He was less than fifteen minutes away from my house when he texted, “Oh, and I want you to have some of your favorite porn playing on your laptop so I can watch it while you’re under the table. I want to see what Jz enjoys.”
Doesn’t that sound lovely and hot?
Really, I get all flushed reading it, even now.
Except for one minor detail…
“Um, Sir? I don’t watch porn. I’m more of a pictures and gifs gal - I can show you my current favorite in those…?”
“No, I want clips, of something you really like, playing when I get there.
Better get busy…”
So, No Porn Woman has to find a free porn site, drill through page after page of contrived, unarousing clips to find something that’s actually erotic — and still leave enough time to set up the laptop, get his dinner on the table, warm the washcloth, and assume the designated vibrator-straddling position on the cushion under the table.
I did manage to find something - it wasn’t drive-me-to-my-knees wild but it did set off some significant tingling — as opposed to the first 3 pages of silicone and crap acting. (I also opened a tab to the gif that’s currently fueling some serious orgasms, as well. Because stubborn, don’cha know?)
I think he was a tiny bit surprised by my selection, not so much for the activity — we've done some tit-slapping, he knows I enjoy it — but because it was an amateur piece with no bling to it, just an ordinary, chubby woman with some seriously mobile boobs being swatted by her husband's hand.
But it’s real.
I find nothing erotic about someone slapping huge tits that moveth not.
There's nothing compelling about phony passion and chemistry.
I simply don’t enjoy Bright Lights, Bad Dialog.
But I did like this and I found it and it was playing… and that's what counts.
Well, that and the fact that he enjoyed watching it, as well. Both the clip and my gif selection.
And I certainly enjoyed his response to them. (ahem).
So I think I smacked that pitch into left field --
but it was touch and go for a few minutes, there!
9 comments:
No link to the gif?
That sounds perfect, or close to it. I do not like to watch regular porn, the acting is terrible and it is all fake. The amateur videos are much better (for both of us) and knowing that he is watching women who look like me doing erotic things, that is the best. Glad you found what you did.
I think you smacked over the fence after a couple of strikes.
Wow Jz...you did great in the limited amount of time you had...not sure I could even have found a free porn site in that amount of time! Happy you both enjoyed the results.;)
Hugs and Blessings...
Cat
Amazing.
I would't have been able to pull it off--chances are I would have landed on some site that then caused some kind of virus that immediately broke the laptop...its very interesting what they ask us to do at times.
lm-
No. No link. :-)
B-
Yeah, I just can't get past the phoniness of it all. And really, if he started to exhort me to do something that some perfect, plasticized objet was managing, my heart would sink right out of that moment…
C-
I had not been at all confident I was going to pull it off, that's for sure!
B-
Boy, am I glad I didn't consider that possibility before I started!
And yes, I think they all go to "Highly Imaginative" school… :-)
My situation is similar. I like gifs. I think it's probably because I can't hear the woman going on and on while the guy is silent. Occasionally I'll show them to Master, and he wants me to find video, but it's almost impossible to find video I like. It's way too phony. The women are way too enthusiastic, cheerleading the guy on, while usually the guy doesn't make a peep. Oh, or the women are staring at the camera while doing the guy, which I absolutely can't tolerate at all. Look at HIM, not me. Ugh. Blah. I saw one video of a guy and two girls, one sucking him and the other licking his behind, and not a peep of pleasure from the guy, but incessant moaning and screaming and talking to each other from the women. The opposite of anything I would ever want to watch.
T-
Yup.
Or, "let me assume this unnatural position so the camera can zoom in, yet we'll pretend it's completely normal..."
They really don't film these things for women.
Which wouldn't be so bad in and of itself, but it perpetuates unrealistic expectations on both sides, and that makes me nuts.
I won't pay for porn--i'm cheap that way--(or rather, just that poor!) but I will watch free bits. I don't mind the cheesy stuff because mostly I'm searching for ideas, you know? Things that tickle my fancy, and stick in my head that might become a situation in a story, mostly. And sometimes to sigh over those "perfect" boobs, as my older ones start to head south... :D
I prefer real stuff myself, however. It's just more...plausible, which makes it even more erotic for me.
good for you for finding something lickety split. (grins at my own double entendre...)
nilla
n-
I wouldn't swear that the cheesy bits haven't occasionally struck a nerve around here, too, but 97% of the time, it's fleeting. Then the critique sets in.
And, yeah, the boobs and such are the other part… I can't look at *any* porn for too long before I start thinking, "Man, I just wish I could be pretty for him…" -- and fall into a mope. Which is foolish, cuz he's not interested in pretty, he's attracted to the submission. But I can't get that into my head. I keep wanting to be what *I* think he must surely want...
(But I do know I can find clips he likes!)
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