I had just received another extremely irksome email from The Expat, in which he related his further adventures in cutting a swathe through the under-20 population of his new homeland. (n.b. - He does keep them legal, however.)
Some days his stories just amuse me but this time, they launched a number of simultaneous rants in my head - which went basically like this: “You’re 65, For God’s Sake!”; “Grow Up!”; “There is Nothing Wrong With Women Your Own Age!”; “Stop Being an Entitled Jerk”; and, most loudly of all, “Please Don’t Make Me Have to Call You a Pedophile!”
After calming down a little, I thought somewhat smugly of my own ability to appreciate and enjoy age-appropriate males and basked for a moment in virtuous satisfaction.
Then, I got web crawling and followed a link that smacked me face-first into my own hypocrisy. I was shown a nude photo of an older woman - and my first thought was…, well, let’s just say I did not react charitably. I immediately scolded myself and looked again, hoping that kind intent would improve my perception... but I couldn't do it. I could not rise above my first reaction.
I can sit here and try to make myself feel better by thinking about all the times I have NOT had that reaction to the bodies of people of similar age; by pointing out that she was of a type that I don't find attractive even when young and nubile... but it doesn’t help. I feel like I failed that woman every bit as badly as The Expat - and with far less excuse.
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| I need these for my brain, too. |
6 comments:
It's not easy because we like what we like, and sometimes there's not a whole lot we can do about that except keep our opinions to ourselves.
mm-
You are absolutely right, of course - which still doesn't keep me from feeling like I've let myself down.
*shrug*
It's not easy to employ the three gatekeepers for the mind. Ones who have managed to do so have achieved nirvana.
In the meantime, the fact that you scolded yourself shows you're growing up and paying attention.
Gurus and scriptures where I come from have often said that we limit our experience of living when we label things into 'likes' and 'dislikes', 'beautiful' and 'ugly'. Their words are still words to me. A lifetime of conditioning is not an easy opponent. Like you, I'm a work in progress.
A-
I'm reasonably confident that nirvana will remain an eternally distant goal for me - but I do try to try.
I think what galls me is that you try and try and try and yet still continue to trip over the same challenges. It feels like I never really make any progress and that's deflating.
On the other hand, I'm not giving up, so I suppose I get points for that...
You get a LOT of points for trying.
Happy Valentine's Day. xx
:-)
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