X is for X-Acto

When it  came to gadgets and household tools, my parents didn’t belong so much to the school of “Keep it away from the children” as they did “Teach your child how to use this safely.” I know there must have been safety scissors in my life because there’s still a pair floating around in the junk drawer (Hey, you never know when a child might descend upon your house!) but I don’t recall ever being forced to use them. From when I can remember, at least, I was allowed regular grown up scissors. (Except Mom’s best pinking shears, but that was to protect her shears, not my fingers.)

Razors, however, were an exception to this liberality. I wasn’t allowed near any kind of box cutter, glass scraper, or X-Acto knife. And despite great temptation (from both the forbidden nature and the cool things you could do with these devices,) I obeyed. (What a model child!)

Even after the ban was lifted, the habit stuck with me. (Probably because age had brought a greater understanding of just how much damage I could actually inflict on myself, generally without even trying… says the woman who has cut her finger on a cucumber.)

But it can be hard to do a lot of crafty-type things without a good sharp cutting device, so when I finally moved away from home, I decided it was time to buy myself an X-Acto knife set - and a very nice set I got, indeed. (Altho’ it didn’t have the cool chisel tool you can get now - and I’m still deciding if I feel bitter about that or not.) I didn’t need the set right away, so it sat on the shelf in pristine condition for several months, but finally, time for the first craft project arrived…

Ah-ha! I am READY!

Well, sort of ready. I don’t really have a good work surface… but that’s OK. I’ll just sit cross-legged on the rug over here under the window (for good light!) and use a big piece of cardboard set in my lap.

Gentle readers, let’s pause to think about that scenario for a moment...

I was about to sit, femoral artery turned upward and protected only by a flimsy, penetrable surface, over which I would hunch while slicing objects with a dangerously sharp blade.

Aaaand, it went about as well as might be expected…

      (Altho' obviously, it wasn't a complete disaster, since I lived to tell the tale.)

I managed to miss the artery and just score briefly (albeit deeply) into the soft tissue of my inner thigh. But it was a clean cut, so it healed well. (*ahem*)

But I have to tell you - the X-Acto knives have been relegated to “Blade of Last Resort” standing… and their pristine condition is marred only by the dust of thirty-odd years.

X-Acto knives are wonderful things,

       but some of us should be legally prevented from using them.