold, huh?) and trying to figure a way through this maze that leaves us each reasonably confident that both I and "we" will emerge unscathed at the other end.
(Don't hold your breath though, cuz I think this is gonna take a while!)
15 comments:
I totally get you on this one.
When I put myself under the harsh light of comparison, I come out the looser every time (go figure, I'm probably the only one who sees any competition in this...maybe lol).
And I say "oooh yea," well, more like, "umm yea" but it's pretty obvious I ain't there yet.
On the bright side, I've been trying to overcome this one for, ahem, around ten years. So you're not the only "weenie" out there to be sure.
I totally understand your dilemma and empathise completely with your feeling that you would be bound to come out badly in the comparison stakes. And it's no good anyone telling you that she would probably feel exactly the same way. How about trying to turn it around slightly. Try and see her as a part of the situation that you and he are enjoying together? If you can appreciate her as simply as something that he is enjoying, it removes the comparison issue altogether. It also sort of takes her out of the equation as a person rather than a prop which feels more than a little "off" but that is surely part of the deal she signed up for. Very thorny and something I would struggle with in just the same way. Btw any chance of you getting to play out your "quantity rather than quality" fantasies?
And I'm frickin' tired of being Weenie Girl.
:boggles:
Uhh, Hey, Jz - I think that somebody hijacked your blog.
Look, BDSM can be transformative because it's a way to push one's boundaries. But so can long-distance running, mountain biking, or even gardening. Yet just because there are boundaries doesn't mean that you *have to* push past them.
Similarly, just because a partner has fantasies, it doesn't mean that you *have to* fulfill them. Yes, it's nice, but people have to compromise sometimes.
I'm not saying that you should or shouldn't, BTW. I'm just saying that you don't need to beat yourself up over it one way or the other.
Disclosure: I've done the MFF thing, and it was very enjoyable, but it wasn't a deal-breaker for any of us.
l-
If only we could find our rose-colored scarves to throw over that harsh light of comparison, huh?
I'm glad to know I'm not alone in my weeniedom. Thank you.
(And you're not alone in seeing competition. I got your back there!)
Hi Alice-
Nice to see you again!
It's a good thought, to try to come at this from a different angle and think of her as just a big, cock-sucking prop. (well, ok, I'm paraphrasing...)
I have absolutely no faith whatsoever that I can manage it, but it's a good thought! ;-p
(I'm holding off on answering your question right now because it's tentatively scheduled to show up in another post soon, OK? If it doesn't, I'll try to remember to respond somehow along the way!)
T-
I absolutely agree about boundaries (and fantasies) not *having* to be pushed.
And frankly, so does BG - he's just eternally hopeful! ;-)
What makes me so annoyed is that this is one boundary I'd be willing to push, if only I thought it wouldn't rip me apart. Other than that, I have no objections to it. Objections it would make this an easy decision. But the fact that fear is the only thing holding me back is the part that makes me snarl at myself...
(But not so much that I'm willing to cut my nose off to spite my face, either!)
And yes, I know it's done by a whole lot of people all over the world with absolutely NO ill effects whatsoever. (I don't think me in a MMF would have a lot of ill effects, either!)
*bats lashes madly*
Sadly, that doesn't help me...
I like what Tom had to say...it was perfect. I echo it all.
-H
P.S. "jacquirm" LOL LOL
I like what Tom had to say...it was perfect. I echo it all.
Yeah, me too. In fact, I'm going to have some bracelets made up:
WWTS? What Would Tom Say?
(I don't think me in a MMF would have a lot of ill effects, either!)
*bats lashes madly*
I might have a harder time with this one, unless the other M is really, really cute.
Wait, did you want to watch or participate?
On this issue mouse is right with ya. While Daddy has never asked about that, it could come up. Truthfully haven't even thought about what mouse would say. How to divert or whatever...
Maybe just feigning deafness like when mouse mentioned to him about the gutters needed cleaning.
Hugs,
mouse
H-
I was going to tell you to stop feeding Tom's ego.
Too Late!
T-
Excellent marketing idea!
I'll take one.
And I think my answer to your question depends on whether you just issued an invitation -- or called me another "M"...
;-p
mouse-
I love good company!
Have some more chocolate and we'll ignore the gutters together...
If there's anything more important than my ego around here, I want it taken out and shot right now.
And to answer your question, it depends upon whether *you* were issuing *me* an invitation first...
*BANG!!*
Heh to be honest, I'm right there with you. It would just be too nerve wracking.
*hugs*
turiya
nerve-wracking
nausea-inducing
confidence-killing
tear-fest
(ooo! "fear-test"!)
Yeah, I'm definitely gonna need a while...
Ooooh i'm so *thrilled* to have found your blog! I don't know what took me so long!
Anyhoo, totally agree with you on the "exposed" parts, about wanting to give BG his fantasy, and the fears associated therewith. I also have fantasies about three, with flipped gender number distributions :) Any chance BG would go for a male sub as a third party?
Just askin'...
- kytten
k-
hi and welcome!
I'm delighted to be found. ;-)
No, no chance on the 2rd sub being male, at least not for this particular fantasy fulfillment scene. (And I'm pretty dubious about any others.) Knowing what it entails, that one's just not gonna fly.
But as always, I welcome good thoughts!
Is this where I order the WWTS bracelets?
;-)
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