Layers of Lust

I sent him pictures, as I often do. I know he likes the ones that highlight hot details of a scene but this time he got photos that show very little action and even less flesh but that create a very strong impression of dominance and possession.

He responded that those pictures had circled in his mind for days, making him want to use me - selfishly, roughly, repeatedly. I could actually hear the growl beneath the sentence.

It was a purely visceral expression of dominance. My specified role was simply as a means to his end. No implied mutuality, no sense of desire for Jz-the-person, or any of those softer feelings that warm a girl's heart. The actual terms used, in fact, reduced me to nothing more than his own personal glory-hole.
Fucktoy, indeed...

I read the words, blinked, and waited for my indignation to set in. Disconcertingly, however, it never did. Instead, I glowed quietly.
Which struck me as so very peculiar that I had to stop and consider, "why?" -- because I would have expected that little display of objectification to set off every knee-jerk reaction I possess. But no.

So... what just happened here?

I'm still not certain and please bear with my fumbling explanations but I think that the difference lies in the fact that it was his dominance that was triggered, not simple sexual desire. Yes, yes, the two are interwoven with us, that's a given, but...

Sexual desire is, quite frankly, not really person-specific. The libido is a restless, demanding, itchy little bugger that really just wants to be satisfied, object be damned. You can talk yourself into wanting just about anyone if the internal craving is strong enough.

But dominance and submission really are incomplete without the other half of the symbiosis. You can't play those mental tricks on yourself that render anyone fair game. For D/s, like requires like.

Which means that to vent that dominant energy surge, he needs a submissive. And it seems to me (and OK, here's where I may be veering onto the "Delusional Slut's Sugarplum Fantasy Trail",) that for him to specifically want to, um, surge "repeatedly" means he wants to reinforce his dominance, to both strengthen and draw from that synergistic energy loop that he already has with someone.
This is not something he can do with just any sub, he needs HIS sub for that -- and she would be me, the tall, mouthy one over here in the corner.

So, as best I can figure it, the reason I didn't get upset over the objectification is because my subconscious recognized that it wasn't actually an impersonal desire, despite the phrasing. It was genuinely ME that he wanted -- and that's not something he often expresses. (Hence the glowing.)
Or at least, that's the comfortable explanation that my conscious brain likes.

(Should you hear a loud, anguished wail echoing through the blogosphere sometime in the future, it might be me, reacting to being hit upside the head with a 2 x 4 by an uncomfortable reality -- but that'll be another post entirely...)