Thinking About Trust
Surfing and researching again. Quite a few of the concerns I see posted leave me baffled. I find myself thinking, "Do you trust your partner? If yes, why is this a problem? If no, why are you even considering it??"
On further reflection, though, I suppose I can understand. Trust is tricky. Most people equate trust with opening themselves to hurt, which is scary. But trust in a relationship gives a depth and breadth of joy that isn't worth going without. Granted, you can't make yourself trust. For some, trust has to be earned. For me, there's an instinctual recognition of the person. I trust first, ask questions later. Whichever, if you can't lower your guard, it's not going to happen.
But if you can find that trust and stand with no pre-conceived boundaries or limits, no defensive instincts, then there is no limit to how high you can go.
People don't have to have your trust to hurt you.
And someone can absolutely devastate you, yet still not violate your trust.
So, withholding trust won't keep you from being hurt. It will only keep your soul tied small inside you, afraid to fly.
I wanna soar.
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'Come to the edge', he said.
They said, 'We are afraid'.
'Come to the edge', he said.
They came.
He pushed them...
And they flew. -- Guillaume Apollinaire
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8 comments:
I've come back to this several times, stymied at what to say becuase it leaves me with some fairly conflicting feelings. I think trust IS necessary to soar- at least for me it is. And once broken, damn it is hard to weave it into something that holds your soul again.
Ooof. Yeah. That's a permutation that I was not considering when I journaled in my first flush of enthusiasm. I can't speak from that particular experience. But I do believe it's possible to rebuild. I suspect it will hurt like hell and you'll nearly throw in the towel at least once a day. But if you manage it, I can only believe you'll have a vessel that's twice as strong.
Guess you just have to trust you'll know when you've done all you can...
{hug}
Jz,
I don't know maybe I'm more of a black/white person, but if someone devastates me, haven't they violated my trust? I don't really see how one can happen without the other. I'm sure as part of my trust in them was that I wouldn't get devastated (which is a much stronger word than simply hurt). They might hurt my feelings and that might be considered a breech of trust. I dunno.
I used to be very trusting, then I learned not to trust anyone...It is something I struggle with.
mouse
mouse,
I think if it hadn't happened to me, I would have a really hard time accepting that statement, too. Let me take a shot at explaining how I see it and perhaps it might make sense?
The way I view giving my trust, it's almost like passing some small, living thing over to someone, who will hold it gently in their cupped hands. Their fingers form a shield that creates a safe haven. Their love and understanding fill that space and create a bubble around the little thing, letting it thrive and prosper.
But sometimes life gets in the way. That person has to leave. How they leave is what makes all the difference. Sometimes they just flex their fingers and crush everything. But sometimes, they carefully unlock their fingers and gently place the small thing down. We can be devastated by the loss but we still have the bubble. The shield is gone but the love and understanding remain.
At least, that's how I visualize it...
I love the way you write about trust. Inspiring indeed, thank you!
anonymous-
thank you.
"But if you can find that trust and stand with no pre-conceived boundaries or limits, no defensive instincts, then there is no limit to how high you can go.
People don't have to have your trust to hurt you.
And someone can absolutely devastate you, yet still not violate your trust.
So, withholding trust won't keep you from being hurt. It will only keep your soul tied small inside you, afraid to fly.
I wanna soar."
YES!
~~@~~
I was hurt deeply by someone I loved, but if I'm honest with myself I never really trusted him.
That relationship made me very cautious of people. I no longer trusted people first, and only stopped when they broke the trust. Now all new people have to earn my trust...and it is not be easy.
Enter SirDom and the D/s dynamic. I totally trust him with my thoughts, my safety, knowing my needs and my weaknesses. I don't love him, but I totally trust him.
This is very strange...but freeing.
-H
H-
yeah, it's amazing the different feel it gives to a relationship, isn't it?
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