I've been reading a lot of accounts lately that would, shall we say, earn SP's "Well-Written From The Cunt" Award. And you can tell by the comments the stories elicit that there are a lot of folk out there agreeing -- going, "ooooh, wow, hot!" ... and sullying their keyboards.
Which there is absolutely Nothing Wrong With, I hasten to add.
(Well, OK, if you are literally sullying your keyboard, then my inner tech might want to yell at you to go get a tissue, for goodness' sake. But otherwise, fine -- whatever floats your boat.)
But when I read that stuff, all *I* can think is, "Must... Wash... NOW."
And once again, I am struck by just how NON-carnal I really am.
Not that I don't enjoy the dripping, engorged, thrusting, slapping, groaning stuff as much as the next person. And I am sufficiently uninhibited to devoutly believe that the bedroom (living room, kitchen, hallway, bathroom -- wherever you like your nooky) should be a "Nicety-Free Zone". Hang-ups and fastidiousness have no place in the sexual arena. This is where the gloves come off.
The problem is that that my doorways appear to be strictly one-way. I have just as much trouble letting the unrestrained out as I do taking the repressed in. Rampant sexuality anywhere outside of the bedroom (living room, kitchen, hallway, etc.) just seems, well, unseemly.
Apparently, my carnality requires context.
And sometimes, that bothers me.
Because sometimes, it seems like it might be nice to run around thinking about sex all the time, oozing pheromones and stunning innocent bystanders into blinking incoherency.
But that, sadly, is just not how I roll.
I do not mentally strip men in the grocery store. I don't secretly eye bulges and note whether they dress right or left. I do not let my gaze linger over every Tom, Dick, and Harry while silently evaluating their bedroom potential.
Every once in a while I might be struck by a desire to lick an especially beautiful sculpted arm (I'm a complete sucker for that intriguing intersection of delts, triceps, and biceps) but that's about it.
Otherwise, I'm much more likely to just think, "Hey, cool hat!"
Nor do I go through life confident that I am Wanted By All. I don't loop "I'm Too Sexy" on my internal jukebox. I haven't strutted publicly since that one party in 1997 -- and even then it was because that was the only way I could walk in those heels.
I simply don't carry my sexuality like a banner.
Mine's bashful -- it hides in my mind.
Where it apparently beckons through my eyes, or so I am told...
But as we know, few men start by looking in your eyes.
I try to tell myself that it's OK to be me, but secretly?
I have carnality envy.
11 comments:
I do tend to run around thinking about sex all the time, oozing pheromones but instead of stunning the innocent bystanders I tend more toward the unfortunate result of stunning myself into blinking incoherency.
If I were you, I would be very specific in stating that I had "graceful carnality" envy. The alternative isn't pretty.
Oh I have carnality envy too. Not so secretly.
And wow--new look, new pic, and labels! I love it!
See, I totally agree with the not eyeing bulges or feeling like a desired sex object (i'm always happily surprised when I find I do create wood!)
However, as of late my carnal, slutty thoughts are much more at the forefront of my conscious thought.
i don't think about sex all the time, don't ogle guys much either.
Lots of thoughts about this, future blog posts here...
But mostly, I need something to prime the pumps. Properly primed, however, i can stay in a state of enthusiastic arousal for days at a time. Left neglected, i can pretty much lose interest.
So i hear you.
aisha
Very very interesting. I went through a time (sub frenzy maybe?) in which i did think about sex and stuff a LOT, like constantly, was ALWAYS insanely aroused...But it never extended to other men, real or otherwise. Life is a bit calmer these days - although there are times... this seems like something very specific to individuals, variable, and all that - i gotta think that there are huge upsides to a slow burn that ignites when you want it to - or let it.
Perhaps you are just "carnality-targeted" than "carnality-lacking". I suspect that your carnal is not the loose, all-over the place kinda carnal, but the kind that knows what it wants, when and where it wants it and doesn't waste it's energy on anything less.
monkey-
you make an excellent point, thank you.
(altho' it could at least be helpful in curing my hankering for the experience...)
l-
Welcome to the NC corner.
We have chocolate. Who needs anything more?
:-)
tg-
demi-carnal? ;-)
But no, I'm not surprised to hear yours are all over the place right now. You're having your flames fanned at the moment - that undoubtedly scorches doorways.
a-
Very true -- priming is key.
Maybe my pressure valve has a leak...?
gg-
Yeah, individuals, variables, and like I said, context.
It's there, it just doesn't rouse itself without reason.
A-
Oh, sweet friend Alice!
If I ever get rich and famous, I am definitely hiring you to handle all my PR!!
What a spin!
It's my new story and I'm stickin' with it!
You da best. ;-D
Brilliant piece Jz. Carnality envy--luv it!
"I don't secretly eye bulges and note whether they dress right or left."
Uh...me either. If I see a sexy man I check out the entire body. Then I want to hear his voice.
"I do not let my gaze linger over every Tom, Dick, and Harry while silently evaluating their bedroom potential. "
I like style. For me to have noticed a person you would have had to have style in the way you carry yourself. That's what catches my eye at first.
My internal jukebox is looping "I've got ants in my pants and I need to dance" --James Brown. :)
-H
Miz H-
Well, I don't actually know any woman who does any of those things listed, I must confess. That was more me exploiting stereotypes to make a point, I'm afraid. But they did help to illustrate that sense of running around in a constant state of awareness of oneself as a sexual being that I so very much lack.
(Altho' as I now know, that's not a failure, my carnality is just PURPOSEFUL!! [yep, not letting that go!])
I'm completely unsurprised by your internal jukebox tune, sunshine! I can see your little toes tapping from here. ;-D
My astrological sign is Virgo and interestingly, I'm not a prude, no, but I'm not big on snarky references of smarmy comments. They just turn me off.
I once in a great while think, he'd be cuter naked and kneeling, but not often.
I do often think, they need a gag, but it's usually less about a desire to play than a wish for silence...
Welcome, Ms Constance!
Yeah, I've never figured out why so many even try the smarmy comments. Have they ever honestly had any success with such a low-class approach?
I giggled pretty hard over the "naked and kneeling" comment (thank you for that) and nodded over the gags.
We need more public gagging... ;-)
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