I was emailed directions that sent me to the store with a shopping list.
The grocery store, that is.
Let's just say that I'd need to spend a lot of time in the fruits and vegetables aisle, 'k?
If that weren't bad enough, he then sent a video link that um, laid out his plan for that list. My eyes bugged and I went "Eeeep!" quite a few times - and immediately altered my produce-selection criteria.
Fresh Foods Day arrived.
IM: "you might want to pull things out of the fridge early..."
Yes, sir!
Phone call: "Check the blossom ends. Those can be rough..."
Already found that out, sir!
It was a visit of much laughter, lube, and boldly going where no vegetative matter has gone before. I was totally inept and consumed by giggles. He thoroughly enjoyed himself, both in watching me struggle and in, well, watching me struggle.
In the end, we both emerged tired, happy, well-fucked - and smelling faintly of piña colada.
But it wasn't all fun and games.
I also learned a few things from this experience, including that:
-I am far more naive than any 51-year old woman has the right to be.
-I really do prefer a cock to a cucumber.
-It's possible to sand bananas.
(just sayin'...!)
9 comments:
LOL... I love reading these posts cause I always end up having my imagination filled with the most amusing images... like sanding bananas. I wanna know... seriously...
*hugs*
turiya
LOL, personally I've been terrified of the prospect of using any sort of vegi or fruit in that way. I once watched a show (1,000 ways to die, I think) where a woman used a carrot as a fuck toy. She'd shaved it and washed it, but somehow a piece of the carrot broke off inside her and, I don't remember exactly how, but it killed her. I think that's a good reason to say that the use of vegi's and fruits in my pussy is NOT going to happen in this lifetime.
Sounds like you had fun though, and are still alive (thank god!).
And like turiya said, sanding bananas??? I seriously wanna know why you would need to do such a thing.
HUGS
Alice
Oh, c'mon guys! You don't think I'm gonna go sticking one of those mushy things inside me UNPEELED, do you?? (that's your hint...)
I mean, really, where's the fun in that?
Why does my mom saying "Eat your veggies" pop into my head?
Cute post Jz.
What fun you and BG had.
-H
Well maybe next time try putting a condom on it rather than sanding it... might work better... who knows! Or better yet... get plastic food! It's reusable! Hehehehe...
H-
We always have fun. It's why I put up with the insanity. ;-)
t-
First off, sanding worked just fine. - Surprising but true.
Secondly, ...
nah, I won't go there.
Just know that condoms on the bananas were NOT a viable option.
LMAO
I'm going to have to dig up some sandpaper. lol.
Soo... did you have to eat any of it after? :D
k-
go with fine grit. :-)
and... thankfully, no. He had been sufficiently amused by that point. ;-p
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